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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For those of us not getting any

52 replies

needabonk · 06/04/2010 14:33

Name changed having just read the 'what do you do with the mess after sex' thread and ARRRRRGGHHHH I am soooo jealous!

I want sweaty, slidy sex!

I want the 'bother' of what to do with the goo. Panty pad? Fuck that, I'd happily swap my boring clean sheets for sleeping in the stickiness and feeling like I'd been thoroughly ravaged.

God I need a good bonk. And I know who I want it with too, (not DH, absolutely nothing going on there) but that's a whole other thread...

Trouble is, I am like a dog on heat. Any male with a pulse I'm seeing as potential shag material. I've tried sweaty workouts at the gym. I've tried fun on my own and I know I need a vibrator but what the fuck else can I do to calm my hormones down? And don't suggest sex with DH. I just do NOT want to.

Gagging for it and deeply jealous of you lot on that other thread!

OP posts:
RubyPink · 06/04/2010 15:39

toya are ok but just not the same as the real thing... take a lover who will put a smile on your face!

Slartybartfast · 06/04/2010 15:40

op would your dh mind if you took a lover?

farmerjones · 06/04/2010 15:41

try this pretty good imo

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 06/04/2010 15:43

Yes, those of you who are recommending the OP takes a lover, would you advise her to tell her H that's what she's doing....or to do it and deceive him?

OrmRenewed · 06/04/2010 15:45

slidy sex? Isn't sex in the toddler playground a little frowned upon

Whatabout swingy sex or spinny sex.

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 06/04/2010 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ineedabodytransplant · 06/04/2010 15:58

Mal,

Sorry I honestly didn't realise I keep writing about my drought, but looking back perhaps I do...perhaps I should just stop whinging and shut up?

I have tried to write a thread about my (I say my but it involves both of us of course) whole situation but can't get the damn thing right. I write it, preview and then just delete it as it sounds pathetic, one day maybe

We have discussed sex, or rather the lack of, she just isn't interested. I have told her exactly how I feel, and she can look me in the eye and say..tough

fortyplus · 07/04/2010 00:03

needabonk - sorry - been away from pc most of the day. I suppose your age isn't really relevant other than to ask what you want to do with the rest of your life? I suppose sex isn't everything but it does seem a shame not to be getting any when you want it. I wonder what the balance is between the sexes on this? The stereotype is the frustrated man and the wife not wanting sex.

Maybe there should be a special internet dating service for couples who want to stay together but where one doesn't want sex and the other does so they could match up with an 'opposite' pair!

Joking apart... If you really can't leave your marriage for whatever reason the who is this person you would do it with? Are they married? If so then just don't go there, obviously. But maybe there's another way? Is there such a thing as no-strings-attached sex? If so you need to find it!

Eurostar · 07/04/2010 01:12

"Maybe there should be a special internet dating service for couples who want to stay together but where one doesn't want sex and the other does so they could match up with an 'opposite' pair!"

Fortyplus, you're late to the party with that idea...there are several out there, some have been in National Papers.

ItsGraceAgain · 07/04/2010 01:41

I'm not either, OP, but felt I don't fit in here as I'm not in a relationship. I do remember what that's like, though - horrid. Being lonely and/or sexless, with someone beside you, is a million times worse than being both while single.

Mostly, I'm too busy with my ishoos to have any emotional space for a sex drive ... which is just as well, as there's nobody round here I'd want to do it with! Almost 4 years since my last shag - blimey, that long??! Tragic, it was: I'd fancied the guy for ages; we had a "connection", he drove down for the weekend. It wasn't a success.

Since then I've moved to a Very Small Town in the least populated county of England - the few available men seem to be ugly, misogynist drunks!! Trust me, I'll let you know if things pick up

Your OP made me laugh. That was also my first thought when I read the "mess" thread! Sticky stuff? Bring it on

livinginadreamworld · 07/04/2010 01:54

dear lord... 8 years.... I feel feckin awful after 5 !

There are no men here.... i dream of messy sticky experiences to deal with.... i would welcome the issue!! And what makes it worse?.... no orgasms....EVER! Im sure i must be missing something important...

