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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can he throw her out?

45 replies

marantha · 27/03/2010 08:31

Right, try to keep this brief. A close friend of mine married a guy about 2 years ago, he has turned out to be a bit of an a* .
Every time they have a serious argument, he threatens to call the police and have her removed from the home.
He owns the house and she is NOT (yet)on the mortgage and they have no children. Still, though, what rights does she have-can he just chuck her out?
This stress is tearing her apart and she is thinking of leaving anyway but in HER own time.

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lottiejenkins · 27/03/2010 08:36

If i was her i'd be finding my own place pretty damn smartish and not in her own time!!! He doesnt sound like a nice person!!

Original poster

marantha · 27/03/2010 08:40

lottiejenkins Yes, he is a bit of a see-you-next-tuesday, I agree that he is a right bully but what are her rights? Anyone know?
Knowledge is power as they say.

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WeeShuggy · 27/03/2010 08:45

The Citizen's Advice Bureau says she can fill in a form to protect her right to stay in the property and should seek advice.

diddl · 27/03/2010 08:47

I thought if you were married you had a right to be in the "marital home" even if there were no details in your name?

farmerjones · 27/03/2010 08:49

she is married to him. he cannot just chuck her out. course she needs to be away from such a dickwad, but, as you said, in her own time.

Condensedmilkaddict · 27/03/2010 09:01

She should call his bluff.
Laugh at him, and point out that it's OUR home now.

And that he would be in trouble for wasting police time.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 28/03/2010 00:40

They're married, he can't just chuck her out. The police would just laugh at him.

katiesaid · 28/03/2010 14:19

oh christ, this brings back some memories, this is EXACTLY what happened to me a few years ago. Now i havent read any of the other posts so forgive me if this has been repeated but i went to the council as i thought id be homeless and they told me if you're married, even if your name is NOT on the mortgage he can not throw you out.
although when he called the police to have me removed countless times the cops dont look at this, all they want to know is 'is your name on the mortgage and like you mine wasnt. BUT get some legal advise because im sure im right

your situation is so familiar, i had no family or anyone i could escape to, no savings and i was stuck with him threatening to throw me onto the streets every time he was drunk (which was often)
its a horrible, horribly insecure scary situation to be in and i wish you the best of luck.
Katie

katiesaid · 28/03/2010 14:20

unfortunately Brahms the police dont just laugh if its his house. But legally she does have rights to stay. the police dont want to get involved really as its a civil issue

TheSteelFairy2 · 28/03/2010 14:25

I don't know her rights legally but I do know that without kids and only my ownsome to look after I would be out the door sharpish the first time this was said to me.

Not very helpful I know but I am exhausted abd saddened to the very centre of my being reading about and experiencing in RL the abuse of men .

katiesaid · 28/03/2010 14:26

diddl has it exactly. very good advice. Also about your friend going to Citizen's advice. The council rang my husband and explained to him he couldnt throw me out either, they were very helpful although ultimately, she'll want to get away from him, she cant live with a creep like that
also when i started my divorce my lawyer registered my name with the land registry on the deeds of his house (as the marital home) which meant he couldn't sell it without my name being removed first.
he went ape-shit when he found that out.
Good!

TheSteelFairy2 · 28/03/2010 14:28

katiesaid that put a smile on my face. I bet he went nuts!

katiesaid · 28/03/2010 14:29

you're right Steelfairy about being out the door sharpish but where do you go if you've got nowhere?
A refuge would have been the only answer for me and i wanted to try to hang on to my dignity as long as i could before i gave in and went there..

katiesaid · 28/03/2010 14:30

haha.
yes indeed he did SF.
that little revenge was sweet!

Original poster

marantha · 28/03/2010 14:49

Thanks for the responses thus far. I know that if children are involved, the matter is completely different. Didn't know how much assistance a grown-up, childless woman would have in this matter, but it DOES seem that he cannot have her thrown out of marital home.

Keep the replies coming, please. I'm sure that, as katiesaid said, there are lots of women (indeed men, too) who have been in this position and this thread is a good reference for them.

I suppose that it's obvious this thread is about me and not a close friend- no point in lying about it.

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Original poster

marantha · 28/03/2010 14:50

Sorry about any deception, but I'm so embarrassed to have gotten myself into this situation.

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Original poster

marantha · 28/03/2010 14:55

He also keeps threatening to ring my family and ask them to "collect" me when there is a serious argument. I've only been married for just over 2 years and I don't want them to know I've made a terrible mistake.
I have tried to "break" the news to them that my marriage is not good in gradual steps, but have fallen short of telling them just how horrible he can be and his threats.
I really want to leave him now, but have to save a bit of cash first. I will not let him bully me into leaving. As far as I'm concerned, I'll go when I AM ready, not HIM.

