Fairly Urgent!!!! What legal Docs or important things should she take???

[slipperychick]

Hello, I'm a regular and I've namechanged.

I need advice for my friend. I don't want to give too much info out even tho I've namechanged because her DH knows about this place, possibly her username, possibly mine.

I've just typed out an op and deleted it because I can't explain why without giving out too much info!

Bottom line. If you had to leave the marital home for yours and your childrens safety and were unlikely to get back into the house again any time soon what should you take?

Marriage cert?
Passports?
Birth certs?

Would you take the laptop and back up.

I desperatly need a definative list for my friend.

What else???

Any advice appreciated!

bank statements. financial stuff.
child health records.

Marriage Cert
Birth certs
Passports
Medical Cards
Laptop
Photos(Albums)
Spare Mobile(s)
All medicines for kids

Depends on how long she'd expect to be gone for. Hope she and her dc's are ok.

Identification
Birth Certificates (for you and your children)
School and Medical records, including the telephone number of the school and your GP or surgery
Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit cards
Keys - to house, car, office
Driving Licence and car registration documents
Prescribed medication
Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you?re entitled to.
Passports, visas and work permit
Mortgage details or lease and rental agreements
Current unpaid bills
Insurance documents
Address book
Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value
Your children's favourite items of clothing and small toys
Toiletries and clothes for you and your children
Spare cash/cash card/money to travel
Mobile phone

It would also be good to make a list of useful telephone numbers and keep this on you at all times e.g. local police, local domestic violence service, National Domestic Violence Helpline, trusted friends and family.

this list is from women's aid website, suggesting what you should take if you need to leave suddenly. maybe your friend should give them a call.
www.womensaid.org.uk/

Thanks for the replies. What about things like tax credits stuff, would she need to take it?

Yes I would, council tax info etc just as much as she can to prove her identity and where she has been residing.

ah! stripeywoolenhat, Thankyou! I have suggested that she contact womens aid, I think that this has happened so suddenly she is completely in shock. She can't think straight, shes holding it together amazingly for the kids, but I don't know how much longer she can keep it up iykwim?

I need to give her this list tomorrow so that she can get it all together.

Thank you so much everyone.

I think taking as much paperwork as possible - the government stuff probably the least important as they'll have all the records.

Birth certificates and passports prob the most important, then bank details - even if she can just get account numbers for things that will help.

Could she take things round to your house in advance (stuff her partner wouldn't notice has gone, like spare sets of clothes) so that she has less to take with her.

If she has photos on a computer, but can't take it with her, then if she buys an external hard drive she'll be able to get all her photos and stuff on it and take that with her. Will take 15 minutes or so to copy it all over, and is tiny to carry

CMOT, yes I was thinking that bringing the stuff to my house would be a good option as he has no idea where I live. I'm wondering whether it would be a good idea to take a suitcase round with the list.

Perhaps 2 or 3 suitcases?

hmm, you have a point! I think an expanding file or 2 might be a good idea too. She already has an external hard drive, so I'm adding it on the list.

Horrible to have to consider it, but what should she do about funds?

They have a joint account and their own personal accounts too.

Is it fairplay for her to transfer funds from the joint acc? I just have visions of him reporting her card stolen or something so that she can't get access to money.

Yes I would transfer the funds or better still withdraw as much cash as possible.

She should also delete the browsing history on the pc and all cookies and change the passwords to any online bank accounts/email/facebook accounts etc that he knows. And sign out of them!!

Remember that changing passwords often results in a confirmation email so she might want to set up a temporary yahoo email address first for those to go to and change contact details before she changes passwords. Maybe you could do that for her so there is zero trace of it on her pc?

Hiya, stupid question, but if I take my laptop to her house I can go online through her internet connection to do it, would that be traceable by her dp? he's very good with computers...

Yes and make sure she informs the bank that she has left on the same day - they will freeze the funds, as otherwise he could go and rack up a huge debt on that account and she would be liable for half of it.

If you take your laptop and use her internet that would be fine, and not traceable by him as long as you don't do it when he is there.

I wouldn't have thought so but if they've got a wireless router/modem he may well have set up a password which your friend might not know. If he is computer savvy then there will be a password.

You can set up an email address for her now through yahoo and change all the email address contact details and passwords remotely from your house if she gives you the log in details. He wouldn't be able to trace that. Yahoo does ask you for an alternate email address when setting up a new one but this is optional. Leave it blank.

It's very easy to delete browsing history and cookies through internet options. That has to be done on the actual pc.

Just take the CPU unit and wireless box thingy with you when she leaves, far easier.

Bertie makes an excellent point. She must let them know that they have separated. What is the overdraft limit on the account as she will be jointly liable should he run up a large debt?

I assume he is going to have to pay bills out of the account but she could call them and ask for the overdraft limit to be immediately reduced and explain why.

If she works then she needs to set up her own account asap for any wages to go in to that.

Ok, We can manage all that - no choice really! Is there anything else anyone can think of that would be a good idea, anything to take? people to contact? or things to do?

I know I haven't given much info, but I daren't really.

Thanks everso much everybody. Where else could I have got this info and advice ? Thankyou!

Do they have any joint credit cards or anything like that, they need to be iformed too.

I think all the important stuff has been listed but basically she should take anything that she thinks she will either need or want.

Sentimental stuff is important. I have read a few very sad threads on here where exes have destroyed or refused to hand over baby pics or family photos, baby clothes, first shoes or the like.

Maybe forget suitcases and just take a big roll of bin liners so she can stuff in as much as is possible. There may not be a second chance.

I wish her good luck and she is very fortunate to have a friend like you.

If the kids are staying at their school or nursery she needs to talk to the head or manager about what happens if he turns up for the children. I don't exactly know how that works as of course he has parental rights too but she needs to put something in place to ensure they remain safe. Womens Aid will know the answer to that one.

The school can't stop someone with PR collecting children but often they are sympathetic and employ delaying tactics whilst they phone the "resident" parent.

CG - that's what I thought. Horrible positon

OP, you're such a great friend! It's good to know there are kind people like you out there. Wish her well from us. I hope everything goes smoothly. x

whose name is the car registered in? worth checking before your friend drives off in it as has been known for ex to report as stolen if its in his name