I'm coming to the conclusion that i am insane

[fairyfly]

I cannot handle relationships, they make me behave erratically and strange. I am stressed , worried, over analytical and vague. It starts with a complete panic that i am going to get shat on and then i go all cold and refuse to speak to him. I sent a text last night saying i wanted a break. I lay in bed obsessing that i could do better and no way was i ever going to get taken for granted again and completely behaved over the top. Then i woke up and thought to myself calm down, stop worrying and enjoy yourself. I think i may be one of these people that is just better alone as i am so effected by the relationships i find myself in. When im single i feel like i am on a more even keel and don't get so controlled by my mental mood swings.
Going out with someone when they are not your childrens father is harder than i thought. I feel knackered as if i am spreading myself all over the place and trying to be a million different roles for different people.
Boyf has just rang and asked if i am ok as he has no idea what is going on with me and is confused, hes not the only one.
I'll be fine later and completely in love again, then i will go through the entire panic process one more time. Is this what it is like meeting someone and i have forgotten? Or do i need a special hospital.
I have no idea why i'm even writing this down on here as i will just get called a nutter by people i know. But i feel sad and scared in real life and constantly as if i am always one step behind on the grown up scale. I just want an easy life, marriage, babies, job. But i fuck it up constantly because i'm not normal ( and i know im not)

[fairyfly]

My sister was just pointing out i am fine. Neither of us hide pies. My mother does though.

Rickman why do you feel your not a good catch?

Listmaker, that makes a lot of sense to me, you are absolutely right, thanks for posting that.

[ninah]

so, we have established
that you are sane, you have no pies, bf's a good egg, sun is shining ....

[rickman]

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[fairyfly]

no the sun is definetly not shining.

I will stop all this panic and self analytical self obsessed banter. Feel better now as you have all helped me to see most women do it. I have heard enough of them.

[fairyfly]

Rickman you know men don't mind women with children if they love the woman. It is just the same as when we except everything about the men we are with.

As for ex well he couldn't destroy something if it was good. Nobody can. Mine tried to but we laughed at him.

You will get you confidence back eventually, oh it makes me so angry about men that they can do this to women, They are animals.

[ninah]

Colin Montgomerie met his partner on school run
it's sunny here ff! well not right here in the office, with the smell of the sewage works seeping through the fanlight, but it's out there somewhere

[Listmaker]

Rickman it probably is easier for you to be on your own for now and you really don't have time to spread yourself even thinner! But now my dds are a bit older (7 and 5) it is much easier and I am back at work every day which makes me feel more like a person!

But I am fatter than I've ever been and am not a pretty sight in any mirror!

I'm sure you will meet someone when the time is right but for now enjoy your kids and your time with them. I am really glad now that I had all that time just me and them as we are so close now. I sometimes feel a bit guilty now because I give attention to my bf but they are fine - especially if his dds are there to paly with them. But I think it's better that they are school age when this started and so more detached from me iyswim.

[rickman]

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[ninah]

ha - it's when it doesn't bother you, and you are perfectly happy with your lot that they strike! beware ....
Try an admin job at a uni for talent spotting! yellow teeth, dandruff, liver spots ... mmmmm

[fqueenzebra]

Rickman, there is still so much life ahead of you, you're not that old. So much can change so quickly (think how your life was 2-3 years ago and how it is today??). Don't despair....

[ggglimpopo]

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[rickman]

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[anorak]

No she isn't everyone. I've met her and she's lovely, pretty and much younger than me!

[rickman]

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