I like him, I think he likes me - how do I ask him out

[myturntonamechange]

OK, namechanger; if you recognise me please don't out me.

I have the hots for a man I know through work. I've known him for 18 months and see him every couple of months. When I first met him I was still with my abusive ex. I've been single for 9 months now and have not had sex for 18 months.

He's always flirted a bit, is very kind, charming and funny. Long story, but he knows my ex was abusive and how difficult leaving him was. He always asks how I am in a 'how are you' kind of way. Lots of eye contact, smiling and spending much more time with me than is necessary.

So if I have the courage to ask him out (or will he ever ask me?), how do people do it nowadays. The last date I went on before my ex was over ten years ago. Can I e-mail him? I only have his work number, his calls are handled by his secretary and I don't bump into him out of work.

All you experienced mumsnetters, please help! Reading the man I care most about is getting married thread has thrown me into a panic. I'd rather be rejected than never know.

Oh yes your email is great, only just seen, sorry.

WHERE ARE YOU??? we need to know what happened!

please let us know - have you got a date?

Any news?

Oh how exciting! Has he replied?

Am lurking and waiting.

Good luck namechange, I can't wait to hear the outcome!

You're all so much more excited than me! And now I have to disappoint you all.

He has said...nothing. Haven't heard from him and it's almost gone past the magic 48 hours barrier, where even if he does reply after that it's not so encouraging.

But I'm pleased I did it and can cope with the residual embarrassment when I next see him. Men are so confusing, what was with all the eye contact and meaningful chat?

Oh

He could just be busy

I think it is better to know one way or the other though, aat least then you can move on if his response isn't promising (not that I'm currently doing a very good job at that )

God men are crap. maybe he hasnt picked up the email?? well done for being so brave and sending it though

His email must be down or he hasn't read it . He would have given you a polite no if he wasn't interested surely?

you're braver than me- he's prob not picked up his mails. poor form thou not to reply if he has.

fingers crossed.

I think you did it the right way - bearing in mind your past relationship you asked him in a way that didn't put him on the spot and either embarrass you outright in front of someone else (if you asked him) and has given him an opportunity to have a think. The only problem is that you don't have an answer immediately! Now if it isn't the best news (which you will have to prepare yourself for) then you have lost nothing!!!!!

I absolutely salute you and your attitude to dating after such a long time! It is brilliant and you should be so proud of yourself, don't let any negative feelings put you off. He may well want to try and put you off gently, he may well be considering if he takes you out and it goes really well how does it progress with a single parent etc (something some men are scared of) or he could just be mega mega busy and has forgotten to reply.

Keep going though!

So is there any update?

Er, no update I'm afraid. I heard precisely nothing, so all the potential excuses (off sick, on holiday) can no longer apply.

What has surprised me more than anything is how unbothered I am. I have spent significant amounts of time of wishful thinking on this man. Now that I've brought my fantasy into reality and it doesn't stand up, I feel, well relieved. It's as if it's something off my mental to do lists.

Armchair psychology opinions always welcome