Started something and feel happy but scared too. Rather long and rambly sorry.

[aSilverLining]

Some of you may remember me as AboardtheAxiom, those of you who don't last year I left my emotional abuse ex of 9 years and am now living in a nice happy home with my DS.

There is a man in my life (who I love dearly), had always been platonic but feelings developed and I realised I felt very strongly about him but didn't dare raise the issue as I was terrified of losing him. He is the one person in my life whom I can completely depend on and trust.

Anyway, a line was crossed a fortnight ago, he sent me a suggestive message in response to an innocent one from me and things progressed from there.

I adore him, and we are having a fabulous cheeky time and I have this stupid grin most of the time. But... I am scared of falling out with him, or losing him, or things going wrong. Sometimes I feel absolutely terrified about it. As things stand I am happy as we are, but I don't know how long for, what if at some stage I want more, something more serious and he doesn't?

I know not everyone believes in a soul mate but I do feel this man is mine, and if I hadn't had that cheeky text from him I may well have never told him how I feel as he is my rock and I wouldn't have dared risk losing him. He is the guy who I can call when I am not sleeping or am crying about DS's autism, or who will come and move my bins at some ungodly hour on his way to work

Also. oh my god. I have to say, I can nowunderstand couples who are so loved up and adoring and worshipping of each other, I feel my relationship with abusive ex was simply a sham, we never had such intimacy, such a connection or happiness with each other. After years of being friends with NewMan we have crossed a line into new territory, and feels right. Natural. Lovely.

I am scared of losing it all. Gulp.

aww, how lovely

I remember you as ATA

you deserve some happiness...and some cheekiness

just try to relax (easier said)

just because things have gone tits-up in the past, doesn't mean they will again

take it slowly, hold a little of yourself back (always good advice, that is) and enjoy

what is the worst that can happen ??? You lose a good friend ? It doesn't sound like that will happen, tbh, if you are both very open and communicative

good luck x

Thanks AF.

Yes I am trying to hold myself back a little, not texting every time the urge takes me, not saying those 3 little words (which would be unnecessary with this man as there is love between us anyway), seeing friends and family and not throwing my life at his feet, etc.

I think it the worry of everything going tits up, yes. When I say he is the only person I can depend on I do mean that, and I sadly, include my family in that equation.

I have told him I don't ever want us to fall out as I wouldn't want to lose him and he replied with 'you and me will never fall out'. I hope he is right.

And thanks for the cheeky wink , yes it is very nice to have some fun in my life. As I said I can't get over how intimate and comfortable this has been with him, I am realising what happy, healthy, couple relationships are like I think.

But yes, scary.

you have made my night

x

aaaaw, you're quite a softy really aren't you AF!?! don't worry I won't tell anyone!

So I am good holding back a little? I actually came onto MN as I was feeling all panicky about it all and was trying my best not to text him.

always a softy for a lovely story x

You lucky so and so.

Sounds to me like he's mad for you too so stop worrying and enjoy.

{whispers} are you drunk AF?

No one in RL knows about me and NM apart from one trusted friend who doesn't know him well. The reason for this being, he now lives with and is related tomy ex, who would not be please no doubt to hear of our new relationship.

So, it isn't quite a fairy tale situation but I feel my happiness has been a long while coming and I am just trying my very best to go with the flow and not listen to this scared voice in my head worrying about everything falling apart.

This sounds so Lovely. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

I'm recently separated and really don't think I'll have that again. Actually, from what you've described I don't think I've had that ever.

Enjoy yourself, don't panic, he sounds great.

mrscynical - thanks.

