to grow old alone?

[ancientbutstillgorgeous]

After a lifetime of unfulfilling and/or drama-filled relationships
I find myself single in my early 50s. I have a teenage daughter, good friends and family, lots of interests and am financially independent.

After my last relationship ended badly a few months ago I decided to stop looking for love; I told myself it was time to fully embrace being single and I'm pleased to say that for the first time in my life I have discovered a deep sense of peace and contentment. I can actually see myself growing old alone. Anyone feel the same?

I can see that working PMGP, and if I met a truly exceptional man for a weekend-only thang, it could be quite nice. But unless he falls out of the sky, I ain't going looking for him...

And UA, we can always take your little one (who looks adorable), with us.

another one here who can't see myself in a conventional couple relationship again.

I really relish the ability to make own decisions plus after 15 years with an EA/Asp/NPD h which severely tested my sanity I am very wary of that happening again.

I love this thread, have been thinking about this kind of thing for a while.

I am 39, been married twice, currently in the process of my second divorce and had two other live in relationships.

I have two gorgeous children, who I never expected to have, I had given up on relationships at 30, met soon to be exH2 and had my kids. He is an abusive, selfish man but he helped me to have our dc so I will always be grateful to him.

When I am not in a relationship I feel "light" iykwim? Even at nearly 40 I feel that there are possibilities for me in life that I have not been aware of for 8 years. I feel as though everything I have every really wanted to do has been thwarted both by the men I have been with and also my own lack of emotional intelligence when in a relationship.

When I am single I have moments of pure happiness, not all the time, not even every day but when I am emotionally exhausted by dealing with a selfish man every day I NEVER feel happy.

I am studying for a degree with the OU now. I don't know what the future will be for me financially or workwise as I have a child with SN but I do know that everything is more bearable when I am single and able to make my own choices and decisions instead of pushing against the immovable force that is a selfish man.

UA My DS is 12yo (nearly 13) and my DD is nearly 2.5yo. So, another 16 years for me until I can do the Tuscany road trip. If I took them with me, you'd be watching the Lemon Zest & Lemon Pip show. They're both entertainers show offs and love an audience, but they're both very amusing!

Ancient Coo, I'd be up for that road trip! I also love Greece.

Coming into this discussion a bit late. Been single for years and can only imagine this changing when DC has fled the nest. I wouldn't put anyone before a child and ime men I have men who wanted to be serious have been too demanding.

I can decorate, do minor plumbing, even tiled my kitchen floor. Funnily enough I am useless with an electric drill and hate changing light bulbs as I never know if they are off or on.

Also travelled to many places just me and DC.

As I have been single for so long I would like to grow old with someone. I hope I can be adaptable enough when I have a grown up child.

Looks like we might have to do Tuscany sooner rather than later!

Steelfairy, you have so accurately described how I felt in my relationships that it's uncanny. I too feel relatively unburdened now and don't have that deadening feeling inside me. Have even thought about doing an OU course - the possibilities seem endless.

the light bulb thing isn't because I need a man to do it sgb
it's just that when you are a lone p and have to do EVERYTHING it's one of my less favourite jobs - in a shared household whether that be with p or in a commune I'd def trade it for something else
yes you can ask friends to do jobs, but you can't keep asking and when they say yes of course the job tends to still be waiting six months on
everyone is busy themselves
so I pay people (not with sex btw)
sadly the call out charge for light bulbs alone would be prohibitive
diy i have caused only damage, sent my entire kitchen live by putting a nail through a cable, so never again
i pay people
it isn't easy to get them out for odds and ends though
live in 30s house, have redecorated everything I can safely reach, pulled out old kitchen, hauled concrete slabs out of garden loads and loads of unskilled stuff myself
but those fecking bulbs I hate them

I am planning to retrain as a teacher, I never though of working with children but I work in a school now and love it

When I was really low I sent off for some free business cards and to distract myself set up a low key business involving my major hobby/passion in life. To my surprise it has attracted some customers even though I haven't advertised or put any effort in. Plan B involves giving up the day job and putting some real effort into that area. But it would mean a total change in lifestyle, income and everybody's expectations of me. Nice to daydream though...

UA You asked which part of Greece - it's a tour actually taking in the main sites of ancient Greece - Delphi, Corinth, Athens, Olympia, Epidaurus (I love Greek theatres) etc, plus 4 days on the coast at Tolo to visit the islands: Hydra, Spetses etc.

With no bloke in tow - great!