So I say again... sod streesing over the mess... BRING IT ON!!!

PS: who knows where to order a vibrator which wont come with labels all over it saying what it is???? Cant be doing with that convo with the relatives!

ItsGraceAgain · 07/04/2010 02:10

They nearly all come in plain packaging If you buy yours from Amazon, you can pretend it's a book!

No orgasms??! Cripes, Missus
Suggest you make friends with your hand ...

ItsGraceAgain · 07/04/2010 02:14

There are advantages to not having a sex life. I'm conducting a one-woman experiment to see how long leg hairs can grow ...

... and thinking of branching out further. Into chin hairs

providentielle · 07/04/2010 02:14

FAO livinginadreamworld

lovehoney is your saviour!

livinginadreamworld · 07/04/2010 02:27

I have tried making friends with my hand... gets me nowhere .... Im going to be one of those women who never climaxes aren't I?!!??

SolidGoldBrass · 07/04/2010 11:01

Ineed: If your partner's attitude to the lack of sex is 'tough' then you are no longer obliged to remain in an exclusive relationship with that person. It would be more ethical to say 'As you don't want sex I am going to look for it elsewhere' but the relationship may well be doomed anyway if the sex-refusing partner is this selfish. Because it IS selfish to expect a partner to give up on his/her libido just because YOU don't want sex.

partytime · 07/04/2010 19:23

My lord, you're talking about years without a shag, I'm having trouble having done without for 6 months. I entertain myself and even managed to pick up a bloke, a friend of a friend, but when we got down to the nitty gritty I chickened out, even though I fancied him lots. I'm a grown woman, knew what I wanted and what he wanted too, but behaved like a timid, unsure teenager ( not that I was one, I was soooo confident with boys). I seem to have lost my va-va-voom where men are concerned, lack of confidence, low self esteem, plus I'm mid-40's, so am I just past it!!

fortyplus · 07/04/2010 20:17

Eurostar - well I live and learn with MN!

BaggyAgy · 08/04/2010 16:38

Grace, leg hairs, chin hairs, I think I love you, well your sense of humour anyway.

ItsGraceAgain · 08/04/2010 16:43

Thank you, Aggy! I love you too

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 08/04/2010 17:36

only skimmed the thread. excuse me if said already. maybe op isn't getting sex because her dh is ill??.. surely it wouldn't be suggested she leave him if that were the case?

Original poster
needabonk · 08/04/2010 18:14

Sorry for not posting before, been offline (not a euphanism). No dh is not ill, if you don't count turning into a slob and looking more and more like a tramp. What a turn on. Obviously much more to it than that before I get flamed. My shag fantasy? He is single and we fancy the pants off each other. But I'm not about to have an affair and will end marriage if necessary, just trying to give it time. For now I am my own source of fun iykwim (smile)

OP posts:
ineedabodytransplant · 13/04/2010 20:18

Bit bored so thought I would bump a dead thread...

when I got married I asked my wife how she wanted sex. She said infrequently. I thought that was two words, apparently she only thought it was one word...she won

cantstopthinkingaboutsex · 14/04/2010 11:08

Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. It's been 3 years for me. OH isn't in the slightest bit bothered and would probably happily live like this for ever. I'm 40 and can't imagine that this is all life has in store 'til death us do part.

ineed what keeps you in your marriage? I really couldn't do another 5 years. Am going to try and persuade OH to go to relate with me but think we may be too far gone for that. Or we are just totally mismatched

ineedabodytransplant · 14/04/2010 12:18

cantstop,

I really don't know what keeps me in my marriage except my vows. Sounds droll I know, and now and then I think I should just up and off. Then I think the mortgage has two years to go, and we still have an endowment running which will pay out £35k so if we split that and sell the house we should be both be able to go our seperate ways.

You are still young (I am 52!!) so please, if you want to try and save your marriage/relationship then get him to relate. I don't know if you could go on your own first? I couldn't get my OH to see if it was possible to kickstart our relationship, and why she felt the need to "go off me"

I very much doubt another woman will be part of my future so I am spending a lot of my time on my own contemplating my navel..

Going to stop drivelling before Mal comes along to tell me off again..