I like him, I think he likes me - how do I ask him out

[myturntonamechange]

OK, namechanger; if you recognise me please don't out me.

I have the hots for a man I know through work. I've known him for 18 months and see him every couple of months. When I first met him I was still with my abusive ex. I've been single for 9 months now and have not had sex for 18 months.

He's always flirted a bit, is very kind, charming and funny. Long story, but he knows my ex was abusive and how difficult leaving him was. He always asks how I am in a 'how are you' kind of way. Lots of eye contact, smiling and spending much more time with me than is necessary.

So if I have the courage to ask him out (or will he ever ask me?), how do people do it nowadays. The last date I went on before my ex was over ten years ago. Can I e-mail him? I only have his work number, his calls are handled by his secretary and I don't bump into him out of work.

All you experienced mumsnetters, please help! Reading the man I care most about is getting married thread has thrown me into a panic. I'd rather be rejected than never know.

is he in your office, or your building?
sounds promising!

Disclaimer: i'm a bloke.
Why not ask him out to lunch at work? Or do you already do that? A good one i liked is oh i need to buy something from habitat/b&q, come and help me choose.
it's kind of non-threatening but cute.

another one is to go to the cinema at like 4-5pm at the weekend, saturday is good. do you know what films he likes?
oh i'd really like to see XX, fancy it? then when you come out it'll be like 6-7pm. then you go fancy a quick drink

then you do loads of kissing etc

FWIW I don't think you should email him, it seems too planned. Try and keep it casual and see if something comes up in conversation, like a film.

Is there anything you need done/lifted etc? You could always ask him if he could come and help you with some simple diy task, plan it for after work and tell him he must stay for dinner as payment.

Good luck!

Thank you, good advice.

My only problem is that I can't see me having either the opportunity or confidence to try any of these suggestions.

He works in a different part of my organisation and I don't run into him casually. When I do see him there is nearly always someone else there, she is very discreet and leaves us to chat. I think she's worked it out.

Partly I think my experiences with my ex have made me very bad at trusting my instinct and I feel my judgement isn't very good. I also have trouble thinking that anyone would be interested in me; I know I'm not unattractive and I get a fair share of men checking me out, but my ex was so nasty I don't feel good about myself.

The approach I can see as useful is anothermum92's where I can say yes, I'm great, ready to start dating again. Unfortunately I won't see him again until the end of July and it seems a loooong time to wait. As a single parent, spontaneous let's go for a drink stuff isn't something that is likely to happen.

Email him then .

Say you would love to try a certain restaurant and would he like to join you. Etiquette says you invite him you pay so make sure that isn't a problem and good luck.

OK like Fab's e-mail option. What do you think of this:

Hi X

Hope you are well and that work isn't quite as grim as when I last saw you.

Spring is in the air and I feel like getting out a bit more. I found out that they've opened a branch of XX in XX and I've always wanted to go. Would you like to join me?

namechanger

What would you think if you got an e-mail like this? The correct answer is obviously, well she's a total babe and I've been dying to ask her out, I'm so flattered and then hit reply. How likely is that to happen?

Ironically it is true - a branch of a restaurant I have always wanted to go to has just opened and I know it's the sort of food he likes, so not a complete blag.

I would say instead of "would you like to join me" - wondered if you fancied meeting up for lunch one day....?

No, would you like to join me is better as it is more definitely rather than maybe...

helloo

Do it. Just do it! {shoves OP bossily}

If you won't see him and would be too shy to ask him face to face then go with the email, I like the bit about getting out a bit more - sounds light and positive. Like you say in OP, much rather to take the risk than never ever know and have unanswered questions.

hello x
Just wondered if you'd fancy meeting up for lunch soon? I'd really like to try such and such a restaurant - what d'you think?

Do it!
Sooner rather than later.

I missed my chance with the bloke I like, was 2 months too late!

OK, I did it and sent the e-mail pretty much as above. I shall now wait with baited breath for him to ignore it.

good for you!

Yay - me too! (Waiting with baited breath). Hope it goes good!

I need to know what happens next!

Ooooooh

I am sending getting it on vibes.

Ooh Good luck!

Was lurking, now marking! Ooh ooh ooh.....

Oh I do hope he says yes!! You are very brave!!!

Another lurker/marker - hope he responds positively.