Fairly Urgent!!!! What legal Docs or important things should she take???

[slipperychick]

Hello, I'm a regular and I've namechanged.

I need advice for my friend. I don't want to give too much info out even tho I've namechanged because her DH knows about this place, possibly her username, possibly mine.

I've just typed out an op and deleted it because I can't explain why without giving out too much info!

Bottom line. If you had to leave the marital home for yours and your childrens safety and were unlikely to get back into the house again any time soon what should you take?

Marriage cert?
Passports?
Birth certs?

Would you take the laptop and back up.

I desperatly need a definative list for my friend.

What else???

Any advice appreciated!

Get a record of her ex's NI number and work details if possible (a copy of one of the payslips would be ideal) - it can make life a bit easier with the CSA.

If she is worried about his reaction to her leaving, it would be worth speaking to the DV Unit at her local police station.

If necessary, they can be present while she collects her belongings.

If her DH runs his own business, if she can make copies of the accounts it can prove his income in the instance that he lies about it when maintenance is being decided.

OMG! Northernlurker Thankyou! I hadn't considered that possibility, I should have too! CG, Thats frightening!

WW, TBH I am feeling like a very crap friend right now, I can only do so much because of my dc's needs, its complicated. I would dearly love to go round there right now and pack up her stuff with her while her dc are asleep, but I can't.

On the upside this many dc's means I have a large car and lots of storage space, I can also squeeze her in here in an emergency, which I will put to her tomorrow.

Slipperychick - a namechanger asked for details of life in a refuge last week. Is this your friend?

The lady didnt come back and I've been wondering if she's okay.

On the WA website there are details of how to cover your tracks online - might be useful for her/you to read if you're worried he knows her passwords/usernames.

sb6699, sorry no, not to my knowledge. I don't know that she's been on here lately. I'm on here every day under my usual name. I'm so glad that I knew of this places existance. A few years ago before I found mumsnet I wouldn't of had a clue to be worried let alone where to find the answers!

Thanks anyway, the lady just posted and ran saying she would try to get back later in the week but hasnt so has been playing on my mind.

Meant to add that if they have shares/premium bonds or any other savings she should copy these as well - its amazing how savings suddenly disappear when maintenance is being decided.

Might also be worth knowing that most solicitors give a free 1/2 hour consultation.

I would really recommend that your friend sees one asap.

Wishing slipperychicks friend all the best xx

Thanks everbody, I've copy and pasted all the stuff to collect and important advice onto a word doc so I can print it for the morning.

I'm going to text her before she does the school run regarding him collecting the dc's so that she can speak to the head. I know she has an appt booked with a solicitor and citizens advice, but I also know that once he realises she has seen a solicitor, then she will be in trouble, hence getting all this stuff done now!

Thankyou everyone.

No no slipperychick. You ARE a good friend, you can only do what you can do and you are clearly doing your very best and looking out for your friend. Don't feel guilty because your circumstances won't permit you to do more.

I have no doubt your friend is grateful for all the help you are giving her under very difficult circumstances. Many people would just walk away and not want to get involved.

If you or she needs any further advice please just ask. If we can help we will.

id take a spare key to the marital home as well as everything else mentioned. just in case she needs to go back(with police escort) to collect something she has forgot.

Thankyou. I'm going to bed now. but I'll check in tommorrow in case anyone thinks of anything else and I'll try to give an update of sorts. Thanks again.

The other things that would help are getting a PAYG mobile phone for her so that she has a number that he doesn't know, and that she can call people on without him knowing, and letting her put your address on things like the solicitors paperwork so that there is no chance of a letter coming to the house from them.

Womens Aid would be able to give her detailed information about steps to take to protect her and the children, as well as practical help in getting out

The post office will forward her mail to your address, can be set up on line.

when i left my ex i had a week to sort everything out, i-
opened another bank account & shut my current one making sure that the new documents were sent to a different address, maybe she could get them sent to yours.
withdrew nearly all the money i could get my hands on.
started taking bits of paperwork which would'nt be noticed, things with tax credit number on etc..
the day after i left i contacted tax credits, job centre-made appointment, council-if she needs housing help, my morgage company.
if she needs to contact the police & they can put a thing on her new addy so if he turns up & she calls the police then they will come quick.
if domestic violence then womans aid as they will help her sort out what she needs.
tell her to take everything possible because i regret not taking so much. good luck to her