When my mother committed suicide it was not discussed for 25 years
It was well locked away
Until life got on top of me (husband nice enough but never strong and very uncommunicative, work stressful etc). Something similar happened again, not that close to me, but close enough for it to enter my world and it took me back to the trauma.
At that point, I saw a bereavement counsellor and for the first time talked properly about what had happened. Having seen a few counsellors since for other reasons I can see now that the bereavement counsellor wasn't the best for me BUT I know now that sooner or later this was all going to blow up and that door could never have remained closed forever. Much has happened since this point and I am now in a position where I have huge things to deal with in my life as a single parent. TBH I couldn't do this now without revisiting and getting through that trauma. I am a much stronger person now for opening the box.
But I'm me and you're you.
Having been through what I have been through I'd say.........
Sooner or later, horrible though it may feel, I think that you need to talk to the right person about this in more detail. BUT the time has to be right for you and I would strongly suggest that you look hard for the right person.
For all of the years when I never discussed the suicide, I would never never have thought I would talk about it openly to anyone and certainly would never have believed I would speak to a counsellor.
Most people in my world know about the suicide now and although I don't talk about it a great deal it's no longer locked away. The tip I was given by the counsellor when I stopped seeing her was never to lock the box of feelings about it away again and always to keep the lid a bit open.
If you do get to the point where you think could talk about it, do some research and talk to a few counsellors before you launch fully into it. E.g. call a few helplines (is it CRUSE, the bereavement one? I think there is a specialist suicide survivors charity also, talk with your GP, look at the BACP website, etc). Talk with 3-4 on the phone and see whether you think they're right for you. It may feel scary but remember it's only a phone call - you don't have to go and meet them if you don't want to.
IME this is such a difficult thing that friends, partners, relatives will probably never understand how you feel. My husband had just no idea TBH. It was just too far from his own world. But having said that, I've found that people have been very kind now that they know and I have deeper friendships nowadays.