apparently it's not my decison whether i forgive the father of my baby

[1pregheadpumpkin]

long story really.

weeeeeeeeeell, im 18 and 19 weeks pregnant. im in my last term of year 13 and i live with my parents. also i have a part time job. this is where i met, what can only be described as my ex, and the father of the baby.
we got on very well, in all honesty we still do, he's my best friend (which i know is gross)but he made a very big mistake.

he told me he could drive and that he had like, 12,000 in a savings account, (also, i know im a tit for not doubting him) and he told me this from the start. even when the doubts appeared he wouldnt admit to it being made up, so my dad frightened the truth out of him.

cue the break up. i was really mad, but not as mad as my parents who expect me not to see him.

i was angry as i said, but he's so determined to win me and the baby back, and he really is faultless in any other sense. his reasoning was, he didint think i'd want just plain old him without these things, but the truth is, of course i would, i'd have loved him just the same, and i do.

he's joinging the RAF, taking driving lessons, putting money in the baby savings account every pay day, and comes to all my antenatal and midwife appointments. he's really excited about the baby. and i forgive him, it was stupid but not that big a deal.

the trouble is, my parents get uptight if they think im texting him, every time i pick up my phone its "who are you texting?!" and every time i go out to see a friend its "are you going to see that pratt?!".

i fear he can do his very best for us and my parents will still not let me take him back, but i want my baby to have his daddy, and surely its my decision?

it might be a choice between him and the support of my parents. is it fair to make me choose?

Wow OP you don't really write like a teen and I'm surprised you're using MN. No capital letters yet no text speak????

.

Not going to advise you what to do, but your mother's refusal to attend the scan with your baby's father present and her threat to leave you to support yourself remind me of my parents reaction when I first met my (now)DH.

I was 17, he was 34, and in retrospect I can absolutely understand their concerns! What I did not understand was their threat to cut me off if I continued in a relationship with him. I knew him to be a good person and went with my gut instinct, feeling that if I let my family dictate this situation I could spend the rest of my life regretting it and resenting them for the control I allowed them. So, I made my decision and my parents

• finding that things had not gone the way they wanted and that they had a real chance of losing contact with their daughter - gradually started to come round. We are still together, married with a child, and everyone gets on very nicely indeed thankyou!

Looking back, I know I could have handled the situation a lot better and prevented some of the hurt that was caused on both sides. I do regret that I allowed it to get to a stalemate situation. You sound far more sensible than I was in that you are really trying to keep the peace here. Just wanted to get across that even though your parents are giving ultimatums you may find that they don't follow them through because they don't actually believe that you will defy them.

Some really good advice on this thread. I hope you come to the decision that is best for you and your baby.

Okok fair enough. i'm not being disingenuous when i say i hope it all goes well. having a baby at a young age can be fantastic, so much time to spend with them etc. and i'm sure whatever happens everyone will love the baby when it becomes a baby. i fully support your/any woman's right to choose.

maybe i've been reading too many of these threads on here - where men behave so badly to women - that it clouded my judgement. but...

it's just the lying part by the young fella. i remember being a young fella well, stuff happens. you don't have qualifications (yet), neither does he, you have kind of semi-split up. why not give yourself a better chance that's all? you are stacking the odds against yourself imo. what job is he in now? will you get back together? why discount the parents' thoughts? who is going to find the cash to pay for a baby? you? your parents? him? the state? will you work? can you pay for nursery? will you study?

it can all be done though. the odds aren't insurmountable, i've seen it first hand, twice..but i like less risk in my life...

And no I hate Rugby, strictly football...

OP, congratulations!
I was in a similar situation 3 years ago, except my ex-p was on his way to be a rockstar, still waiting!
I don't understand why people keep mentioning that you don't have qualifications, I guess you will be sitting your exams next month/July. There is no reason why you wouldn't sit those exams and pass just because you are expecting.
Your mother is being pretty horrible though, she needs to understand it is not her decision about how much involvement the father has.
I see your "friend", not sure what else to call him is looking to be a pilot. This second interview was probably the specialist interview, he will now have to do his medical tests and interest tests then should be waiting on a date to start at Halton.
As I was in such a similar situation not so long ago please do feel free to get in touch if you would like to get in touch.

