What do you think of this behaviour?

[WildSeahorses]

Just wondering what other MNers would make of behaviour...

Girl aged 14 is growing her hair. Her mother starts nagging her one weekend to get it trimmed because the split ends are showing. Girl says she doesn't want to cut it and lose length. Mother says that the girl's hair looks really awful and if she was her, she'd be ashamed to go to school with hair like that. FWIW the girl's hair is dry and does have split ends, but is not dirty, unbrushed or otherwise grim (i.e. nothing to actually be "ashamed" of although it is certainly in need of tidying up). Mother carries on in this vein until girl is in tears, saying she can't possibly go back to school looking so dreadful and asks her mum to trim it (after mother refuses to call the hairdresser to see if she can get an appointment for that day). Mother agrees and starts cutting. Mother keeps saying that she can't get the hair level because girl is moving around too much and not sitting with her shoulders level. Mother has cut about 4 inches off at this stage. By this point girl is crying and asking mother to stop. Mother shouts at girl until girl is too scared to get up from chair. Mother proceeds to cut another 5/6 inches off, carrying on the process of cutting off a bit of hair and then moving girl's shoulders then saying it doesn't look level and proceeding to cut off more hair. By this point girl can only just tuck her hair behind her ears. Girl becomes hysterical and mother eventually stops.

I know what I think of this, but am wondering whether others would concur - please share your thoughts...

Mother is bang out of order, poor girl

i would think the mum lost the plot a bit

yikes bit much TBH

That is awful

Is that a real scenario?

That's quite sad actually!

not what my mum would have done by a million miles, and i would never dream of doing that.

are you trying to make sense of your childhood and work out if what you experienced was normal?

Clearly it is horribly controlling and abusive behaviour. Exactly the kind of thing my Mum would have done actually. I once trimmed my own hair, yes MY hair at aged 14 and she went crazy and cut my entire fringe off. Imagine how good I looked?

I know what my Mum was like in other ways too, extrememly physically and emotionally abusive. Is that the case here too?

Did this happen to you Wildseahorses? or someone you know?

My god. Mother was totally wrong. And a little abusive too, imo. certainly controlling.

Yes, it's a real scenario. I actually thought it was quite abusive behaviour (especially in light of the fact that the mother doesn't like the girl having long hair - sorry, should have mentioned that in the OP). Was wondering whether I was being a bit OTT in classifying it as such and wanted to see what other people made of it.

That's one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard! Were you there when it happened? could you not have stepped in?

This is abusive, bullying behaviour on the part of the mother, and probably symptomatic of an abusive, bullying relationship.
I would also suggest it might have something to do with the whole mother-daughter rivalry, the mother perhaps being jealous of the daughter's percieved good looks?

It's abusive not just because it's a disfiguring of the victim (which it is, although a mild and temporary one), it's the bullying the victim into compliance and the continuing despite protests, with verbal abuse... This is vile behaviour, not just a temporary loss of temper (which would have probably involved a botched haircut, abject apology and paying for the DD to go to the hairdresser and have it at least nicely styled).

SGB - totally agree that it it disfiguring. I think that people have been successfully prosecuted for assault when they have cut someone's hair without consent (I remember reading in the paper about a case where someone cut off the OW's ponytail - I think they were found guilty).

Definitely abusive I reckon, and probably motivated by jealousy.

What a sad story, it's made me quite upset.

Has this happened recently? What happened after that?

OP, to me this is a form of bullying and it is something that I experienced as a 14 year old as well. I couldn't believe how similar the story in your post was to my experience.

In my case, my mother had said goodnight to me when I was in bed but noticed that my hair was damp and because I made a habit of not drying my hair properly on most nights, she insisted on getting it cut short right there and then. I had it long for about 4 years. I too cried when my mother cut my hair, not because it looked too awful but because it was forced on me and if I protested, she'd shout at me. I was in tears for the next 24 hours and also at school for the whole day. I felt a bit like Samson from the old testament.

You are not wrong about it being abusive behaviour. I assume this is an aquaintance of yours? What could you do?

Rebecca, what happened after is also quite sad. Girl has v curly hair, so it looked a bit odd after the cutting session. She asked her mother if she could have some hair straighteners so her hair would look tidier (and longer). Her mother wouldn't allow that (on the basis that straighteners damage hair - was a bit at that given the damage that had been inflicted by the mother wielding a pair of scissors).

Oh yes just remembered this one too, another hair related incident from SteelFairy's Mum. I had long hair when I was 7 had been growing it since a baby and could sit on it. We were living in Cyprus and she decided that it was too hot to have it long like that. My Dad disagreed so she took a pair of kitchen scissors and just cut my plait off in a fury.

Thats a nice memory too.

eatsshootsleaves sorry to hear you've experienced similar. How much hair did your mum take off?

I think what makes it worse (in both cases) is the fact that the mother essentially blamed the girl for the cutting session (for having split ends/wet hair). Basically, the inference is that it was the girl's own fault and if she'd just been "good" she would have kept her hair.

thesteelfairy what on earth did your dad say to that?

Horrible behaviour - is there some hint of jealousy behind it?

My hair was slightly above waist length and she'd cut it to lip length.

I don't like thinking about my childhood relationship with my mother for a variety of reasons. I believed that my mother was emotionally abusive but did not mention it to anyone as she use to justify her corporal punishment as discipline and that it hurt her more than it hurt me when I suggested that it was a form of abuse.

eatsshootsleaves your mother sounds awful. Can't believe people try to justify that kind of behaviour (I suppose they have to - it must be far easier for them to blame a child than to accept they've behaved abusively)

What a cow!!!! I cut my daughter's hair because she wants me to. And if she didn't want me too I wouldn't touch her. She's 13 BTW. Let me tell you it isn't that difficult. Make sure it's towel dried and combed through, then with very sharp hairdressing scissors cut a level line slowly and accurately from one side to the other. Job's a good'un!

Hacking at it until the kid is traumatised and at the length the mother wants is abusive.