***** REAL MEN SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN *****

[Unlikelyamazonian]

Real men do not walk away from their financial responsibilities to their offspring.

Real men pay fairly for the children they have fathered.

Real men show a duty of care towards their children.

Real men do not walk out and leave their children unsupported.

Men who walk away from their families without contributing financially to their children's upbringing should face serious legal and other consequences.

Just thoughts

Real men don't leave their jobs just to avoid paying child support

Completely agree with you UA. I read your much earlier threads when you were first going through everything. How are you doing now?

Doing fine thanx! But the more time passes and the more lovely and full of potential my son gets, the more I think it's bloody scandalous that his father can just catch a plane and disappear to scuba dive, live with another woman, have as much sex as he likes, earn good money through employers in Thailand and Germany and pay not a soux towards our lovely boy.

It's a flippin outrage. I havcen't read or seen anything in election promises about righting this wrong.

Absolutely, real men dont treat the mothers of their children like shit!

Canb't spell soux/sou/sue/siou ??

It's disgusting and makes me very grateful for my ex, even though he gets on my nerves and I bitch about him, he at least pays for his DDs and sees them regularly.

DSis has split with her DP and he refuses to see their DS (19mo) saying he can't handle it it's been 3 months now no maintenance either Some men really are complete tossers.

Men like him should face consequences. Serious consequences. Legal, financial, puinitive credit record consequecnes: community service or short-term jail-sentences when caught and arrested. A national name and shame register.

How will it ever change if they know they can get away with it?

We are almost kinder to abandoned animals than we are to abandoned children.

Why should children be burdened with the knowledge that their fathers cared so little for themn they didn't even want to buy them a 10p crasbbing net? This selfishness and utter contempt for a new generation - their own - is yet another problemn that the remaining parent who cares and loves them and raises and pays for them, has to try to overcome.

Where is this addressed in any of the leaders debates/election manifestos?

Amen to that!
Makes me kind of glad that DS has ASD and doesn't know/think any different with regards to his sperm donor father.

7 years and counting without a call/visit/penny etc.

I live for the yearly phone call from the CSA asking if I've had any contact with him and where they can find him. I take great delgiht in telling them that that's their fucking job.

Real men don't threaten to put kill their children and put them in body bags .

But he does pay . He knows damn well he's screwed up big time and is thankfully supporting them financially, luckily it's at arms length.

real men do not bully and torment the mother of their child, then leave the mother to care for the dc alone, while the mother is still reeling and traumatised.
real men do not ignore their dc's every need, and leave them with a sense of abandonment.
real men know that their financial contribution is to provide the children they helped to create with a better standard of life, not to provide the mother with money to "go out on the pull".
real men know how to spell their children's names.
real men are fathers to their children, and know that anything less is neglect.
real men know that it is fundamentally wrong to make the mother of their child in fear for her life.

thank you for letting me vent!

I agree. I get none of that from my DDs dad! I do however, have all that from the amazing guy I am about to marry.

I am thinking that I might name and shame my ex right here and now

With you sista! 16 years and counting here!

Whilst agreeing with you on almost every point (maristalla's one about the spelling is a bit harsh on dyslexics, I feel) in the interests of fairness surely it should be 'real parents' who shouldn't do all these things. (thumbs up to my mate bringing up 4 kids with maintenance of £5 from his ex, who left them all.)

Or at least, have a balance that says real women should not withold contact with children to punish Dad or make false accusations to prevent access.

the 'balance' is a totally different argument though.

I am absolutely fed up to the back teeth of paying for every single thing my three children need. I was fed up when I had to water down bed-time milk, I was fed up when I had to tape one of the boys shoes together with parcel tape because it was too long until payday and I had to put a meal on the table.

drink driving used to be thought of as far more acceptable than it now is because of a sea change in social opinion brought about by advertising campaigns and a serious approach by the legal system. avoiding responsibility for your child is seen by far too many people as a bit of a laugh, something to attain to. it's absolutely sickenning.

No, money and access are separate issues.

You do not say whether your ex has been assessed by the CSA....the CSA is not the only route to get financial provision for your child. The courts have powers under the Children Act 1989 to make certain financial and property transfer orders depending on your circumstances, and his of course!

This advice can only be general as I do not know your specific details but look into what you can do. A solicitor will often offer a free initial consultation but we have lots of free information on our UK based website which you can browse at your leisure without any obligations to subscribe or buy anything.

Get the financial support your child deserves!

diyfamilylaw

I quite agree that decent people put their DCs wellbeing first, and do their best to swallow any bitterness over the ending of a relationship in order to keep a good parenting relationship between the DC and whoever leaves.
I also agree that there should be an ad campaign to reinforce the idea that it is shameful to abandon your DC however unworkable the romantic relationship with their other parent might be.

UA - excellent post.
I am considering a "Take a Break" type magazine story to name and shame my xp.
2 weeks since the twat left after letting down his guard in front of the midwife. despite services which support me,putting offers of help for him/us on the table,he has made no attempt to contact or send a message to our 3 wk old baby ds.
This is the same "real man" who,throughout our time together,has wasted no opportunity to criticize and berate my xh's for their failings.
The same real man who returned to my side just before I gave birth,promising he'd never let us down etc etc

Instructions ,maristella- spot on

Excellent and saddening posts, it is child neglect whichever way you look at it. It should be a criminal offence and they should certainly be named and shamed so that another woman can check the "register" and make sure he isn't a negligent father with a backlog of responsibilities.

Tanga - he is not dyslexic!

alouiseq - a wry smile - my ex has gone on to have another chikd with the woman he left me for and then...screwed around on her when her son was 9 months old and has now impregnated the woman he left her for! forewarned isn't necessarily forearmed - sometimes we just get swept up in the...romance (for want of a better word!) and think we'll be the one to change them. maybe people do change - he certainly hasn't yet!

my ds' father met his new partner when he wasn't seeing ds.
ds saw his father a few times several years ago and the new partner really wasn't happy about it. sometimes women facilitate this.
i also believe that to neglect a child, in the way so many of our children have been neglected by their absent parents is abuse.
every time ds' paternal grandparents would tell me their son is a great father, i wouldn't mince my words - no he is not, he has neglected his son, if i was the same type of parent as he our ds would be in care and i would be vilified by all and sundry.