ok.. deep breath.. I need advice please.
Things now do good with DH for a while. Things are stressful in our lives - unemployment, money worries - and we argue.
We have two DC at infant/ junior school.
Everyone who knows DH would say he is an especially gentle, placid, easy going man. They would say he is determined too when they really know him and its about something he really wants. I don't know what they would say about me, but not those things.
He loves our children and I think he loves me.
This evening things came to a head.
There is a small level of violence but mostly he is in denial over it. The worst thing is what he does to the children. he tells them horrible things to hurt me through them. "I am so sorry that you've got such a terrible Mummy" is a common example. Tonight it was "fat cow", "bitch", "she doesn't love me" (I do) and "she makes me want to commit suicide" amongst other things I can't remember now. They also were there when he told me that he was going to take the children away from me. (they weren't even in the room where we were arguing - he called them in and then said it).
I hate it when he hurts the children like this but he has done it several times now, so its not a one-off accident.
Afterwards he is in denial .. he thinks the children have put like or no weight by what they heard, saw and had said to them. But DC1 was crying and I found both of them hiding under the covers in their beds immediately afterwards. I was just starting to try to help them when DH came in. I left him to it because if he was willing, a retraction would be more effective from him than me saying "Daddy didn't mean it". I think he did try to make it better but I know that he doesn't think it was especially harmful in the first place "unless put ideas in their heads".
WE've hardly spoken since. I went to bed at the same time as the DC, which is partly why i am awake now.
I really do not know what to do or where to turn for help. If I tell people we know in RL, it will be the end of our marriage. But my DC mean the world to me and I need to protect them. We've given them good lives so far and they are well brought up... good manners, doing well at school, nice young children. Money worries are a new thing in the family (our business failed in the recession) so we still live well although that is about to end as our savings are nearly gone. Why does DH have to try to do this to them?? He loves them too. They are the one truly good thing we have left!
I'm rambling. Please tell me.. is there a help line number I can call? Someone who can give me advice about what to do?