DP got really, really angry at me last night. Not sure if I deserved it.

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DP and I have been living together for around 3 years. We're very similar in most ways but a huge difference between us is that he's quite tidy and protective over material things whereas I'm the opposite. I can be scruffy which I admit to and I don't look after material possessions in the way that he does but I thought we'd learnt to accept each others differences after 3 years. Anyway about 3 months ago I bought myself some nice hair straighteners. DP "set them up" for me on my bedside table in a nice little display on their stand. He did say at the time "I don't know why I'm bothering because they'll be chucked on the floor by morning" and we laughed about it.
I kept them there for a while but after a bit the novelty wore off and I just dropped them wherever I was and left them. One night he said to me "where are you straighteners?" and I said "near the side of the bed I think". He replied "where is the stand?" and I admitted that I'd lost it. He was livid. (It turned up behind the bedside table, it had just fallen behind).

A couple of days ago I bought a nice camera. DP said I "needed" a case for it. I said I wasn't that bothered but he insisted and said he would buy me one for my birthday (instead of the thing I actually wanted ) so it arrived and DP packed my camera away in the bag and "instructed" me to keep it in there again I did for a while but novelty wore off and after taking a couple of piccies in the garden last night, I left the camera on the sofa. DP found it and went ballistic, shouted, threw the camera bag at me, called me names and said I was the most annoying person he'd ever met.

I'm in two minds as to whether I deserved this TBH. I know I should be more careful but if its just MY stuff that is getting left lying around, why should it be of his concern?

Did I deserve it? I'm angry and upset at the same time.

Depends on what age you are.

If you are 13, I would try and teach you to take care of your belongings and not behave like a child with them.

If you are an adult, I would not be with you because I could not live with a partner behaving like an obstinate 13 year old, so then it does not matter what I think either way.

none of his damn business

I would calmly say "please don't shout at me, they are my belongings and I am not a child"

and then ignore him after that

I think you are being flaky as a reaction to him caring about things. Presumably the straighteners and camera were not cheap so it makes sense to look after them and put the camera in a case.

I think you need to stop being silly tbh.

No you bloody didnt, i am like you dh is like your dp. I think he is obsessive about his things the camera he bought stays on his bedside table and has to be returned there nobody is "allowed" to touch it but him, things are replaceable and mendable, I dont suggest that you shouldnt take care of expensive things but he can either tidy up after you or keep quiet.

I would be furious it my dh had a tantrum with me over belongings, he used to love the fact that i was free spirited and didnt put much store in material possesions so I think he has to accept my character flaws, just like I accept his flaw, being obssesive about inanimate objects.

All I can say is, I'm messy, and it would make my entire life absolutely miserable to have someone following me round telling me off for leaving things about, because it's not something I can easily control. Actually my dad was like this and I remember him throwing a book at me when I was small.

Sounds as though your DP doesn't accept your differences - he thinks he's right and you're wrong, and if he just nags you a bit (or throws things at you )you'll "sort yourself out" and become like him. The question is, can you change to fit in with his tidiness, and do you want to? Or can you and he come to the agreement that perhaps you could keep one place/room tidy but the rest of the house may have your things scattered around because that's just how you are?

He sounds very uptight and anal, and losing his temper to that degree was completely unreasonable. I am assuming that you aren't actually damaging your stuff by chucking it down etc, but just leaving it untidily?

Interesting responses so far...

I think he over-reacted - but sounds like he may have been bottling up for a while on this - which is clearly driving him mad.

On the other hand - I am not that careful myself with my own stuff - and can imagine it would be annoying - but part of the good thing about growing up is that you no longer have people like your parents nagging you about stuff like this... And it would drive me mad if someone was getting cross with me for the way I treat my own stuff!

I tend to react badly to being told what to do tho... so that is prob what my issue would be with it all..

He prob needs to chill out and accept that you won't change - esp while he is going on about it... then you are more likely to start caring about stuff!

Course you didn't deserve it, but why can't you just look after things just because 'the novelty has worn off'?

DP is a massive neat freak, I am not at all, but I know his pet peeves and that there are certain things that really get to him, so I try not to do them. He does the same for me.

so what is she is lazy? That's her business, nobody else's.

I find it amazing that so many people think it is OK for an adult to be harangued like a child by her partner!

Drives me barmy when Dh doesn't look after things although one look at PILs house and you can see where he gets it from.

That said he does now make an effort to put things away properly - although often they end up in the wrong place - because he understand my frustration with him not taking care of things we both work hard to pay for.

That said if he does leave things lying round without thinking I don't throw them at him and call him names.

he threw something at you???

at that point i would have introduced him to the door and invited him to walk out through it.

they are your things, if you want to be careless with them then that is up to you. unless he is paying for them all then he is being a controlling prick and you are better off without him. IMO

You did not deserve the way he treated you. No one deserves that no matter what they've done.

That said I am like you and useless at keeping things tidy/ looking after stuff and my DH is the OCD one. Apparently, everything has a "home"

But, because I love him, I try to take a bit of care and because he loves me, he tries not to get wound up when I inevitably put something in the wrong place.

oh ffs

Do you do it with all kinds of things? Just wondered if it drives him mad in a low-level way all the time so when he lost it he overreacted to that incident because for him it was all the other stuff as well?

Also, the two things you've described are things he has given and sorted out for you - does he feel, when you loose them, bin them, forget about them - that you are not valuing things that are important to him? I got very upset when DH lost something I had given him and didn't seem too bothered about it - I felt very rejected and hurt.

Not that I'm saying the throwing is OK, mind you, but people do loose their tempers sometimes.

lose t'chah.

It is his business if they live together. I would go mental if my dp dropped everything where he was when he used something.

How do you treat your other not so valuable belongings? The same way?

Or do you keep them in your boxroom ?

nuff said.

I hate untidiness - I get very frustrated with Dh for being so untidy and at the end of the day we both have to compromise and I think both you and your DH need to too.

I'm not materialistic (since that is the word you used). I'd sooner have a disposable camera which I don't need to worry about and prefer often disposable things to ones which last but require care to be taken of them. You seem more like me and your DH should respect that and not force his views on you (making you have a camera cover etc). However I am tidy and untidiness really gets me down. Nothing worse to coming home to stuff left everywhere by DH so I have some sympathies with your DH. But throwing something at you is not on.

From whence cometh the whiff of the old boxroom?

I suspect that if you're careless with these two items the chances are that you're careless about other stuff & that it probably drives your dh mad but he puts up with it most of the time.

In an equal and loving relationship each person tries to put up with the other person's annoying habits but equally tries not to annoy the other person.

Is it safe to put hot straighteners on the floor? Is he worried you might burn the house down?