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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ok ladies!!

59 replies

thesunshinesbrightly · 07/04/2010 09:58

Quick Question - Do we follow our head's or our heart's??

OP posts:
Kathyjelly · 07/04/2010 16:20

Or even "stick to it"

LoveMyGirls · 07/04/2010 16:45

I was in an abusive relationship, I think it's very hard to move on and have a good relationship after going through such an awful situation, I can relate to you not trusting your own judgement, I found it hard to make decisions because I hadn't been allowed to for such a long time.

Have you considered being friends with him whilst having counselling?

When I got together with my DH, he had been cheated on and I had just come out of an abusive relationship, we found we argued quite a bit after the initial 6 months/ properly moving in together but we knew it was our experiences that were colouring our views so we went for counselling, it was so helpful, we worked out how to move on and we are very strong, we have been together for 8 years now and recently got married, we have the odd row now and again but over all we get on really well, work well as a team, love and respect each other and are happy.

Don't stop doing things you want to do/ have always done just because he will sulk/ take issue if you do and don't walk on egg shells because when you start to do that you are allowing his behaviour and its a slippy slope and getting out is very hard as I'm sure you know, so before you go for it I would be very cautious.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2010 16:54

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mrsboogie · 07/04/2010 17:01

Gut instinct every time!

you already know the answer or you wouldn't be on here asking the question OP - you just don't like the answer and are hoping for a different one.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2010 17:22

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overmydeadbody · 07/04/2010 18:27

thesunshinesbrightly I agree completely with Lulu, and you are in denial if you think we are wrong and you are overthinking things.

Your gut instinct is right. You would be very stupid indeed to stay with this man.

The arguments will get more and more frequent, he will assert more and more control over who you go out with, he'll make sure he limits what contact you have with other men.

So what if he was cheated on? That doesn't justify his behaviour.

You can think about it as much as you like, but the bottom line is if you stay you will have a miserable relationship.

overmydeadbody · 07/04/2010 18:33

How can almost everything cause an argument with a guy you've only been dating a few months?

overmydeadbody · 07/04/2010 18:34

and why do you want to persevere with someone when almost everything causes an argument? Do you have that little self-respect?

thesunshinesbrightly · 07/04/2010 22:50

I don't think any of you are wrong as such, and i do thank you for your advice but really it isnt as bad as this.

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