I hope he is as mad for me as I am for him, that would be nice (understatement). I certainly know he would do anything fr me as this has previously been tried and tested! Holding back has actually shown me he does have feelings for me as if he hasn't heard from me for a while he will text or call just to check in which is lovely.

nope, not drunk

but I think you are drunk on lurrrrve, girly

x posts mavis

I didn't even know it could be so easy and pleasant with someone, never mind hope for it. Since leaving ex I have really concentrated on ME. Me, me, me, me (and DS obviously). I have looked after myself, drank wine, eaten well, had fun with DS and my family and friends, then this came along. Definately just relish being free of twattish ex and enjoying life is my advice to you.

ha ha, maybe AF, maybe hic

resolves to look more serious and less in lurve. [serious face]

I remember your thread! Congratulations on finding something so lovely My advice would be the same, take everything slowly, talk to him at every stage (ie don't suddenly pull back with no explanation if you feel like you have gone in too fast) - but TBH with such a great friendship behind you it sounds as though you could cope with this anyway.

I might possibly be in a similar situation (although without such a solid friendship behind) so will watch this thread for tips (e.g. what exactly do you mean, AF, about holding a little back?)

Mavis here's hope to you finding something special in the future

Wow, I think I posted on your other thread... If so, I hoped this would be you!

Either way, congratulations, you obviously deserve him.

The 'too good to be true' feeling comes from living with a fuckwit for too many years, take it from me!!! Enjoy your new man, I hope he truly is one of the good guys!

bertie..to hold a little of yourself back means don't throw 100% of your good vibes into someone else

selfishly keep 25% of your feel-good hormones for yourself

until someone proves themself worthy of your good regard by their actions do not give it wholeheartedly

remember that you came into this world alone...and so you shall leave it

< sermon over >

Yes all those years with ex definately left me with low expectations, and he wasn't the first twunt I got involved with unfortunately.

Bertie - it's nice to hear you ay be in a similar situation. Holding back a little can feel hard, but I do think it's wise, especially after being in an unhealthy relationship as you, I, and many others on here have been. By holding back I meant:

• not quickly revolving your whole life around NewMan
• maintain a social life, hobbies, see friends, etc
• not coming on too strong, giving him chance to get in touch

Doing these things gives chance to get your head around things, and shows what kind of man he is. You will have time to spot any signs he is a potential twat or one to hold onto! I am in a fortunate position of having known this guy a long time so know him pretty well already.

At least that's what I am hoping anyway!

Thanks AF that is a helpful post, I think women in particular can find it hard to be selfish. I have recently discovered that sometimes it is good to be a little selfish - healthy. If I wasn't I would still be miserable living with ex and having DS walk very slowly home from school asking whether or not daddy was home.

I am a very selfish person

it has protected me very well over the years

aSilverlining - I agree that selfishness is really hard when you're a mother. We're too concerned with our dc's wellbeing (as we should be) to give any time for ourselves.

I like to think I may find someone else (I'm only 39 afterall) however, if I can support my 2 boys and have an interesting life then it's all good.

may have to find a fuck buddy though

Did you post before about getting a text from a friend that you really loved and you weren't sure how to take it as it was a joke text but it looked like more?

I remember that thread and always wondered what happened.

TBH I think most of my stuff about being selfless, compliant, agreeable, etc stems from childhood. I recognise it though and ignore it now and am determined not to have myself as that kind of character in any future relationship.

It's funny you should mention that mavis as while with ex I had no desire at all, left him and BAM. I realised I was smiling and singing and wanting sex (this was just a day or two after leaving, sat in a house with no funrture or appliances). I thought it was me. That's what he had told me. It wasn't me it was him. The twunt.

Ah OK, thanks, I am doing that already so seems my instincts haven't been too damaged.

I remember your thread OP because I was leaving XP at around the same time. I didn't post because I could only just cope with my own stuff really at the time.

coldhands, yes I did (the long winded text which at the end asked if a jaffa cake was a biscuit, rather than asking about us)

Yes that is the one I was thinking of!

So glad it worked out!!

Oh I am so pleased for you! I remember you as ATA also.

It is worth the risk - better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and all that...

and, listen, even if it didn't work out romantically for you, that doesn't automatically mean that you would lose the friendship. Loads of people are friends with exes - my boss is great mates with both his ex wives and all his in-laws.

But enough talk of exes - you don't know what's ahead of you so you should take the happiness that is offered to you every day and tomorrow will take care of itself.