As this thread now seems to encompass travel and DIY her are my DIY credentials:

Fitted coving in living room and dining room - including internal and external mitres (that looks a lot better than next door's which was done by a professional)

have laid 2 patios - graduating the slope so that both drained correctly - away from the house

have tiled kitchen and bathroom

have laid laminate wood flooring

Have laid bedroom carpets in kids rooms - inc fitting the Grippa rod

Converted loft hatch into hinged door and fitted loft ladder

Changed locks

Put up curtain tracks

Fitted skirting boards

Designed and project managed the building of an extension to my house

Laid lawns (twice) and fitted trellis fencing

Hired Kangol hammer to break up and skip a 5 " thick concrete driveway and hardstanding - which I turned into garden.

Who needs a bloke when you've got a Black and Decker?

And I wouldn't jeopardise losing my home and freedom by hitching my wagon to anyone else's ever again.

Did you start off with the attitude of 'I don't need a bloody man, I'll do it myself!!!' like I did? it was the rage that got me going with it all...

I'm glad to give it all a go...

I have also done loads over the years including wall papering the hall stairs and landing(very long/high drop), and all other rooms.
Put up curtain poles, assembled and moved several times a set of fitted wardrobes. Turned my Ds's bedroom into a circus themed room with fabric everywhere and fairy lights on the cieling above the fabric Big Top.
Put up wooden Venetian blinds(not for the feint hearted for the sheer weight!)
The list goes on, but I've buried most of it in my previous house along with the bad(man)memories!

Make most of my own curtains too.

I am though, not very good at gloss painting!

Nice to meet a follow DIY-er Solo

I suppose I was angry when we first divorced that but I'd always been very independant anyway before I married.

And isn't the best bit about it the fact that you can choose any colour you like - no weird male colour choices to accommodate - all our own decisions - Brilliant!

"I really relish the ability to make own decisions plus after 15 years with an EA/Asp/NPD h which severely tested my sanity I am very wary of that happening again."

Sincitylover - I spent twice as long as that with mine through ignorance of his condition(s), perhaps that's why I can't bear the thought of another partner. I try not to think about it too much, I just enjoy the freedom, hoping one day I'll have peace of mind.

I must say passmyglass, that sounds very civilised and just about the only way I could imagine having a relationship in the future.

Well I have a long-standing arrangement with an internet mate of mine who is single. When I'm free of children and husbands we will have a little flat full of cats so that we can hide bottles in the litter trays from well-meaning social workers and distant relatives.

I'm only joking, but said friend knows someone who has parents a bit like this. Apparently she went to see them at 8 a.m to take her Dad to a hospital appointment and the Mum was sitting in her dressing gown sipping from a glass of wine. Now what is retirement for if not that sort of thing I ask you?

I wish we were all in a pub talking about this.

I did loads of diy when younger - painting, fixing, rails, drilling etc.

But a bit like bungee jumping (loved it back then) I am too OLD and SCARED now.

I still like sickeningly fast fair rides though.

Maybe it's because if I electrocuted myself or drilled a hand off I know that DS would be up shit creek?

It's called A Sense Of Responsibility As A Mother...something my absent, feckless twunt of an ex-husband (champagne corks popping) would know feck all about.

Actually you have all inspired me to be braver. I am going to get the step ladder out and see if I can dust off that languishing bottle of Tia Maria on the top shelf.

"see if I can dust off that languishing bottle of Tia Maria"

UA* Why dust it when it can go into a perfectly civilised Black Russian???

now that's the kind of diy job I don't mind ua
and to balance it out, if we're talking 'womeny' jobs to hate here's one, stuffing a duvet into its cover
my beds always look like crime scenes

Oooh! UA, I don't do fairground rides. Ugh! I'd rather move house!

Actually, I have some serious issues to deal with here...damp in the dining room, blown plaster in several rooms, I need the house rewiring, new double glazing, loads more and these are all jobs I can't/wont tackle myself and as I'm completely bloody in debt skint, they aren't going to be done anytime soon.

never mind us ladies finding a f>>> buddy, maybe we should start a website to exchange skill sets with like minded men, ie they are sometimes better at diy than us ladies and I can definitely cook better than most men!!!!

POC - plenty of cooks

or matchesandhammers.com

any takers?

Passmyglass .... OK where do I sign up? That would be a brilliant idea (although I initially read "cocks" for "cooks")!!!

I read it as 'Cocks' too. Until I read the next post.

yes I did wonder how many of you would do that

What an idea pmgp!