I'm coming to the conclusion that i am insane

[fairyfly]

I cannot handle relationships, they make me behave erratically and strange. I am stressed , worried, over analytical and vague. It starts with a complete panic that i am going to get shat on and then i go all cold and refuse to speak to him. I sent a text last night saying i wanted a break. I lay in bed obsessing that i could do better and no way was i ever going to get taken for granted again and completely behaved over the top. Then i woke up and thought to myself calm down, stop worrying and enjoy yourself. I think i may be one of these people that is just better alone as i am so effected by the relationships i find myself in. When im single i feel like i am on a more even keel and don't get so controlled by my mental mood swings.
Going out with someone when they are not your childrens father is harder than i thought. I feel knackered as if i am spreading myself all over the place and trying to be a million different roles for different people.
Boyf has just rang and asked if i am ok as he has no idea what is going on with me and is confused, hes not the only one.
I'll be fine later and completely in love again, then i will go through the entire panic process one more time. Is this what it is like meeting someone and i have forgotten? Or do i need a special hospital.
I have no idea why i'm even writing this down on here as i will just get called a nutter by people i know. But i feel sad and scared in real life and constantly as if i am always one step behind on the grown up scale. I just want an easy life, marriage, babies, job. But i fuck it up constantly because i'm not normal ( and i know im not)

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

[anorak]

No she isn't everyone. I've met her and she's lovely, pretty and much younger than me!

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[fqueenzebra]

Rickman, there is still so much life ahead of you, you're not that old. So much can change so quickly (think how your life was 2-3 years ago and how it is today??). Don't despair....

[ninah]

ha - it's when it doesn't bother you, and you are perfectly happy with your lot that they strike! beware ....
Try an admin job at a uni for talent spotting! yellow teeth, dandruff, liver spots ... mmmmm

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

[Listmaker]

Rickman it probably is easier for you to be on your own for now and you really don't have time to spread yourself even thinner! But now my dds are a bit older (7 and 5) it is much easier and I am back at work every day which makes me feel more like a person!

But I am fatter than I've ever been and am not a pretty sight in any mirror!

I'm sure you will meet someone when the time is right but for now enjoy your kids and your time with them. I am really glad now that I had all that time just me and them as we are so close now. I sometimes feel a bit guilty now because I give attention to my bf but they are fine - especially if his dds are there to paly with them. But I think it's better that they are school age when this started and so more detached from me iyswim.

[ninah]

Colin Montgomerie met his partner on school run
it's sunny here ff! well not right here in the office, with the smell of the sewage works seeping through the fanlight, but it's out there somewhere

[fairyfly]

Rickman you know men don't mind women with children if they love the woman. It is just the same as when we except everything about the men we are with.

As for ex well he couldn't destroy something if it was good. Nobody can. Mine tried to but we laughed at him.

You will get you confidence back eventually, oh it makes me so angry about men that they can do this to women, They are animals.

[fairyfly]

no the sun is definetly not shining.

I will stop all this panic and self analytical self obsessed banter. Feel better now as you have all helped me to see most women do it. I have heard enough of them.

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

[ninah]

so, we have established
that you are sane, you have no pies, bf's a good egg, sun is shining ....

[fairyfly]

My sister was just pointing out i am fine. Neither of us hide pies. My mother does though.

Rickman why do you feel your not a good catch?

Listmaker, that makes a lot of sense to me, you are absolutely right, thanks for posting that.

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[fqueenzebra]

maybe I should just find out where your sister lives and go eat all her pies....

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

[anorak]

Well I think you should trust bf ff. He seems very guileless to me. They all have the potential to be gits but you have to take some risk. I think the risk is low.

[Listmaker]

FF I'd say it was pretty normal too. I am very sane and very sensible and in control and my life is very 'sorted' and yet for ages if I got into a relationship I turned into this mad woman I didn't recognise! It used to really annoy me and I began to think that I was just not suited to relationships and that my life was so great in all other ways that I should just stop even trying to be in one and accept that it was my lot to live my life alone. I was happier with myself when I was single, never cried or got particularly stressed etc etc - exactly as you posted.

But then I met my bf 9 months ago and it's all been just so incredibly easy. He has NEVER made me cry, not once (so far) and that in itself is amazing. He's just kind and thoughtful and sweet and loves me to bits which is just amazing to me. With him I can be the person I am normally, the calm, normal me I like. If things aren't right I tell him and we talk about it, he doesn't fly off the handle so I end up apologising like I always have done in the past. It's taken some getting used to but Rickman was right - when it's the right person you don't have all that stress. It jut falls into place and my life is incredibly enhanced by having him. I always thought a relationship would be more hassle than anything else - taking time away from my dds, fitting in with someone else's social life when i could hardly be bothered going out at all! But it's all been great and I hardly even watch TV now and that was my life before and I really loved it! But I don't miss it now.

But I was single for 4.5 years and I think I needed that time to get my head together, like being on my own (I had ALWAYS had some bf or romantic interest on the go since I was about 14!!) etc. It did me the world of good. I did have flings in that time but they ended up making me feel even more than I should be on my own because it was so HARD with kids etc.

So maybe the time is not right for you, or he's not right for you. But whatever you decide to do you sound dead normal for the old me. I'm living proof that there's hope for everyone! I was a lost cause and now I'm thinking wedding dresses .

[fqueenzebra]

But your sister thinks it would be "normal" if you did?

[fairyfly]

I haven't hidden pies around the house

[fqueenzebra]

er... why did you hide the pies around the house?
Can I come eat some?
As long as they don't have any dried fruit in them to decay my teeth, you understand?

[Guess who skipped breakfast this morning....]

I think anyone with your history would have some issues with "trusting" men. Becoming emotionally attached to anyone is hard enough, but must be diabolically difficult if you've a bastard in your past.

[anorak]

[ninah]

well the pies are certainly NOT normal

[fairyfly]

My sister has just asked if i have bright red lipstick on, a green linen dress, lots of beads, no shoes on and have i made 50 apple pies and hidden them round the house


I think something has happened anorak, i think i am starting to trust a man again and cacking myself.