to grow old alone?

[ancientbutstillgorgeous]

After a lifetime of unfulfilling and/or drama-filled relationships
I find myself single in my early 50s. I have a teenage daughter, good friends and family, lots of interests and am financially independent.

After my last relationship ended badly a few months ago I decided to stop looking for love; I told myself it was time to fully embrace being single and I'm pleased to say that for the first time in my life I have discovered a deep sense of peace and contentment. I can actually see myself growing old alone. Anyone feel the same?

I like reading the threads about happy relationships though. You know - the ones about good marriages and kind husbands.

They just don't make me think that I am missing out on anything.

solo I take my bins out gladly. It doesn't make me proud. It's just a bloody annoyance to do it every week, knowing that he is shagging young girls in Chiang Mai and teaching at a grand university on the back of a web of deceit.

Anyway. Morocco is 27 degrees and sunny and ds is the loveliest boy ever. I have bought him three pairs of shorts and he is thrilled that he is going on a plane.

I would like a tortoise

Oh, I'm not proud really. You can't be proud if you take your own bins out can you?!

I miss a lot about a 'good' man, I've just never found one that wasn't pretending to be one iyswim?

Off to my bed me thinks!

solo I'd argue with the proposition that you can learn diy
some people (and this is not a gender thing) are best kept away from it and I am one of them
I have been more than happy in the past to have a go; I have now learned it is better - and cheaper - to pay someone
tho a very pround moment was replacing my car wing wirror with one i'd found at at a salvage yard (beats chest)
ua I try not to think about my ex and his merry carefree life of Riley
so, are you going to be like Kate Winslet in Hideous Kinky?

I feel good every time I put the rubbish out (just done it this morning as it happens). If I stop to think about it, I remember it's because XH was totally opposed to throwing anything away, and indeed when he had a job clearing flats for a housing agency he actually used to bring bin-bags full of other people's stuff to our house and pile them in the lounge. You couldn't walk across the floor for stuff piled everywhere; you couldn't even sit on a chair without a 20-minute clearing exercise. No exaggeration, I swear. There were garage tools under the dining table and bags full of empty plastic bags piled up in the kitchen. Every now and then, if I was home on rubbish collection day, I'd try to smuggle some of it out without him noticing.

So now I throw things away if I don't need them any more, and it's so liberating. I don't do tidy (too much like work) but you can walk across my lounge floor, sit on most of my chairs (or all of them at 2 minutes' notice) and prepare food in the kitchen. It's almost like how real grown-ups live.

Oh, I'm 51 btw, and I don't go on Match.com because I'm afraid that I might find somebody, and then I wouldn't know what to do with them. To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I wouldn't want to go out with anyone who was weird enough to want to go out with me.

UA -lol!!!.
Women and girls-well,me for sure,sorry to assume-need more role models like you,MAGGIE,SGB,ON and ABSG,et al.
Fab thread!!!
Really put me in a good place this morning.
UA ,I am writing out your list as an affirmation -Brilliant!
xxxxxxx

Think i need a pep talk mnetters cos the whole idea of growing old alone scares me stupid. I now have a lovely man who i have been with for 2 years and wish i had met 20 years ago. I have three children, my 9 yr old still at home and 2 grown up ones flown the nest.
I cannot bear to think of living on my own .... I guess everyone will at some time when they lose a Spouse... and know i amy well have to if my DP dies in old age. I have lived on my own and absolutely HATE it ....have spent weekends on my own,,,,which is more than enough and loathed it... The loneliness is awful. How do i deal with this ???????? Am i unusual ????? I think not but find it hard to deal with ........

I think maltesers that some people enjoy being on their own and some dont - doesn't make you unusual It is what you feel comfortable with.

I really enjoyed living on my own before H came along and I can very easily slip back into that now (obviously with dc instead though now). Just wasn't expecting it

maltesers, growing old with someone you care for is lovely and I hope you have that experience. It is far too early to worry about who may die first. You have decades to live through and children to raise, hopefully before that becomes any kind of issue.

Unfortunately it doesn't work out for everyone, and when it doesn't, being alone has things to recommend it. It is at least in part a confidence thing, as well as having your own resources such as interests and contacts. Someone doesn't have to be present in your home to keep you company; a good friend (or adult offspring) on the telephone and a cat on your knees makes for a comfortable, non-lonely evening. You only have to cook and wash up for yourself and yet you do have someone to sound off to, and someone (something) to cuddle, plus you can watch what you want to on telly, or engage in a hobby such as knitting, cat permitting, without someone sneering at you for not doing something THEY want you to do, or muttering annoying comments about current affairs, or snoring when you're trying to listen to some beautiful music... sigh there I go again.

Anyway, I hope your growing old thing with hubby is always good, that's what I meant to say.

Ninah, I know what you are saying; my exh2 was dire with all things DIY! however, no body taught me to wallpaper etc, I watched my exfil and just learned. I will say though that I do believe I have both a male and female brain! so that may explain it...

Before I met my OH, I'd had assorted unsatisfactory relationships. I bought my house, DS was 3.5yo when we moved in. I renovated it single-handed (except the kitchen and bathroom). On the whole, I was fairly happy.

I met OH in July 06 after long thinking that I would never fall in love again. We decided to get married, I got pregnant with DD, who's now 2.5yo. Unfortunately, he died while I was pregnant. I'm now nearly 47 and have decided that I will spend the rest of my life alone.

