Am I totally spineless (& naive)??

[ladylovestocook]

Hi all, I'm new to the site but came on as I hoped to gain some insight ? forgive me if I go on a bit? my DH and I have been 2together for 16 years with 2 young DD (we are 47); it?s been plodding for a couple of years; he has had regular but now sporadic drink/dependency/reliability issues over the years which makes me controlling/nagging in return. That all said I love him, plain & simple, but since January I have been really depressed making me probably not easy to live with (I?m on medication now); he in turn goes out, gets wasted and turns his phone off?. I have dared to wonder how it would be easier without wondering where he was and in the meantime he came home last Wed. evening and said 'it wasn't working' and he'd like a trial separation out of the blue. It?s hit me like a train?can?t eat, sleep, concentrate? He?s agreed to stay at home and try and give it one last shot, along with counselling (we?ve done it once before 3 years ago). He has admitted to OW, says he?s seen her a few times but no sex (?!) but it?s a by-product of our stale relationship and he wouldn?t be leaving because of her. Our intimacy has been rubbish over the last year ? I agreed to therapy to explore why. I also work full time and pretty much do everything at home, all the finances, his banking etc etc. He pretty much just needs to get up and go to work?
Am I totally spineless to let him stay and naïve to believe there is a chance I can turn this around?

are you waiting for him to end the relationship ?

take control...your self-esteem will thank you for it

I thought he had asked for a trial separation ??...take him up on his offer

if he goes to OW..you have your answer

and stop making things normal for him...you are acting like a doormat

I hope you have stopped servicing his domestic needs, doing his banking etc

what possible reason is there for him to change if you just carry on putting him at the forefront of your home life ? He isn't a child, and neither are you

there was a "hint" of backbone, you say

find some more, lots more, or you will be this man's domestic appliance for many more years to come

nice thought ?

ladylovestock - you sound similar to me. I have IBS and recently I have had a severe bought of IBS which I am sure is due to constant stress. And you say you slapped him, which you feel bad about. Well, when I slapped my H (which I too feel ashamed to admit) he retaliated by holding me with by one arm and giving me the full force of his fist into my face - black eye/severe swelling and bruising of half my face. I then hid away at home for a month (wouldn't go up the school - got my mum to pick up dc). This was a few years ago but it festers, together with hundreds of other things in me, and annoyingly I got angry about that particular event last night with my H - because he couldn't give a s... that I even involved my mum for a month because of it. His reply - so what, you hit me first. My H is an alcoholic also (no OW involved, to my knowledge, he's never really been bothered about sex anyway[hmmm]) I am 49, 3 dc. You are taking too much of the blame in your OP - you do end up 'nagging' and being difficult to live with when living with an a....... Oh, and my H just wants 'the easy life'.

Good luck with the solicitor.