Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you go through phases where you can't stand your DH?

43 replies

LinaLamont · 13/04/2010 21:53

I really hope it's a passing phase beacuse I feel a bit down lately and hope it'll pass. I'm struggling to even be civil to him. I know I'm being a snappy cow.

OP posts:
cyb · 14/04/2010 11:03

I am in a phase at the moment where he comes upatairs, I go downstairs. He comes downstairs I go upstairs. So he is effectively chasing me round the house.

Not talking to me, just 'being' there.

Grr

deaddei · 14/04/2010 11:13

Yes yes yes.
I think I am coming out of it now but it has lasted about 6 weeks.
He can be very controlling in a vague way- if he was challenged about it he'd deny it.
me- "I'm not feeling well"
dh "yes you are"
me- "no, I've got a migraine and I can't see"
dh "you're always ill- fgs go and get it sorted"
He has no empathy- all to do with his upbringing IMO.
I find it quite draining and doesn't do much for my self esteem.He accuses me of "not doing anything" ie not going to the gym enough,or having hobbies.
However, I have started challenging him, or saying "I don't agree with that" when he'd expect me to nod my head. Makes me feel a lot better.
I think part of the problem is we are both 50, but I am a young one- enjoy music, dancing, parties- and he doesn't. His friends are between 50 and 60 - mine are in their 30's and 40's.
So as I am getting more confident, I find his behaviour , while still irritating, doesn't affect me as much.
Personally, I think he is slightly autistic but of course we'll never have that discussion!

deaddei · 14/04/2010 11:14

(sorry that was a bit long!)

Shodan · 14/04/2010 11:19

Yes. Nearly always, though, when I'm tired. I have periodic sleep difficulties and I need what little patience and energy I have for the DCs.

In fact, only this morning I told DH to go to work because I was this close (indicates small measurement between thumb and forefinger) to slapping him. (Not that I ever would, you understand, but he was being so annoying about the kitchen bin).

And I won't stop being irritated until I've had some decent sleep. But I do now make a point of reminding myself of his good qualities when I feel like this so I don't act unbearably unreasonably.

TheFantasticFixit · 14/04/2010 11:23

Oh completely and we haven't got children yet.. mainly breathing loudly so I can't read or read the same passage of text over and over again until I go mad, or snoring (which honestly I am so annoyed at the majority of the time that I have violent thoughts - thoughts only mind) and the way he eats drives me BONKERS. Absolutely bonkers. I have only noticed it in the last month or so but he chews so loudly and snaps his teeth together as he does and the combination is enough to put me off my own dinner. I can't stand it. And he slurps tea which makes me want to bash him with the mug over the head.

GRRRRRrrrr... MEN.

Still I wouldn't swap him though

Swanky · 14/04/2010 11:50

I don't but I know a LOT of my friends do. Not sure if its a long term thing (they have been together at least twice as long as DH and me) or just the way their relationship works. We are not volatile at all, he used to sulk, I no longer let him and we do that annoyingly adult thing of talking when we have a problem .

So yeah, normal I think, but not in my marriage.

lilacclaire · 14/04/2010 13:45

I agree with frumpygrumpy.
Definetly relates to how im feeling about myself, I seem to project my self loathing onto dp, thats why i can't seem to work out why he's irritating me so much, because its actually myself I don't like.
When I feel good, all is good!

EarthMotherImNot · 14/04/2010 13:51

Yes, every single solitary Saturday, from noon til bedtime.

There seems to be a blackout of every channel on our TV except of course Sky bloody sports.

He does look up from time to time, when his stomach grumbles usually but otherwise he's not at home and if I mention going out he looks at me as though I've suggested a threesome!

Never mind, I hear you say, the footie season will soon be finished.

Ah yes to be replaced by cricket

Aaaaaaaarrgggghhhh

and breathe!

nikki1978 · 14/04/2010 14:36

Yes I do but it is a rare occurence. Obviously sometimes he annoys the hell out of me but if we are talking about going off someone for a while it happens to me once a every few years for about a month where I don't fancy him, everything he does annoys me and I start questionning everything about our relationship. It seems to be a necessary process as our relationship seems to love on a level each time this happens (we have been together 8 years and it has happened 2 or 3 times). I never let him know that I feel like I have gone off him and tend to work harder myself at the relationship so things get back on an even keel pretty fast and I fancy him even more now than I did when we first met and love him a million times more I have no idea if he has been through the same thing and I would not want to know if he felt differently about me for a while as long as he got over it in the end!

Dumbledoresgirl · 14/04/2010 14:39

Yes, going through one such phase at the moment having had a monumental falling out at the weekend, on a scale that would have half of MN screaming at me to leave him if I told all the details. We haven't spoken since and each day he comes home from work, I wish he would go away again.

But I will get over it (he will too I guess). Mostly, I feel we rub along together fairly compatibly. The huge desire (in me for him) has definitely gone, but the phase of not being able to stand him is just that, a phase which comes occasionally but is mostly not there.

RomillyJane · 14/04/2010 15:30

yes definitely. but it passes

LoveJules3 · 14/04/2010 17:34

Oh god yes. normally passes fairly quickly though! I know it's not just us too, cos my friend asked me once if it was normal for married couples to bicker a lot.

Hate hate hate him breathing near me when i'm pg tho. Must like him at some point or we wouldn't have 3 DCs!

HappyWoman · 14/04/2010 18:43

yes every month - its called PMT - and it gets worse as you get older.

schroeder · 14/04/2010 19:01

Oh God the snoring, the tea slurping and the sky sports news. I still love him,but he gets on my tits!

PrettyFeckinVacant · 14/04/2010 19:30

Only for the last 3 years - can't see it ending soon either

maryjane71 · 14/04/2010 23:06

I agree with HappyWoman, it is PMT and it does get more severe the older you get. I'm dreading a week on Friday! I couldn't possibly be more vile than I was last month!

laurasarah · 15/04/2010 12:38

Agree with HappyWoman and maryjane71.

I am completely shocking at that time and have just had it so thank god.

I agree with everyone on here. Marriage is a real love/hate thing IYKWIM. Love him dearly but he drives me insane bless him.

lol excellent thread.

AstronomyDomine · 15/04/2010 12:48

I'm with Swanky I'm afraid, no problems at all with DP, sorry
BUT very normal in my previous relationship - in fact I've no idea why I stayed with him after DS was born!! Total wanker who I couldn't stand ... still feel that way actually

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread