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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help, I'm lost.

51 replies

corrupted · 24/04/2010 21:13

I know I will probably get abused here but I think I need some help. I'm on a knife edge of starting an affair. I think it might be out of revenge for things that have happened between DH and I. Dh wants me to go to relate to try and fix our marriage - I don't want him to touch me and dread the thought of counselling. He's been poorly with depression and I've tried my best to support him but something in me has snapped. I don't want to fuck my life up but I'm struggling. I can't tell anyone in real life what is going on - they are under the illusion that all is well but as the old adage goes, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

OP posts:
outofmysystem · 25/04/2010 09:24

Pasttrauma..good advice

I also believe that eventually the trauma has to be opened up and processed mentally to move on...this can be initially by thinking about it gradually, writing it down and then,when ready,talking about it bit by bit...ie slowly,over a period of time and when ready

The problem with counselling sessions per se is that all of it comes at once,with a conversation about the trauma,possibly also other life events and too many trggers of bad memories could be thrown up at once causing intense distress.

One thing I would like to say to you ,corrupted, is please don't feel inadequate or weak in some way for suffering the distress or effects of what happened...it is a process that has to occur a bit like grieving,and the intensity depends on various factors such as how intensely you cared about the person[yourbf] and how unexpected it was etc....

I always maintain that the most sensitive,empathetic,loving people will find the trauma very difficult because of those personal qualities....after all if we didn't care very much it wouldn't be so traumatic really would it?

Look after yourself and try and take yourself on this journey ...you will be happy and calm again and you will gain eventually from the experience,hard though it is

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