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ReneRusso · 28/03/2010 15:03

Oh Marantha, please don't be embarrassed, this is his fault for being an arse, not yours. You sound like you're too ashamed to tell your family the full story, but wouldn't it be a relief once you've done it? Maybe they would give you the support you need? Sounds like you would be happier away from this man asap.

Original poster

marantha · 28/03/2010 15:15

ReneRusso Yes, I am ashamed. Who wants to "give up" on a marriage after a few short years? But I can't be doing with the threats all the time, they're making me anxious and afraid.
I am glad I started this thread, though. There is comfort in knowing I am not the only one who has been (is) in this situation.
I (foolishly) thought marriage would bring security and that I'd be better off married than cohabiting. Still, I must be positive and look on the bright side: at least I haven't got children with my dh.

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racmac · 28/03/2010 15:34

www.landreg.gov.uk/assets/library/documents/public_guide_004.pdf

This should help - you are protected - you are married and therefore he cannot sell from under you or kick you out but i suggest you fill the form in and send it to the Land Registry - he will know about it however - they will send him a copy of the form.

You dont need Solicitor just send the form off - think its MH4.

STIDW · 28/03/2010 15:59

When someone is married they have rights to live in the matrimonial home regardless of whose name is on the deeds. If the police are called to a domestic incidence in the absence of any legal document to the contrary they will just take a short term measure to separate the warring couple and possibly ask a person whose name is not on the house deeds to leave temporarily.

One thing your friend could do is register her matrimonial home rights with the Land Registry. That gets the message across to her husband that she has as much right to live there as him and provides documentary evidence for the police should they become involved.

In the event that the police are called and she is asked to leave she should seek legal advice immediately. A non molestation and/or occupation order regulating who is to occupy the property (or part of it!) may be appropriate. Once rehoused it is more difficult getting an occupation order. Factors taken into consideration include;

(a) the housing needs and housing resources of each of the parties and of any relevant child;

(b) the financial resources of each of the parties;

(c) the likely effect of any order, or of any decision by the court not to exercise its powers, on the health, safety or well-being of the parties and of any relevant child; and

(d) the conduct of the parties in relation to each other and otherwise.

LadyLapsang · 28/03/2010 23:13

Marantha,

Please don't feel the least embarrassed or ashamed. I know you won't feel it now but in many ways it is good that this has happened when there are no children that can be hurt by his actions.

Do speak to someone in RL, I would suggest Relate, you can go on your own and it will help you to make up your mind about what you want. I would also seek legal advise, it's likely you may be entitled to a share of the house or some money if you decide to divorce / separate.

He sounds a real bully, is he abusing you in other ways (it doesn't have to be physical you know)?

Look after yourself.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/03/2010 00:27

He sounds absolutely disgusting. Have you rung Women's Aid? They will be able to give you loads of good advice about your legal position, and they and the CAB will be able to advise you about finding a new home even if you are not currently working and have no savings - while you probably won't get a council house there are schemes to help poor people get into privately rented accommodation, housing benefit etc. But living with someone like him, who seems to percieve you as some kind of disobedient pet to be kicked around or 'rehomed' if the mood takes him, is horrendously bad for your mental health so the sooner you are out of there the better.

Original poster

marantha · 29/03/2010 08:45

The reason why I want to stay put for now is that I am halfway through a course which would result in my getting a good qualification that would allow me to leave him. I work part-time but it's not much money, tbh.
My dream is to get my qualification, a decent amount of money in the bank and leave him.

He is not physically abusive -yet. I say "yet" because the things he has done post-marrying have shattered my faith in him completely. Contacting other women in a sexual manner- he denies any actual meeting with these females (Christ, they're welcome to him!)but, still, he has proved himself untrustworthy- threatening suicide after a major row- a neighbour and myself had to drive 20 or so miles to find him.
In short, the guy is a nut. I'm better off without but I can't let him spoil my chance of bettering myself and am damned if I am going to let him spoil my chance of that.

Anyway, I know now that he can't realistically get me out of the house. I had read it from various advice sites but he (not so dear dh) has always said I am wrong. Appears I am not. Thanks for the advice.

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Original poster

marantha · 29/03/2010 09:00

He had no intention of actually committing suicide-he had not taken a single pill. It was just an attempt at frightening me, I think.

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