I have asked dh for a trial separation, he is going tomorrow and has stated that he is never coming back

[haveidonetherighthing]

I am feeling very wobbly, we have 2 dc, one of 2.5 and the other 8 weeks.

it is his anger, I just can't deal with it anymore. i cannot spend the rest of my life having these huge arguments with me in floods and a constant low level bickering the rest of the time.

after a dreadful christmas where he demanded a divorce (he thought i wasnt being "grateful" enough for everything he provides for us - I am a SAHM), almost caused a car accident with his road rage and behaved like a twunt in front of my family I started seriously considering life without him. I suggested marriage counselling but no way would he consider it, he won't even admit we have a problem.

he has just spent the last hour telling me i am a selfish, ungrateful liar who will ruin the childrens lives, that i am a "disgrace" (all these insults have come up in previous arguments btw) that i have upset the whole family, no one will ever be able to forgive me for what i have done, that he has been nothing but an angel and I am lucky to have had him that I never admit when I am in the wrong, that i will tell everyone only my side of the story and he will come across as a total arsehole (this will happen,but only because it is true) that i won't get a penny of of him so will have to go out to work and leave the children in childcare all day.

there is an age gap of 14 years. it gets bigger by the day.

and now i have done it. shit.

Lewisfan - don't worry I will definitely call 999 if he decides to bash the door in. in fact I wouldnt think twice. house is rented in my name so thats fine (due to his horrendous credit rating when we took it on and my exemplary one) he is unlikely to do this though, that is not how he operates.

as for divorce proceedings, we shall see. I think I have already decided on that but am in no hurry to rush. am quite scared about it in truth, he knows I have lost confidence as a SAHM and is playing the "other people will think you are nuts" card.

god to think once upon a time i had a senior position on the sales floor making millions for the business every year

if it wasnt for the dc's I would wonder why i gave it all up for this prick

absolutely no rush - repair your mind first

It's good that it's your name on the rent; you can tell him to bog off and know he has no hold on the tenancy (I think - may be worth checking)

just remember that who you were, you can be... you have it in you.. it's just finding it

Wilkos, not only is your H a disgusting abusive shitbag, he's a textbook disgusting abusive shitbag. None of this is your fault, you have done nothing wrong, this horrible man has isolated you from friends and family IN ORDER TO have a human punchbag he can mistreat.
IF the house is in your name, you can bolt the door, change the locks and have the police come and take him away any time you like. TBH even if the hosue was in his name, in the case of repeated violence an abusive man loses the right to live in his house while his DC live there, because their rights to live comfortably and safely in their own home, without an abusive man rampaging around the place, carry more weight than his rights to occupy the home.

I dont see that you have wrecked the childrens lives...I think you have been sensible and thought things through, you came to the decision you thought was for the best. Children pick up on bad atmosphere, even if you try to hide arguements from them, so i think you did the right thing.
At the moment it is all still raw for you and only natural that you are feeling scared...try not to make any big decisions right now, just spend some quality time with your kids and try and be around people who love you and will support you. All the best xx

Nobody on here thinks your nuts, quite the reverse! Hope you have had a lovely peaceful day...

How is it going? This is very hard for you and although it is very easy to say you are doing the right thing, I know you are feeling very different. I have many differnet angles on this for you, I have lived thorught the violent relationship and come out fighting the other side. I have also been in the police - so can see from that perspective should you ever need them and now have had my DH walk out on me and 4 yr old for a younger more pretty model! I have gone from being finacially secure to sitting in the benfits office desperate for money to heat my home. Please do let me know if you want any advice, it is so god damn hard but there is a way forward. It's hard, very hard but worth it.