tametiger, he's just a habit. You have a lot of love sloshing about inside you, which has for a long time been directed at him in default of a better target. There's no way the man you describe is worthy of that kind of devotion.
OK, he's not a villain, but he's nothing special really; you have a special place in your heart and somehow he got in there. He wants what he wants from you and you're hurting because you feel it's your fault for not giving exactly that, but you have needs too and more importantly, your children do. What did he give in exchange that you needed? He talked about your son as if he were an old coat - that's just awful, don't you see? He's dreadfully self-centred. You accept it because that's the horrible example your father gave you. Someone who gave a tuppenny damn about you would not have harrumphed off, leaving you helpless and housebound, even if it was justified. It wasn't, because as you said you had made other arrangements for the dog. You just didn't do exactly as he said, so he has ignored you for weeks. That is really dreadful behaviour, don't you think? Would you have done that even to someone you didn't like very much, let alone someone you cared about?
Throwing more love at him will never make him something he isn't, any more than it did for your father. That's not your failure, it's something missing inside them. You, as a mere human being, cannot fix it. It just isn't there, and you allow yourself to be disappointed time and time again by looking for it and beating yourself up for "failing" to find it.
It was never a partnership. He is not the sun, he is a cracked old planet who you are orbiting around as if he were the centre of the universe. Please wake up and realise you're not his satellite, you're a planet in your own right.