Is anyone up to just talk for a mo?

[Unlikelyamazonian]

Feeling a bit bad. not sure why. doesn't matter Is anybody up?

I'm up. I'm in the US so it's still early here. What's bothering you, do you know? Sometimes I feel bad for no reason and the realize I'm having an anxiety attack. Once I identify it I feel much more at ease. Do you think it may be something like that?

I'm here - dh is away on business trip, struggle to sleep without him.

my back story is a bit appalling. sometimes I just want to wail. I am tired. I have bad dreams when I do sleep. sad my marriage ended but it was 2 years ago. somwe nights it's just too hard

where are you ninah? its been such a lovely sunny day. makes the stabbing pain of it all a bit stabbier

I am in Cape Town - are you in physical pain?

physical emotional pain. that's all. it's coming up to the 2 year mark when my husband ran away and it's painful. Somehow made more painful by the fact that it was a lovely sunny day and ds is so bloody fatherless. feel a failure for not finding him a new dad. But I know that is rubbish.

I know the feeling - sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful - your pain is still very fresh - how old is your ds?

Oh pet, are you ok? You sound very blue - I don't blame you, it was such a hard time you went through.

Please don't worry about your DS - he's got such a lovely mummy that he'll be fine

finding your DS a new dad - not something that needs to be done in a hurry, if at all.

I seem to remember that your family were a bit crap - is that still the case? No useful role models there? What about friends?

very tearful. not sure why. friend today said 'it's 2 years since it started not since it finished which is helpful but still very upset. Think I should be well over it all by now.

I don't blame you for feeling so badly But I wish you wouldn't feel a failure. You can't control the actions of another person, you can only control your own. I hope despite it all you enjoyed the sun with your ds. He's got you, and that counts for a hell of a lot!

im 17 years down the line and still single. still miss the happy times we had when we were together and it gets me down too when the weather is nice, as you think about more romantic things...like going for walks,holding hands and silly things like that.....im still waiting for my knight in shining armour, but i reckon he has ridden off into the sunset

2 years is not a long time to get over what happened to you, honestly! And anniversaries are still a bastard to deal with.

Your DS is looking absolutely scrupmtious, btw - glad I'm not the only one who leaves haircuts until they're practically inhaling their own hair-ends!

Do you want cheering up or do you just fancy a bit of wallowing-in-company?

thanks supersal. Yes family still crap. Not in contact. If I met me I would run for the hills as I am Mrs Red Flags with bells on.

I have such terrible nightmares still thumb. I don't know how to get rid of them.

how are the funds at the mo? If you have any spare, I have a few suggestions that will help take the nightmares away and take the pain out of the memories

Hello, UA I'm just about to go back to bed - but wanted to send you a big soppy hug! I'd send you my furry hot water bottle, too, only the cover needs a wash I hug it in bed (don't tell anybody.)

Try and take a minute to feel the sunshine warming your skin tomorrow. We don't often get that in April!
xxx

wallowing in company i think. Everyone is in bed here and I darent go to bed as the dreams last night were so bloody awful I can't do it all over again.

I wish he would come home

I wish it had never happened

I got divorced in a vacuum

I wish he wasnt having such a fun life over there

I love ds so much I am so lucky but it's like I am being punished over and over

Saying good night now UA - got a chair imprint on my bottom from being on here too long - I see that you are in good company now - hope things will look up soon for you.

thankyou Ninah. sleep well. x

oh goodness, yes I remember those. They lasted until I met someone else and realised that actually the bastard had treated me so much worse than I deserved and I really did deserve someone to treat me well!

Do you KNOW he is having a fun life? Has he contacted you at all? You can always hope he's contracted some hideous STD that has made his bits shrivel, go green and drop off...

The good bits of your marriage are smoke and mirrors now - ruined by the reality of the man.

(That's helping the wallowing, not cheering you up.)

and thanks grace x

Are you having trouble sleeping in the first place? What about seeing the GP and asking for some sleeping pills just for a bit - mind you, I don't know whether or not you still dream on sleeping pills, so it might not help.

Hi UA......i know how you feel.....the pain never seems to go......i wish we had never split up. My ex promised to come back many times and even set dates. My youngest Ds longed for the day he was coming home and then cried all night when he hadnt got the guts to tell his girlfriend he was coming back. He used to kove the goal posts all the time or come up with excuses like...its her birthday next week, or its too near xmas ,or her mums ill....it was never the right time. I love bothe my DS's to bits but i have sadly missed the word daddy in the house from when they were little. I had a crap childhood and adulthood doesnt seem much better.
Im like you...i hate going to sleep...in fact i find it hard to sleep in bed and im sick of going to bed alone...without someone to cuddle me.

Do you feel the same?

No contact, no. I texted his mobile and asked if he would agree to me changing ds's surname to mine by court order. Not a word back. I added in text that if he didn't text back I would go ahead and that he could just be in touch with my sol if that would be better. Nothing. Tumbleweed.

He is on internet channels talking about his 'awesome' scuba diving trip in pang ping tong wong nong or whatever the thai place is.

Thumb, I know he is a wanker, I know he is a first class shit. I know his behaviour was abusive and callous. I know he is welcome to his crapulous life in bangland. I know i am better off without him. I know he did me a favour by running away.

But sometimes none of that helps. Because it's like being married to a living breathing ghost who has none of the angst and responsibility. I wish he would actually be dead. Then I wouldn't have to worry.