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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

really quick YES OR NO please?

60 replies

stickyj · 09/04/2010 17:08

DH talks for hours at night to a lady on weird radio show. Thought she was just strange like him. Read his stuff last night, they're talking about my marriage, her realtionships, sexual innuendo etc etc . She wants to "look into his eys"

YES/NO?

Acceptable or harmless flirting?

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 17:27

OK, he might think he's just humouring her or some such. Problem is, with this kind of conversation he's sharing details - that "take away" from your relationship, building an inappropriate level of intimacy with her. Normally, you'd only have those conversations with a third party when your realtionship was in deep trouble. (Or when you're starting an affair!)

The chances are pretty high that she sees their friendship as an emotional affair. It could lead to all kinds of trouble. If he doesn't believe you - men can be unbelievably dozy about emotional matters - have a look at "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Good luck!

Original poster
stickyj · 09/04/2010 17:28

He's been in a band for 25 years, and they are all a bit strande. Like strange music etc. Have to go, he's back

OP posts:
sowhathappensnow · 09/04/2010 18:07

Not Ok. Sharing intimate stuff like this is how my H's affair started.

cheerfulvicky · 09/04/2010 18:08

No. NO NO NO! Not a good sign.

GeekOfTheWeek · 09/04/2010 18:13

No. Not okay.

RunawayWife · 09/04/2010 18:16

Not acceptable in the least

LeQueen · 09/04/2010 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 · 09/04/2010 18:19

No i'd kill him

Kiwinyc · 09/04/2010 18:37

NO.

overmydeadbody · 09/04/2010 18:45

NO, what you have described is unacceptable really.

But also, you are being unreasonable to be cross with him for not phoning you to see where you where when you where out all day, if you make assumptions about how other people should act you will always feel let down.

pixierara · 09/04/2010 18:52

You have to ask him why he is spending 3 hours talking to a stranger rather than you...

(Disclaimer I spend most nights talking to strangers on MN but that's because DH works very late, if he is around then laptop is most definately off)

NomDePlume · 09/04/2010 18:54

weird.

no

CrankyTwanky · 09/04/2010 18:58

"My marriage?"...interesting turn of phrase.

However not ok.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 09/04/2010 19:14

No

Majestic · 09/04/2010 19:41

BIG NO - WTF isn't he spending hours talking to YOU?!

dearprudence · 09/04/2010 19:48

No, it's not OK.

RedBlueRed · 09/04/2010 22:03

If he is not communicating with you properly then absolutely, categorically NO. imho

kalo12 · 09/04/2010 22:04

not acceptable at all.

startagain · 09/04/2010 22:05

just strange

simpson · 09/04/2010 22:38

definatly not ok

Sorry though

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/04/2010 22:49

stickyj - if this is the same DH who was being violent to your children when you hadn't had sex with him for a while, then I think you have more problems that who he is talking to online/radio etc.

biglips · 09/04/2010 22:52

no

LaraLaffs · 09/04/2010 22:54

no!

chrissiejames · 09/04/2010 23:16

no no no

ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 23:21

Whoa! Alibaba, really??!

Coupled with the "my marriage" turn of phrase and the repetitive remarks that "he's in a band" and "he's strange" ... I'm now thinking OP resides in a darkly parallel dimension where no light of reason may penetrate. Very sad to hear there are children involved.