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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you go through phases where you can't stand your DH?

43 replies

LinaLamont · 13/04/2010 21:53

I really hope it's a passing phase beacuse I feel a bit down lately and hope it'll pass. I'm struggling to even be civil to him. I know I'm being a snappy cow.

OP posts:
traumaqueen · 13/04/2010 22:00

I was going to post a glib comment about my xdh but I remember what it felt like to live with someone you couldn't stand so I stopped myself.

Have you considered a good-things diary: at the end of each day write down three good things about DH. Start right now.

Hassled · 13/04/2010 22:03

"Can't stand" is maybe too strong, but yes, there are definately periods when he irritates the fuck out of me. Just as I'm sure the same is true for him. But we've been together long enough to know we'll always come out the other side again and all will be well.

Do you go out together at all without DCs? Even if it's just to the pub for a quick drink and a proper chat - helps you reconnect when you need it, I find. If you can afford a babysitter it's always worth the effort.

Jaggers · 13/04/2010 22:07

Yeah of course, sometimes DP drives me totally crackers and i'm a right grump. Normally passes though. Try and get some space (easier said then done I know) Hope you feel better soon.

LeQueen · 13/04/2010 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cyb · 13/04/2010 22:08

yes i'm in the midst of one at the moment

its cyclical I find

traceybath · 13/04/2010 22:08

God yes.

But it does pass.

MyCatIsABastard · 13/04/2010 22:11

Oh yes. DH just really pissed me off by the way he told me he was off to bed. He looked at me all puppy eyed and said he was tired and might have to go to bed.

I wanted to fecking slap him and the poor bloke has done nothing wrong!

I have no doubt at all that occassionally he wants me to piss off too.

nickschick · 13/04/2010 22:13

Its the breathing thing - if he stopped it woould help .

Actually said that in a fun way bcos i know theres several mners who would love their dhs to be here.

bibbitybobbityhat · 13/04/2010 22:15

Yes. And it can go on for months. Years, even.

RubyPink · 13/04/2010 22:17

Agreed bibbitybobbityhat

LynetteScavo · 13/04/2010 22:18

Yes, iIke every weekend.

ameliameerkat · 13/04/2010 22:20

Why do men breathe so loud?! Seriously! And he slurps when he drinks water. I'm very stressed at the moment, so naturally everything he does drives me mad. It'll pass though. He is lovely really

LynetteScavo · 13/04/2010 22:26

My DH chews loudly.

He eats musely in the living room, and chews it. I have to put my fingers in my ears, then he acts like I'm being unreasonable.

4andnotout · 13/04/2010 22:29

Most of the time actually, but when I do like him it makes a pleasant change

frumpygrumpy · 13/04/2010 22:29

Yes.
Totally normal.
And frequently.

And for me, I hate my DP when I am feeling crap personally. Lately, I have felt better about ME and my relationship has gone from strength to strength.

picc · 13/04/2010 22:32

ah! a "good things" diary.
I may start one of those.

At times, when I get worked up about something, I really lose perspective and can't think of ANYTHING I like about DH

Not for long... but I'd like something that helps me stop being so self-indulgent and sulky at times (like in September when next DC is due, and I'm likely to be sleep-deprived and hormonal and all over the place....)

(sorry for hijack!)

(although I guess I have kinda answered the OP: yes at times, I really lose perspective and 'hate' DH)

Original poster
LinaLamont · 13/04/2010 22:41

Thank you. I feel a bit better. I don't feel this way all the time so I'm hoping that I'll stop wanting to fling his pants out the window.

OP posts:
Irishchic · 13/04/2010 22:58

Felt like that for over 2 months last year. We ended up in Relate. It helped a lot and now we are back on track. Now he only annoys me periodically, like every sunday, the only day we are at home, together, all day with our five kids and we usually end up bickering at some stage. Have learnt to expect that. I keep it all in perspective now, the good and the bad, it's important to remember the good stuff when the bad bits threaten to overwhelm.

bourboncreme · 14/04/2010 09:44

Yes yes yes but deep down I know we do love each other but sometimes I wish it was nearer the surface!

wahwahwah · 14/04/2010 09:49

2 years?

wheresmypaddle · 14/04/2010 10:09

Yes am currently really struggling to even like DP and I can't for the life of me work out if I am being unreasonable or not.

Needless to say he thinks I am!!

Its got so bad I am wondering if we would be better off without him. I just can't decide .

AnAngelWithin · 14/04/2010 10:36

oh god yes, at the end of the day how can you live in harmony with someone for the rest of your life!! I am sure I irritate the hell out of him lately too cos I'm moody!! (pg and due in 5 weeks though!)

Casmama · 14/04/2010 10:49

Yes - dh made redundant in January and I am on Mat leave so spending soo much time together and stressing majorly about money I have really gone off him in a big way. Luckily, in the past couple of weeks those feelings seem to have disappeared (mostly) so I agree that I think it is cyclical.

PrivetDancer · 14/04/2010 10:58

Yes definitely phases of annoyance. Not had one for a while so must be due soon. They seem to go away again for no obvious reason so I just ride it out now!

Totally relate to MyCatIsABastard he always seems so pathetic when he's 'tired'

Lizzylou · 14/04/2010 11:02

Yes, can't stand is a little harsh perhaps, but when he snores all night long and I am tired it probably isn't.