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Original poster

Just realised none of dp's bank statements etc are delivered here any longer!

35 replies

lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:16

Letter rack in hall full of unopened bank statements, dp been keeping me a bit short lately, so opened them all up together with credit card statements and realised they are all from last year. (don't tidy up letter rack very often)!

Also thinking about it, haven't seen a wage slip or mobile phone bill of his lying around anywhere.

This is not like him, he is a bloody slob.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck, im fucked aren't I?

He's got me into so much debt, I can't afford to chuck him out at least for another 6 months.

Sorry if this sounds cold, head spinning!

OP posts:
msrisotto · 04/05/2010 11:17

Could he have gone paperless billing? You obviously need to talk to him.

mumblechum · 04/05/2010 11:18

Maybe he's registered for online banking? No statements in this house either.

starshaker · 04/05/2010 11:18

All my statements and bills are online now unless i request them to send paper bills. Could this be the reason?

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:19

No, not a chance, he wouldn't be organised enough to even think of that.
Theres something else going on, i've got THAT feeling, thus the snooping.

OP posts:
playftseforme · 04/05/2010 11:19

Not sure without knowing more. I do know that banks, credit card companies and mobile phone companies are all pushing paperless invoicing, to the point that you generally have to opt in (and sometimes pay extra) if you want to receive a bill/statement. Maybe he's just gone paperless.........? Not sure about the wage slip though

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:22

Plausible about paperless billing, but highly unlikely.
Wage slips used to be left lying around as well, never had any secrets with regards to money, was all very open, somethings definetly changed.

OP posts:
maddylou · 04/05/2010 11:25

Could he have lost his job and not be telling you?

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:26

No, definetly not lost his job, was talking to his boss yesterday, his work phone all the time for him when he's not there (manager)

OP posts:
NorkyButNice · 04/05/2010 11:29

Why do people often assume the worst of their partner rather than accept the most plausible option?

We don't get any paper bills here anymore - my bank (HSBC) changed to online statements automatically unless you tell them otherwise, and my phone bills come by email.

You could always talk to him?

GypsyMoth · 04/05/2010 11:30

he's having his post re directed??

shimmerygoldglitter · 04/05/2010 11:30

"Why do people often assume the worst of their partner rather than accept the most plausible option?"

Because I bet there is a lot more to this post than meets the eye.

I do on line banking too but still get a bank statement once a month.

Is there other stuff going on here too OP?

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:31

I won't see him until tommorow night, im going to work until tommorow morning and he finishes tea time tommorow.
My stomachs in a knot, because if I question him on anything he turns it into a huge argument.
I can't explain norky, but I just have this feeling something's going on.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/05/2010 11:34

you're not married to him, how did he get you into debt?

did you take out money or loans in your name? joint names?

did you buy him stuff on your credit card?

i really hope not!

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 11:38

I got our house done up and I took out the credit for it as my credit rating is good.
I have a large overdraft as well.
It wasn't an issue at the time as we had/have been together for 5 years and there was never any secrets regarding money, I used to get all his wages and paid all the bills/dealt with the household finances.
He has a credit card, which I paid off (using his wages) and he has run up again.

OP posts:
kittyonthebeam · 04/05/2010 11:57

Can you check the history on the computer for websites he's surfed?

Can you contact his bank and ask if they've gone online billing (just general inquiry)?

GypsyMoth · 04/05/2010 11:59

is there any other post in his name still being delivered??

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 12:00

His computers set so it doesn't record any history.
He has online banking, but rarely uses it, he always got paper statements.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 12:03

Other usual stuff still delivered, car ins, letters from school, not sure what else, I don't really take much notice of the mail unless its for me, I just leave it on the sideboard for him to get when he comes in.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/05/2010 12:17

is the house in your name? is it mortgaged or rented?

i hope it is!

thank crunchie the credit card was paid using his income and is in his name.

HappyWoman · 04/05/2010 12:25

hmm
phone always for him (?? from work)
histrory not recorded on computer (can you reset this?).
not at home tonight, so works away sometimes.
Your gut feeling
change in habit re money and payslips

Together they can add up to something - your gut feeling is the thing that says more to me.

Do ask him about online statements - ask him if there is anything as you have tried to get credit and told could be to do with address - maybe it will prompt him to be more open.

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 12:27

House is council rented, my name on rent book only.
Have about 4grand of debt in my name.
Never been in debt before I met him, am raging about how bloody stupid I was to get in debt!

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/05/2010 12:29

I would reset the computer so it does show History asap - if you post on Geeky Stuff someone there will know how. And then watch and wait for a couple of weeks - what time does the post come? Who's there to pick it off the doormat?

Don't panic just yet. Feelings can be wrong.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2010 12:30

if you paid his credit card using his wages, do you still have access to them?

he should be paying his share for doing up the house he lives in.

i'd have no qualms about paying down some of that debt with his wages.

Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 12:40

I know how to reset the computer.
He's always worked away one night a week, there's no mystery in this (honestly). And its me thats working away tonight.
His phone is password protected as well.
Its my gut feeling thats bothering me the most as well.
I will tackle him tommorow night.
If there's anything on the computer or phone, I don't think I can face seeing it.
I will be able to judge better whats going on when I see his reaction.
The computer thing, well, I used to find his infrequent porn use stuff on it and used to take the mickey out of him as it was so vanilla (sorry if this sounds lame) it was his friend that set it that way for him, I can honestly hear the conversation now, "fuck she found my stash" his friend would be "i'll fix that for you". He wouldn't even know if I changed it back, he really doesn't know that much about computers.
I'm feeling a bit calmer now, not that I don't think somethings afoot, but don't feel as panicked.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilacclaire · 04/05/2010 12:44

Expat, I don't know where the money is going, we don't earn much and as far as I can tell, there is approx £600 per month unaccounted for.
I know we all need petrol money etc, but that would be about £20 a week max each.

I'm definetly going to talk to him tommorow night.

I will just need to manage if it turns out he is a scumbag, cannot abide liars.

OP posts: