emotional vaccuum

[bubble1]

am writing this whilst sleeping...again...on sofa. hubby in bed, knows i am sleeping on sofa, but just seems to accept this situation and has not tackled me on the matter. is this normal response from hubbys or is he emotionally blank?

how have you ended up sleeping on the sofa?

a long story, but to cut it short we have had major probs over last couple of weeks and although he thinks we have returned to normal,,,i dont feel the same way...sleeping on sofa is only way i can think of in an attempt to get some ...any...kind of reaction out of him,but it is not working

talk to him? if he's not responding then he might be confused?

he told me he is confused but why wont he take conversation any further?
why cant men just say what they r feeling..its as thought theres an emotional retard (i mean no offence to anyone by this) lying in my bed. why cant he just take me in his arms tell me he is sorry for causing me so much pain and that he loves me?

sounds like theres alot to this. if he's saying he's confused then you do need to talk...and listen.

he maybe feels pushed out,especially as you've moved onto the sofa.

i have even threatened him with divorce and have removed my wedding ring....still not put it back on...he just says that he does not know what to say to me and that sleeping on the sofa is my choice...does not attempt to talk me out of it...is this typical male behaviour?

A lot of men are totally rubbish at talking and will always bury their heads in the sand rather than confront an issue.

Does he believe your threats to divorce him? Is it possible that he doesn't think you'll follow it through? Or could it be that he doesn't want a reconciliation?

dont know if he believes me about divorce because he wont bloody express his feelings. am really fed up now, do all men close up like this or does some lucky cow outhere actually have a husband who showers love and romance on her every day?

Some women do have expressively romantic husbands, yes. (Not me but I'm not complaining - at the moment!)

As I said, a lot of men find it very difficult to 'talk' about relationship problems.

Are you now just waiting for him to tell you he wants you back in the bed? Or is the issue that drove you to the sofa not resolved yet?

issue that drove me to sofa resolved for him but not me... i am now seriously contemplating divorce. i mean he is upstairs, in bed, sleeping like a baby while i am down here on sofa. if roles were reversed i would be fighting tooth and nail to save this marriage. certainly not sleeping soundly in marital bed. am i right or am i right/

You need to actually spell it out to him. I understand being on the sofa as protest because often my DH will think that something is over when I am still not over it. I usually end up screaming at him when this happens, but a sensible person would talk to him properly. The screaming happens because he says I 'bear a grudge'. I think I am legitimately still upset because he has been a twat.

I know mine loves me btw. He's just sometimes a twat.

So, the fact that he isn't fighting to save your marriage could indicate that he either doesn't think it's in danger or that he doesn't want to save it.

But I would advise you to stop waiting for him to make the first move or you may be in stalemate for a long time. You need to resolve this thing, one way or the other. No one should have to sleep on the sofa indefinitely.

Without knowing what the issues are its hard to say op, but it doesnt sound healthy. When you say he wont express his feelings what exactly do you mean , is he refusing to discuss problems , or are you just getting nowhere when you do talk ?
What is he confused about ?

he is very laid back in his outlook on life and believes that whatever happens in life u should just get on with it. i however am more emotional and like to express my love by touching, hugging, etc
he is confused as to why i am sleeping on sofa because he thinks he has done nothing wrong....but my womens intuition tells me different...i just feel he is hiding something and when i try to 'connect' with him over this issue we just get nowhere

Why are you actually sleeping on the sofa?

Do YOU know?

i just feel that sharing my bed with him again would signal to him that i am over this problem....that all is back to normal...when it isnt
also i suppose i wanted to provoke a reaction...i though (stupidly)that he would want to know why i was doing it

WHY are you on the sofa? What was the problem that led you to sleep there? We all have no idea, so perhaps it's no wonder your dh is oblivious to it?? Talk to him.

he knows exactly why i am pissed with him....other women

For Gods sake....you've come on here asking for advice, so please give us the full story so the responses you get can hopefully help you get your head straight to deal with it.

basically he has been messing around with another woman...but he claims they r just mates...i dont believe him, so no trust left

You have an incredibly oblique style of communication. We're all trying to guess what the heck happened, and getting odd little hints, but nothing very concrete, and so is your DH upstairs in the bed.

We can't read your mind, and neither can your DH.

If this is what you're doing with him, no wonder he may have decided to go with the flow and save himself the bother of playing mind games with you, and at least get a decent night's sleep.

Spit it out. Stop hinting.

(And showering you with romance and love every day is really only for old fashioned films where there's riding off into the sunset, John Wayne, etc.)