What's the rule about moaning about your 50% saint and 50% bastard husband when you've moaned many times before about him and people say leave but you don't want to and aren't going to, but he's been

[JustMyTwoPenceWorth]

a twat (again) and you just want a moan about it?

Is it a case of shut up whinging if you aren't going to pack a bag and get out, or is it ok to have a (pointless) moan?

I have an alcoholic H and would suggest you read up on co-dependency/enabling and you could contact Al-Anon.

I feel used - he gets to be irresponsible and drunk as he's got me to be the dependable, responsible parent. Saturday nights have always been fun (not). Either watching him get rapidly inebriated or if he was too far gone early on in the evening, to be told 'I do not wish to sit in the same room as you'. Either way, it is lonely.

My naivety at the start of my relationship about problem-drinking was amazing. At least I am not transporting numerous bottles to the bottle bank for him anymore. He has to do it himself.

Autumnlight, my ex when drinking used to say "why don't you f*ck off to bed so a man can enjoy a drink in his own home?". Also know well the feeling of watching him consume can after can, he would be ok for the first couple, then start slurring and then finally be talking but making no sense whatsoever. Always went to bed at this point.

justmy2pworth - your last post made me cry. you need to get you and your DC out of this situation. He is damaging you, he is harming you all, I promise you when you leave, IF you ever leave you will see how bad he/the marriage was.

My sister was with an alcoholic for many years and when she got rid of him she was like a new person. Took her a while to find herself, but when she did wow - I was so proud of her.

how are you this evening, heq ?

Heq, your post on the disappearing acts thread made me . And no sex for ten years?

Whatever you decide, in terms of the ongoing marriage, please reconsider going into business together. This man can't be trusted with responsibility.

Look after yourself.

thanks everyone. sorry for buggering off everything still up in air. I know how annoying it is when OPs just disappear! Basically, we are in negotiations very painful. Taking a lot of time. will be continuing tonight. Things are friendly and we're keeping it normal during the day for the kids.

The children will pick up on all the unspoken tension between you both. You cannot kid yourself that it is otherwise. They know something is amiss within your house even if they cannot (as likely) express it openly for fear of upsetting you.

Its no life for them and for you either; its just a pitiful half existance with you acting as his enabler. This is all you are to him and you and everyone else around him will always come second to his primary relationship; the one he has with drink.

You are not responsible for him, only your own self. Think carefully about the next decade, he is actually quite happy to drag you all down with him. And he has certainly done that to date and will continue to do so.

Your children are really the ones who will suffer the long term fallout from all this dysfunction; what are you both teaching them about relationships here?.