Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often should us mum's be having sex????

33 replies

Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:13

Am I just strange or do other people (mum's) just not interested in sex? Don't get me wrong love my hubby loads, but I always feel like sex is an effort..that can't be right can it? Having a clear out tonight of all my worries!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 02/05/2010 20:15

I had DC4 just over 2 weeks ago and I am interested in sex again, though I am holding back a bit longer!

But then again I think I have a problem....

fruitshootsandheaves · 02/05/2010 20:15

sex??? what is that?

Original poster
Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:21

Blimey LadyoftheFlowers...think I was interested (slightly) after a year!!!!!

OP posts:
EricPicklesFatNeck · 02/05/2010 20:24

with each other?

Original poster
Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:28

Sex!

OP posts:
templemaiden · 02/05/2010 20:29

As often as you want. I like it at least 3-4x a week.

Original poster
Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:32

Blimey Templemaiden feeling really abnormal now, better start looking for my sex drive straight away....good for you though, wish i felt the same, know my hubby would love it!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
SuSylvester · 02/05/2010 20:32

not until we know how to use apostrophes and NOT use the word hubby

smallishsheep · 02/05/2010 20:33

'us mums'

Goober · 02/05/2010 20:33

Couple of times a week.

Original poster
Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:36

Have I done something wrong saying hubby then?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 20:36

Yes, a lot of people find that their sex drive wanes after having children. It can have many causes, mainly TIREDNESS, but also just adjusting to the new relationship you have with your partner as a co-parent, your feelings towards your new baby, feeling "touched out" at the end of the day, breastfeeding can dry you out a bit as well (something to do with hormones) also you might be feeling nervous and sore after the birth, particularly if it was traumatic.

Your partner should be supportive and not badger you for sex. If he is you need to have a serious talk!

BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 20:38

We tend to say "DH" on here, not hubby, and people get a bit annoyed being referred to as "us mums" or similar, because just because you have had children does not mean you automatically have everything else in common with someone.

Some women find motherhood affects their sex drive, and others don't.

Original poster
Hunty · 02/05/2010 20:46

Well apologies I didn't mean to offend anyone...I was just airing how I was feeling, not realising that you had to be politically and grammerly correct with your post, I would not want to offend a soul! Also I refer to myself as a mum because I am one and my particular concern that I have aired has happened since i have become a mum, so not sure how else i was meant to refer to it.

OP posts:
EricPicklesFatNeck · 02/05/2010 20:48

maybe you need to invest in a floorlength flannelette nightie

templemaiden · 02/05/2010 20:48

Hunty - you be yourself, don't you dare conform ;)

Zedd · 02/05/2010 21:02

I second what templemaiden has just said. How old are you DC? I remember I could not bear to be touched for the first year of having my child. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's good you're talking about it. I dealt with it by being in denial...not good.
Best wishes

EccentricaGallumbits · 02/05/2010 21:13

we were at it likerabbits when they were small. much much more difficult now they are insomniac, aware, teenagers. Haven't don the deed for months.

BarbieLovesKen · 02/05/2010 21:31

Hmm funny - after my dd (now 4) sex really was a chore - I could happily have never done it again if I'm honest but made the effort once in a while.

After ds was born (13 weeks old), I couldnt wait to get back on the saddle (excuse the pun) I would happily have had it 3 weeks after but couldnt as I bled for quite a while. Anyway - now - about 3/4 times a week - or on a good week 5-6 times.

Dont think you should worry though - think its perfectly to go through a dry spell at some stage or another in any relationship (particulary with small children about)

FairhairedandFrustrated · 02/05/2010 21:33

I'm pmsl @ Su daring to tell someone off for their apostrophe use.... maybe we should get the spell checker onto her

EricNorthmansmistress · 02/05/2010 21:48

Hunty - it's kind of a mumsnet 'thing' to take the micky out of words like 'hubby' 'bubba' 'hun' etc....you can use whatever words you like though, but you'll probably catch the aversion soon enough if you stay on here!

Personally, I still have a healthy sex drive after having a baby, we do it 3 times a week or more occasionally. We are blessed with a very good sleeper who is out for the night once he goes to bed so we aren't particularly tired.

I think if you've lost your mojo you need to concentrate on getting it back. If you download the browser 'firefox' it has private browsing so you can put that on and have a look on the net for something to get your juices flowing - some people like to read naughty stories, look at porn or read dirty fanfic (twilight anyone?) and you could give it a go when DH isn't around to see if you get your engine revving...buy yourself a waterproof little vibrator like this one it's tiny and can be hidden in a handbag or knicker drawer...not that I'm suggesting you need to keep things secret but sometimes it's helpful to explore your sexual side in private before going any further.

I really think women whose sex drives have gone awol need to try to get it back - it's dispiriting to not be up for sex and I also don't think it's good for your health!

BarbieLovesKen · 02/05/2010 21:57

"I really think women whose sex drives have gone awol need to try to get it back - it's dispiriting to not be up for sex and I also don't think it's good for your health!"

  • Definately agree with this. Think your somewhat happier. Also, have heard (and found!) that the more you have it, the more you want it so...

Hunty, hope you havent been scared off.

EricNorthmansmistress · 02/05/2010 22:00

naughty stories

naughty fanfic

BertieBotts · 02/05/2010 22:10

Actually I think my sex drive just went down after DS was born because XP was a tosser

Have been seeing a new man recently and my sex drive is higher than ever

Not saying that a low sex drive means you are with the wrong person but sometimes relationship problems can cause a lack of desire, and having a child can put a strain on a relationship.

BarbieLovesKen · 02/05/2010 22:18

I definately agree with "relationship problems can cause a lack of desire, and having a child can put a strain on a relationship."

BertieBotts, having said that and not to put dampner but dont you find when its a new relationship your always at it like rabbits - honeymoon period. I think, even if there are no obvious problems, when you've been with the same person for a long time you definately have to work a little harder at maintaining the interest/ excitement in sex. Suppose trying something new/ spicing things up etc..

Swipe left for the next trending thread