DH has cheated, he thinks the OW is genuine regarding morning after pill

[desperatewife]

Strange questions really, I would be grateful for any help.

I recently caught DH having an affair. I know the OW a little bit, through mutual friends mainly but not that well myself. I think that OW is deceiving DH (she is a fabulous liar) but DH does not believe OW actived deceitfully, even though he claims that he has ended the relationship because I found out.

DH had unprotected sex with her in the middle of her cycle. She said that she would take the morning after pill the next day. She told DH she did, but I think that she is trying to get pregnant by my DH as she has confessed to being desperate for a child.

I have no experience of the MAP and neither does DH. However, I thought that it could make you bleed, that it had unpleasant side effects and additionally that it was more than one pill. Having told DH that she took the MAP, OW had no side effects whatsoever and continued to have sex with DH straightaway.

I need to open DH's eyes as he is still in contact with her. I am sure she is deceiving him and he can't see it. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Is it really possible that she could have taken the MAP, not bled and not had any side effects and how many pills is it or does it vary with different brands?

Desperate, I'm sorry to be so blunt but your 'husband' PREFERS THIS WOMAN TO YOU. He might think that a token apology will ensure that you keep washing his pants and feeding him while he carries on trying to impregnate her, but that is the limit of his regard for you. You can't make someone love you, or stay with you, or prefer you to another person and trying to do so will destroy you. Make preparations for the end of your marriage, make plans, get all the info, because TBH this man is probably going to walk out on you for the other woman, probably fairly soon. And if by any chance he doesn't (perhaps because her domestic abilities are less than yours) he is going to make your life hell forever by, every time you don't immediatly obey or indulge him, reminding you that the OW is wonderful and lovely and better than you.
He's not SORRY at all. And you are worth much more than this.

Bless you OP, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going though this...

but..

I have to say this...

"I need to open DH's eyes as he is still in contact with her. I am sure she is deceiving him and he can't see it. Any information would be greatly appreciated."

open his eyes? open his EYES? I'd be opening the back of his ffing head with a pickaxe... THAT'D help him SEE it.

Have not read through entire thread, but seriously, you have to kick this guy into touch and give him one heck of a wake up call.

I also agree with the others and AF's post about a pattern emerging from the posts.

I know you say jyou want to rebuild your marriage, but at the moment it doesn't look there is any basis to start rebuilding. You cannot rebuild something when he is still far too much into this OW.

It seems that he has used his confession of the affair as a way of keeping you both so to speak. You wanting to stay in the marriage, him still seeing her and you knowing about it.

Oh goodness. I feel so sorry for you OP. Because you are trying so hard to get your dh to see that this woman is no good... but he's still hurting you by holding her in such high regard How can you hold someone in high regard who chose to sleep with a married man?
It is very sad that you are shielding yourself from dealing with the hurt he has caused and is causing and his disgusting actions by focusing on showing your dh that she isn't worth it and is deceitful

Cake=eat it.

Barstarrd.

Run for the hills woman.

Much much much sympathy, 5 years ago I was in your position, and so desperate to save my marriage I believed everything my lying cheating scroat of an XH told me
Similar story, OW was/is a nasty piece of tart, and I was angry/blamed her for a long time, as it was easier than seeing my XH for what he truly was!!

However,whilst declaring his love for me and begging me to put my wedding ring back on, he did indeed manage to impregnate the OW, and then me 5 months later!

The 2 babies are now both 2 and actually all 3 DC (my 2 DD's and the OW DD) do have a decent realtionship!

I am now happily divorced and moved on, but I do wish it could have been different, but it wasnt and me wanting it so couldnt have made it so

Am I sorry I wasted so much time on him/hating her, well yes I guess, but also I can look back and know that I did everything I could but he failed me and our DD's! And I have even come so far that all I feel is pity for the OW, she is left with the booby prize

Only you can get through this, and it is never as easy or simple as it looks from the outside!

You will not be able to tell your H, my XH's OW was determined to get pregnant and so she did!!

To answer your question - taken it a few times. One time threw up all night. The other times no side effects, once a delayed period I think. No spotting. Can't remember how many pills.

He's an idiot.

