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Original poster

Have I been dumped? You, the MNs decide...

56 replies

incandescent · 22/03/2010 20:11

Can't believe I'm in this movie yet again, but the jist is...

single mum in very small town, been seeing a lovely, kind, gorgeous single dad of said town for about a month. We've been taking it very slow (didn't kiss til 5th date and we've had great sex the last two times we met). However, he is very wounded, as XW left him for a childhood sweetheart and he doesn't really seem over it, despite this being 2 years ago.

Anyways, as I say, we were taking it slow but really I was starting to fall for him.

Then last Thursday, he cancels a date saying he has flu. I believe him and wish him speedy recovery, as he was due to take his kids away on holiday the following day.
I text him Friday hoping he's better and wishing them a fab time. He replies politely, but with no terms of endearment and no mention of when we're going to get together when he's back from holidays.

Now, he's on holiday with his kids, so I don't expect him to be texting somebody he's only been seeing for a month., but I would have felt happier if we'd arranged a date before he left. I've had no contact for 3 days now...the longest in our month together (he usually texts me a couple of times a day) Do I presume he's lost interest or do I remember that he's (rightfully) putting his kids first and may well contact me when he's back.

I'm over analysing, freaking out, but I just feel that he's lost interest and I'm very
It's ages since I've been dating and I feel woefully out of practice! Desperately trying not to check my phone every 5 mins and feel like a right sad bastard

So, to put a stop to this nonsense: am I dumped, or am I not?

OP posts:
rasputin · 22/03/2010 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karmann · 22/03/2010 20:18

Men and women have very different views of phone calls or text. Remember being a teenager waiting for calls and they just don't think about it the same way we do. Let him have this time with his kids and see what happens when he gets back.

emsyj · 22/03/2010 20:18

Buy a copy of The Rules. I'm sure I will be flamed for suggesting this and accused of encouraging game-playing etc, but honestly as a basic survival guide to enable you to move around the dating world without ending up in brain-twisting situations like this, it is invaluable and it will help you.

Do nothing for now. He may ring you, he may not. Read The Rules before you speak to him again.

Hassled · 22/03/2010 20:20

It's too early to tell. Just get on with life, try and go out with mates or something and have some fun, and see what happens when he gets back.

If he has dumped you, the fact he didn't have the guts to just tell you in a straightforward manner makes me think you're well rid.

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/03/2010 20:20

Rasputin is absolutely spot on... It doesn't sound like you've been dumped but if you behave as if you have (ie don't contact him and try not to think about him) you will find it easier if you have. Absolutely don't contact him!

Hope it's just a holiday thing and that all is good when he's back.

FabIsGettingThere · 22/03/2010 20:21

Is he still away? If so, assume he has no phone signal while he is away.

The the day he is due back, text him. You like him, why not, just text and stop worrying about the rules and what you should be doing and playing it cool and all that crap.

rasputin · 22/03/2010 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 22/03/2010 20:33

you are over-analysing

you are also trying to move too fast

slow down and chill

Original poster
incandescent · 22/03/2010 20:39

I absolutely agree about not texting him on holiday. Kids' time is sacred time. But I think I should wait for him to text me when he gets back. The only trouble is we live in a V.E.R.Y small town, so sooner or later we're going to bump into each other.

I just think he would have texted something like: "we're off, see you when I'm back, have a good weekend" if we were still on. The fact he didn't makes me think we're off

But I will not text him first.

Ach, the agony. He's lovely too, honest girls

Thanks for your replies.