Good luck with your exams.

Congratulations on your baby.

I hope that your baby's father sticks around - it sounds like he's making the effort to give you all the support that he can right now, and regardless of whatever mistakes he's made in the past, its what's happening now that's the most important thing.

When I was your age, my relationship with my parents was tricky and that was without the unplanned pregnancy thing. I'm guessing that they're struggling a little on how to handle it all. It doesn't excuse your mum being nasty about the baby's father though. I hope that she doesn't damage your relationship completely...

Good luck

I'm surprised that no-one seems to have picked up on the words "he's going to be a pilot" - The Airforce at Pilot officer level is a boys club, I'd be very interested to know ( if I was the OP) just how he is entering as a pilot.

Malificence You can enter the RAF to train as a pilot as long as you are 17.5 yrs or over and have at least 2 A Levels and are a UK citizen.

Mal - I was a bit at that. One thing to join the RAF, but as a pilot?! And he's got no other qualifications either.

Also for Mal and a bit off topic:
I remember you saying you knew the airman who was shot by the IRA with his child in Wildenrath. Do you know how his wife is doing these days? We were posted in Germany at the time and that case has always haunted me.

Goth, I remember his name, Corporal "mick" Islania (sp?) he and his wife were Muslim I think and as far as I remember she went back to her family, sorry I don't know more than that, I can't remember if she had other children or whether their DD who was also murdered was their first child .
DH can probably ask about on forces reunited to try and find out some info. It's such a long time ago - we could never bear to set foot in that cafe again.

If people think getting into the RAF as a pilot just entails having a couple of A levels, well .

RAF Pilot training details here

Makes sense to recruit and train young pilots after A levels.

Great link Babieseverywhere, was trying to find one but must have been searching complete rubbish to have not found that.
Was only going by what my brother did.

another update. the scan went well and the parents came to it, mum was getting all teary and kept grabbing my hand, but dad looked rather bored and i dont really know why i invited him.

mum now says she doesnt want the father at the birth either, but i'm absolutley not having her make this decision. if she doesnt want to be in the same room as him, she doesnt have to be their, her choice.

he's just waiting now for his next interview, reading up on evrything he needs to know. spent yesterday with him and it was nice, just the three of us.

he does have A-levels. and he wanted to go in to train as a weapons engineer but they told him he should train as a pilot. he does fulifill the entry requirements and he's going back for further interviews.

so what's the problem?

Really pleased the scan went well.

1pregheadpumpkin,

although she wasn't pregnant I married my OH when she was 17 and I was 19. Everyone was telling us we were too young, gave us a year max etc.

Although it has turned up s**t creek in the last few years it 'should' be our 34th wedding anniversary this year. Not always been easy but we got through it without any help/input from parents

You sound pretty level headed, and even though your baby's dad acted a bit immature at first sounds like he will be there for you.

I wish all three of you the best of luck, you will have difficult times but with the attitude you seem to have I think you will come through.

Just because your mum is your mum doesn't mean she knows it all. She may be frightened for you and your baby, but it's you that will have to live the life.

Sorry if this sounds a load of c**p but after having my parents trying to sabotage my teenage relationships, not just this one, I don't tend to give my parents much credibility

Again, good luck and hope this makes sense

I'm not quite following why he isn't your boyfriend any more? Do you want him to be your partner?

ok, yadda yadda. so if he gets through selection, if he gets through initial training, if he gets through basic flying training, if, if, if

apols for typos lol, not even sure if i can read that...

righto, decided to tell my mother i am taking back the father of the baby, she was disappointed but accepting. stepdad however is furious and says i have to leave and that i am no longer his responsibility. i feel this is a bit extreme, especially as i have exams next month.

havent risen to it, hoping he will calm down.