I think I recognise who this is and honestly, this is a lost cause love -

It's one thing for a betraying man not to vilify the OW and take full responsibility for his actions, but quite another for him to be so hurtful as to idealise her to his wife.

The truth is that both parties are to blame. He took the decision to have unprotected sex and therefore endanger his and your health and risk a pregnancy. She took the decision to endanger her own health and possibly a partner's - and to risk a pregnancy. Whether to take the MAP or not was entirely her call, incidentally - she may have taken it, she may have lied, but that was her decision to make. Once he had unprotected sex, his decision to take a risk was made. That he then had sex with her again shows that for him, it was a risk worth taking.

I well understand your anger to the OW - and FWIW I think it is a righteous anger, as she knew she was having a relationship with a committed father. However, you should feel furious with him - and that's just not coming through from your posts. I know you want to fight for your marriage and actually, I do understand why you "need" him to hate the OW - but try to see this in non-competitive terms if you can.

He is no prize. She is no goddess. They are flawed individuals and they are both appallingly selfish. At the moment, they probably think they are "in love" and see it as a tragic tale of epic proportions, rather than the common or garden tryst that it is.

Hold on to your dignity and tell him to go - please....

You did not "lose", you did not "give up" - you were failed by someone who was meant to safeguard your health and your emotions.

It is perfectly possible to forgive and get past this hurt, but only if the betrayer is truly sorry and commits their whole life to atoning for that dreadful hurt. If you are who I think you are - and from what I've seen on this thread alone - that isn't where your H is at. Please don't let him either carry on with this relationship under your nose or grieve its loss. Your mental health will not stand that - and this is completely distinct from pride incidentally, which has no place in decisions of this kind.

Let him go.

Don't let him go.
Make him.

i agree with the mummy/son thing.

i can understand being desperate to save your marriage but don't let it blur the line of what's acceptable behavioral and what's not.

I agree with previous posters who say that you need to make him leave. He sounds horrendous.

FWIW the MAP (when I took it in 2002) gave me an upset tummy.

I think most men, once they've crossed the invisible line of confessing up to an affair - well that's usually the point at which they leave if they're going to. Isn't it?

The fact that he hasn't left, that he's still confiding his problems in you rather than communicating with the OW, that he feels the need to sing her praises whilst not actually trusting her to have any integrity even on an issue as basic as contraception? It smells like an exit strategy gone wrong to me.

By behaving so apallingly and making your situation untenable, he's trying to force your hand - getting you to take on all the responsibility for ending, or not ending, the relationship.

If I were you I'd call his bluff and go for a trial separation. Tell him that when he's prepared to end it for good with OW and make a real commitment to your marriage, including going to marriage counselling, you might consider taking him back. In the meantime, refuse to be his sounding board, agony aunt and contraception adviser. If he wants to be with OW, let him shoulder the responsibility for the resulting challenges himself.

My guess is that the last thing he really wants is a long-term relationship with the so-obviously-trying-to-conceive OW. He may want to come crawling back after a while - by which time you will have moved on, changed, become stronger and won't want to touch him with a barge pole! Even if that doesn't happen you will both have a clearer idea of what to do next .

I do think the "don't slag off my bit on the side" attitude of the husband is breath-taking in it's insensitivity.

Does he really think he made it all ok by asking her to take the morning after pill afterwards?????

Sometimes I think men confess to their wives in the hope their wife will then deal with it and they can feel it wasn't all their fault. Like a child when they smear chocolate all over the sofa, 'fess up and burst into tears.

I feel for you but I only got beyond the first two posts. I just thought what is this about? theses stories keep coming up,its sucha shame. Im not going to judge because I need time to read it all properly. I hope you are ok but I dont get why you are so involved. Like I said, I will read all the posts later. Yeah, Ive taken the morning after pill more than I shouldve in my younger day. No side effects. You dont know if it works or not so, I presume it does.

Im exhausted after reading all that!! I agree with everyone else, he's trying for a baby with her and I cannot believe he is involving you. Kick him out!!!!!!!! theres nothing else you can do. Dont make any excuses for him.

Honestly, why do you want to be with this man? Also, can't understand why the OW would want him either.

I cant believe he would go into so much detail with you. Talk about twisting the knife