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Original poster

So, how does a girl go about getting laid?

44 replies

EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:03

Only half tongue in cheek! (Hence cunning disguise)

I think I'd like to try a no strings thing but I don't know how to go about it or even if casual sex is for me

It's been 2 years(ish) since my last relationship and I love being single.

A relationship is not on the cards but I can't envisage a future completely barren of sex.

I'm concerned that if I remain celibate, I'll look back in regret. That I don't want.

It's not for a lack of interest that I haven't gone ahead so far, I just haven't felt I've wanted to yet!

Now I think maybe I do, I just need to define my boundaries before going there. e.g. What are the pros and cons of one nighters v fork buddies?

Advise me, please!

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 15/03/2010 23:04

What is a fork buddy?

Original poster
EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:06

Like a fuck buddy but more pleasing to the eye

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 15/03/2010 23:07

Oh! You mean fuck buddy. I thought there was a thing named fork buddy that I knew nothing of but wished I did...(there isn't is there?)

AnyFucker · 15/03/2010 23:08

< waits for sgb to rock up >

Remotew · 15/03/2010 23:10

If you really do want casual, then a toyboy is a safe bet. They are usually better looking, better body, guaranteed virile and won't seriously want a full on relationship with you.

Best places to meet them are nightclubs. Not that I would know .

Original poster
EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:11
OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 15/03/2010 23:12

Make sure it's not a married man looking for a bit on the side too!

solo · 15/03/2010 23:12

Pricks up ears!

SolidGoldBrass · 15/03/2010 23:18

OK, if it's a friend-with-benefits you want, dating sites are a good way to find one AS LONG AS you take the usual precautions of making your first meeting in a public place and telling someone where you are going and when you expect to be back.
ONS are also good fun but if you have been a long time out of the dating scene, be careful at first, trust your own radar and if a bloke who is chatting you up creeps you out or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, move on to the next one.
Another option if what you want is uncomplicated sex might be a swingers' club, many of which have 'mixed' nights for couples and singles and there are generally more single men than single women. You don't have to shag in public as most if not all clubs have at least one 'private' room - and of course you don't have to shag on the premises, getting someone's phone number and arranging to meet them another time is fine; the main thing with swingers' clubs is that this is a good place to meet people who are up for casual sex and have good manners on the subject.

Original poster
EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:20

AE, I like but don't feel confident about carrying off the alluring older woman scenario (How would I do that?)

TBB, agree absolutely!!

OP posts:
Original poster
EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:27

SGB, I've tried dating sites but didn't enjoy. I'm not very extrovert and removed my pics within 24 hours! Too much attention and it flustered me.

Lack of self confidence is an issue. Half the time I don't even realise someone's coming on to me. I tend to work on the assumption that no-one's likely to and I'm generally wrong. When (if) I realise they are, I get flustered and back off or knock back. I've kicked myself later more than once.

Swinging had never crossed my mind, I'll investigate that.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 15/03/2010 23:30

Choose your target and flirt ridiculously - honest, it really does feel ridiculous but as long as you amuse yourself, that's okay!

And heed SGB re your finer instincts. When something makes you feel like taking a step back or anything - don't order another drink, go outside for a stiff fresh air and start again with a new target

Also, dating sites are absolutely made for your current purpose
Just remember the world is full of weirdos sometimes - and you're the one with the goodies! Don't compromise, don't take risks, don't let strangers know where you live, do use your own contraception and a condom, do take it lightly and do have fun

Have fun!!

ItsGraceAgain · 15/03/2010 23:34

Just seen your last post. What I said re: goodies and compromise: goes double.

Have you ever looked at men's forums? They're all frantic! Trust me, you are the one with the goodies

Original poster
EcoMinx · 15/03/2010 23:41

"...you're the one with the goodies!..."

I'd adopt it as a mantra if it wasn't for fear of blurting it out after one or two

Thanks Grace

OP posts:
kittyonthebeam · 16/03/2010 09:23

join Killing Kittens...LOL

NewLeaseofLife · 16/03/2010 09:26

Am watching this with great interest as I am in the same postition! Good luck

MaggieMuggins · 16/03/2010 09:38

Grace...men have forums??

RubyPink · 16/03/2010 14:28

What/where are these men's forums then?

thesteelfairy2 · 16/03/2010 15:22

Get on Facebook and look up your old male friends/boyfriends, check they are still attractive, ensure they are not married or committed elsewhere then go for it! I have found this approach fairly successful.

Scrudd · 16/03/2010 15:25

There are lots of swinging websites where you can hook up with people if that's your bag.

kittyonthebeam · 16/03/2010 16:48

Would also second steelfairy's approach. There must be men in your phone book from ages ago who were shaggable and fun yet commitmentphobic but nice. Call those first.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/03/2010 16:57

If you want to try swinging clubs, you are welcome to CAT me with your whereabouts and I will send you some recommendations. WRT swinging clubs in general, some people prefer to travel to one that's not the nearest one to where they live, to lessen the chances of running into the bloke who runs the local pub/one's GP/another mum from the school run. Though this is neither obligatory nor does it guarantee you won't meet someone you know from elsewhere anyway.

MuthaHubbard · 16/03/2010 17:05

am also watching with interest.......and shall remember i have goodies

i would like to go to a swinging club but really not sure i'm brave enough to go on my own though

Original poster
EcoMinx · 17/03/2010 08:31
OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 17/03/2010 08:45

I'd say a more regular 'fork buddy' gives better results than a one night stand, as it's a gamble with a ONS as to whether they will be any good in the sack or not, but with a more regular person you can both get to know each other sexually and practice and be more familiar in bed.

The thing is to just keep it to sex only, don't even think about anything else about the person or try to get to know them as a friend or anything. Easier to keep the boundaries defined that way. Make sure both of you know exactly what it is, i.e. no-strings-sex, and don't waste toime with the whole pretend 'going on a date and then back home to shag' thing, once you know the person and have decided there is a mutual sexual attraction, don't bother meeting for drinks first each time you want to bonk, just get on with it.

Also, never stay the whole night or let them stay the whole night. It is sex and then goodbye.

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