In the meantime, I have my two gorgeous DCs and I truly wouldn't be without them.

Sometimes I feel lonely and it can be a burden carrying everything and everyone on your shoulders, but I wouldn't jeopardise the peace of mind I have (although my situation is NOT one of choice). I SO don't want to meet any more twunts!

That is so Lemony...

When I went to bed last night I thought this thread was dead...how wrong I was! I love what you all say and Maggie, you're so right about the perils of meeting someone.

I don't know what it is I miss exactly, I used to have such a high sex drive but the longer I go without, the more absurd sex seems. I suppose I still want to feel attractive but Lemony, I have found that peace of mind too and I know it's here to stay.

I can't remember which philosopher it was who said that we all ended up alone but we all do - to learn not to be afraid of that inevitability is a great comfort.

This is such a great thread. I've never had good experiences with men. I'm now alone again at 50+ and don't ever intend having another partner. My kids are adults, I have a nice home, a good job and can look after myself. I just don't want or need a man. I can do DIY, I take my own bins out, if I can't do a job, I can save up till I have enough to pay someone to do it (I'm very lucky I know). Sex? I prefer DIY

And UA, have trawled the depths of the ocean on PoF - never again!

UA wrote: "Outnumbered I too have had a life full of drama and crap blokes. I went through this phase once before when I was 34 - was single and very content for four years then met another one of 'em, whom I married."

If it weren't for the facts that UA is younger than me & has a DC, that's my story too!

I like contentment

I'm a bit boggled by the idea that a woman 'needs' a man to do things like change lightbulbs and put up shelves. Most of the men I have shagged have been as useless at such things as me - a willy is not a plumbing/carpetnry/electric tool. There may be a bit of something in the theory that too many people^ are growing up with no practical skills whatsoever but in general if you can't do it yourself you either ask around your mates and see who can/wil do it for a bottle of gin, or you source and pay a professional.
(I used to say I could get anything done for a pint and a blowjob, sadly most of those who wanted to take up the option didn't have any skills I actualy needed to trade for)

I'm okay at DIY, Solid. I'll take the gin instead of a blowjob, if you don't mind.

Dumped mine when the kids were 2 and 3 and have never regretted doing so for one momment of the last 19 years as a single mum.

I simply cannot imagine having to consult another adultover everything from a day out shopping to a full-on fortnight's holiday abroad on my own.

Good luck to those that have stayed in relationships - but it's not for me.

I am quite content to grow old alone (with the cat).

I'm going to Morrocco in October - and Greece in June.

And I didn't have to consult anyone before decising to go - Bliss!

"the dogs can poo on a towel in the kitchen without him wretching at the sight,"

I was with you until I read that - what's that all about - yeeeuuuuch. Wouldn't everyone wretch?

wetaugust I think it was a ruse to make sure I picked up the poo. It has never made me wretch. Whereabouts in Greece are you going?? I love Greece and long to re-visit soon.

ExH wretched even more when he was changing a pooey nappy when ds was an exploding-bum little baby (ie before his big disappearing act to shag Thai birds.) This made me cross as ds was so sweeeeeeeeet, always smiling when he offered up his pink bottom and, in my book, a good poo was a good sign; I always made "ooo-aaah well DONE" noises. ex would turn his head away dry-wretching and moaning.

Lemony how very tragic for you. I am very sorry. You must have amazing strength. I feel as through I went through a terrible and sudden bereavement when Exh left that Friday and I never saw him again. How old are the dc now?

x

I love this thread. Thanks OP for starting it. I have been trying to retrieve my once happy marriage but it is hard work. I often long to live on my own.
In my work I visit a lot of very old ladies who are independent and cheerful. They have their house just how they want it, a circle of friends, a busy life with family in contact if not on the doorstep. I look at them and think theirs is not a bad life. Certainly better than living with someone who makes you unhappy.

Struggler, it's a pleasure and thank you all for posting I hope it works out for you in your marriage but it's good that you don't dread being on your own. I am so glad to be out of mine (my marriage that is) with a man who controlled and belittled me. At last I am me.

I often think about the elderly women I know and have known, all on their own and in the main happy as you describe. I had a maiden great-aunt, long dead now, who I always envied as a child and has always been a kind of role model. UA, I think I read your story on another thread, it's funny, one of my exes decamped to Thailand as well...

It's my day off today, I've just seen DD off to school and now I'm going to potter and do a bit of painting. Perhaps we should all stay in touch and go on a group holiday to Tuscany when the kids are off our hands and just hang out in a beautiful old villa drinking wine and soaking up the beauty of life and nature. Very Maggie Smith

ancient I would DEFINITELY do the Tuscany road-trip! Sooner rather than later though please as i have another 16 years before ds turns 18 and [fear]

I live on my own with the dcs in the week and can concentrate on them and our family time together without having to share myself with a demanding third person.

but I do have a dp who lives about an hour away from me and works nights so I only see him at weekends, but when we do see each other we spend quality time together with the dcs.

On weekends I cook and he does the bits of diy that I can't, mostly to do with drilling things!

When the dcs are at the ex's we enjoy proper couple time.

neither of us are interested in moving in together or getting married (horror of horrors!)

for my dp and myself its the perfect relationship.