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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure if I should forgive

27 replies

tametiger · 04/05/2010 13:17

My former husband and I had remained close and I regarded him as my best friend and family - we have known each other for 30 years. While we were married he let my son and myself down very badly - we lost our home because of his failed business ventures - but I retained a lot of love for him and had always hoped we could find a way to get together again. He wants to have a sexual relationship with me but doesn't want to move into my house (it's housing association and rural) as he says it's too isolated. He lives in a rented flat in town 10 minutes away.
Although I know he has been angry with me for not committing myself to the type of relationship he wants - I have been wary of getting hurt again - we have spent a lot of time together and he had seemed to accept the situation.
Two months ago I fell and broke my ankle and initially he was very helpful as I live alone with my dog. After two weeks of helping me he said I should rehome the dog as he didn't want to be responsible for walking him (I had arranged a neighbout to do that). When I said I didn't want to give up my pet he announced, over the phone, that I was mad and selfish and that he wasn't going to help me anymore and didn't want anything else to do with me. I was at home on my own, on crutches, unable to walk or drive, very frightened and feeling very isolated.
That was 6 weeks ago. Since then I have heard nothing, no phone calls, no e-mails. I know this is what he does - walks away when things get tough or difficult for him. He did it to me several times in the past.
The trouble is, I miss him all the time and can't believe it has come to this. I know I should feel angry but I just feel incredibly hurt and lonely and am fighting the urge to phone him and beg him to come and see me.
I expect this all sounds pathetic to other people and I know I have found the past months incredibly difficult. How long does it take to get over being kicked in the teeth by someone you thought was your friend?

OP posts:
tametiger · 17/05/2010 12:47

Thank you Annie - you are very wise.
Baggy - thank you for caring.

OP posts:
CheekyPinkSox · 17/05/2010 13:12

It must be hard for you to try to let your eh go in these circumstances. If me and my hubby didnt have children and our situation was like yours, i would be devastated too.

Have you told him how your feeling? I wouldn't know what to do, if he hasn't been in touch in 6 weeks. Maybe he has a new G/F and moved on.

Hope you feel better soon

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