Can you read The Rules on line without buying the book?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/03/2010 20:44

the only rules you need are in my post above your last one

Original poster
incandescent · 22/03/2010 20:45

haha AF

OP posts:
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 22/03/2010 23:38

em - why would he need to text you to say you were still on? as far as he is aware you are??

he had the flu. then had to go on hols as booked and paid for. probably still not 100% so will be struggling slightly with being single parent and abroad

and.. being tight fisted myself... i wouldn't contact someone i had met only very recently when abroad as ridiculously expensive. also... generally dont turn my contract phone on. i actually have a PAYG sim now since having kids. and only use that if i go abroad without them so i can be contacted.

if i was away with them.. i wouldn't even turn my phone on tbh.

i'd leave details of hotel with family for in case of emergency to contact me.

imo - you may not here from him till he gets back. possibly you may once he's feeling 100% and getting to that stage of holiday where you have seen/done everything and gearing up to last days before you go home, he may send a wee text then.

or he might be thinking of dumping you once he's back from hols. but lets face it... you texting him abroad isn't going to change it. its just going to annoy him that it's costing him money to receive your text

bear in mind.. i feel the generally rule when texting someone abroad on holiday... is you only do it if they contact you first (as it is their phone bill that gets charged)

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 22/03/2010 23:39

hear not here, and many more mistakes. think its time i went to sleep

ifancyashandy · 23/03/2010 08:34

I don't think you have been dumped - just that his head was all caught up with the kids and going away. Don't call him / text him and go out and do something fun so that when he gets back, you've got something to talk to him about - you know, 'Yeah, I saw this great movie / went out for drinks with XYZ etc etc' - that way, you don't feel like you've been a sad sap sitting waiting and he doesn't feel like you've been sitting in waiting for his return. Win Win!

Oh, and don't buy The Rules - sexist, game playing shite (sorry!). The two women who wrote it are now divorced.....

teaandcakeplease · 23/03/2010 08:39

You sound like me OP. Keep busy as others have said. Most blokes truly do not think like us, it wouldn't occur to them to send a reassuring text etc half the time. Its not over IMO, you're reading too much into things.

Go and see a friend and keep busy as others have said text when back x

diddl · 23/03/2010 08:44

I don´t think you´ve been dumped.
But it´s only a month-and right now he´s probably so busy with his children that he´s not giving anything else too much thought.

And if he´s not away for long he´s probably thinking a call can wait until he gets back.

And your not teenagers to be needed to text every little detail of what´s going on.

I think the fact that he replied to your last text is a good sign.

BariatricObama · 23/03/2010 08:58

i think if he was still interested he would have texted or phoned before he left

sorry

SugarTits · 23/03/2010 11:41

My dh was a nightmare about phoning etc when we first met. He was seriously into me, but a head in the clouds type and just a bit flaky. Hold off and don't text.

gramercy · 23/03/2010 11:48

If you text - even when he gets back - you will look like a desperate woman. No-one - man or woman - likes feeling hounded. Give him space.

If he likes you, he'll be in touch.

Plumm · 23/03/2010 11:53

Text him when he gets back but keep it chatty, not a great big I missed you-fest

elastamum · 23/03/2010 12:38

I feel you pain I think dating can be a minefield for us poor single mums! My rule of thumb is to treat any new date like I would a casual friend. I dont get offended if they dont call, but I dont go out of my way to keep in touch. If they are interested then they call you, if they dont call they are not interested! They way I look at it is my life is OK without them, they just add a bit of fun

Longtalljosie · 23/03/2010 12:45

I think you're still on. Have faith!

thumbwitch · 23/03/2010 12:46

I think you're over analysing as well.
He probably has no signal/ no battery charger/ no international call set up on his phone.
Wait until he's back and then think again if he doesn't contact you immediately.

I would send him one text when you know he's due back, just saying "hope you had a good time, looking forward to hearing about it" or something like that.
Remember he is not inside your head - he may still think everything is hunkydory with you both, and if you don't text him, he may think you have gone off him.

Can't be doing with gameplaying - text him yourself and see what happens. If he doesn't reply, you have your answer.

Pootles2010 · 23/03/2010 12:46

Erm just a thought - he's gone away in UK right? If he's gone away somewhere countryside-ish (lakes, etc) he probably has no signal. I would agree with others - just sit tight.

thumbwitch · 23/03/2010 12:51

Anyway, he did text you the day he went on holiday, you said so - what more do you want? He was probably distracted trying to get everything organised with his DC, especially if he was also feeling under the weather.

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