Making sex more Interesting

[DevonshireCat]

Okay, a dad here, but I need some advice. DP and me have sex about every month if all goes well. Always vanilla, no buildup, lights off. Loads of love but no excitement.

I think a bit more interest would be great for us both but I have no idea what to do next. I like to think I am open to suggestions. When I make even mild suggestions to DP they are though about but quietly dropped.

Starting to feel like we might have to carry on like this but dont want to see a future where there's no variety or intensity.

How can I encourage DP to join me in trying something a bit more interesting and what would you start with?

Nina - sorry - I hate being felt up whilst doing domestic chores. The others are all good, though

If I stood behind my OH and groped her while she was washing up I would probably get stabbed...

OK fine - scrap the bloody first suggestion.

Oh no Nina...I hate unsolicited groping especially when I am cooking fish fingers or summat

It just makes me feel like a piece of meat and has threatening sexual overtones...made more so if not expected

yuk

being a piece of meat when invited...yup

oops Nina..you are obviosuly in the minority here with the groping

nothing wrong with a bit of minority action...but only if you like it

I think I'm getting a bit more help now.

BOF: I try very hard to do whatever I can domestically, and do make time for her by herself. I do send notes and cards, and also am affectionate. But we seem just to be affectionate.

RE: Talking: we have a talk now and again about this and agree to do "something" and then don't follow through. I want to do something to start the journey.

Nina: Like the suggestions except the first!

Thanks

give the bedroom a makeover - make it a boudoir not just somewhere to sleep

Have candles on when you go to bed, does she like porn?

Skymoo: bedroom we're working on. Never tried porn. Any suggestions for something for us both?

Not really, it's a bit down to preferences. For example DP would be into deviant stuff whereas I like 'normal'. She might like a bit of girl on girl?

You both need to start perusing Literotica.com.

I bought Monogomy after seeing it recommended on MN, and showed it to DW saying I'd seen it recommended here and I thought it might be fun to give it a try (all v casual, no pressure).

She said I was weird, and it lives under the bed still in the cellophane wrapping...

Monogamy is RUBBISH! So long winded and tame tbh!

I am struggling to think of ways you can tackle this if you have already made suggestions and they are rebuffed tho

Have you tried the boring usual candlelit dinner, candles, music, massage route to something more raunchy?

What about blindfolding her and trying out something different, or light bondage so she can't escape

I was quite reserved WRT the whole sex thing until I met my DH and OMG he has opened my eyes and enriched our toy/movie/book collection

Have you tried ringing a sex line?

If the OP doesn't know what his wife might like, how the hell are we meant to guess?

Tbh, it doesn't sound like he wants particularly kinky stuff, just a bit of variety with the lights on and the feeling that she wants to please him, even if that just means her enjoying givng him a BJ or something, am I wrong DC?

Sex is meant to be fun and a laugh,not to mention a bit dirty/raunchy at times, it's worth getting over any embarrassment about talking , is she a bit more open after a couple of drinks?

Does she actually enjoy being touched / touching you? You say it only happens once a month - is she only interested mid cycle?

It's the "lights off" bit that says maybe she has body issues, if she doesn't like herself , she will struggle to believe that you really do love her body. I do think that getting her on top of you, in the light wil help her.

BK...stop it ! < frowns over pince-nez >

Couldn't resist AF