My dh is having a terrible time at work and wants to quit.

[runragged]

Ok I will try no to waffle and stick to the point, my notes are a whole jotter full so I will summarise.

DH is having a terrible time at work, he knows that his boss hates him, she gave him a totally unfounded Final written warning in October and in January she told him there had been other talk of dismissing him. She expects all of her staff to work minimum 10 hours a day, come into work on days off and take paperwork home. Snidy remarks (again totally unfounded) have been made about a supposed affair between dh and previous boss. This has been quite upsetting for him and he hasn't discussed it with me until recently. The final straw came last week when after working about 100 hours in 10 days including several 24 hour stints he took the next day off, but because it was a week day she called him up and told him he couldn't have the day off, that everything that he had been sorting was his fault etc etc.

He has decided that he wants to quit and frankly I don't blame him but how do I get through to him that he doesn't have that luxery? She persecuted him last year until he came down with depression and I can see it all happennig again. I got him to see a solicitor who said that he must take out a grievance against this woman before going for constructive dimissal but he hates conflict. He has got a doctors appointment on tuesday, I know that he is becoming ill again but even though he has suffered before he doesn't see it as a proper illness. He thinks if he just gets out of there he will feel better but we / he will be faced with many more problems. He is already drinking / smoking rediculous amounts, even poors a drink before he takes a call from work.

Sorry to waffle, how can I get him to see that he must go to the doctor and tell him how he feels and find out if he is becoming depressed again? How can I stop him resigning on monday? How can I get him to take out this grievance?

I want him to go to his meeting and then go to the doctor and get signed off so that he can have some breathing space and hand back his bloody mobile. Please someone give me some advice.

well done runragged, that must be an enormous weight and stress off both of your minds. I'm glad you got a result you are happy with. Now you can concentrate on relaxing for a while and building up your dh's confidence - what a horrible situation he was dealing with.

sis - I've got no idea if I am who you think I am - intriguing! but used to be wiltshirelass if that helps - changed my name as was told it was too boring and rural by other mumsnetters. so I moved upmarket!

Great news runragged! Good luck to your dh for the interview on Tuesday and hope you all have a great breat at your parents.

My mistake princesspeahead, I thought you were the mumsnetter formally known as meanmum - I was talking rubbish as usual!

no, I'm definately not meanmum! has she changed her name/gone anywhere? I'm sure I've seen her around recently.
calls "Meanmum! Where are yoooooou?"

Well, the interview yesterday was "okay" but wont hear until end of next week but will be away so have neighbour opening post! Also dh has another interview when we get back so that' all good news.

On the bad side his company is still trying to screw him around. He took in his resignation on monday which he was going to exchange for the offer and they said his letter wasn't good enough and rewrote it - which he signed!!! You can imagine that I nearly had a fit. I finally after much argument got him to take in another more acceptable letter to superseed it. (They one they wrote refered to his "nerves" also doidn't mention a reference etc, and the grammmer... ) Don't they know anything? You CANNOT rewrite a resignation letter for someone! They have also decided to tax his money which is really petty. However I promised him that if he took in this new resignation I would drop the subject as at least I have phrased it so that when he feels up to it if he wants to take it further he can.

Off to Cornwall tomorrow - can't wait, pray for sun!!

Oh my god, they rewrote his resignation letter! That's outrageous and so controlling. Thank goodness he's going. Good luck with the interviews.

Well it has been a month, I have been meaning to update you all but have been waiting for things to settle down. DH didn't get any of the jobs that he went for, got down to the wire on a few but no joy. Anyway, we talked about it and I have signed up to train as a driving instructor, and he is going to stay at home for a few years! We'll have to see how that goes.

His company were absolute s**ts in the end, we (I) had to battle for everything. DH just wanted to put his head in the sand but some things you can't ignore. By some very creative accounting they managed to short pay him by a £1700. He just shrugged his shoulders and said to leave it but I couldn't. I fired off a very eloquent letter (that I was very proud off, not accusing etc) and got the cheque. I had to explain to dh that it was HIS money and they were just playing silly beggars with him. Anyway, have now got money - hurray DH was pleased after all that.

The reference is a joke, just dates of working etc and he was promised a "great" reference. And they have his reason for leaving as "ill health". The next thing on my list is to get that changed!

Anyway he is finally out of there and he is a different person, so much nicer to be around. I can't believe that he has been off work for 5 weeks and I haven't killed him! Before after a weeks holiday I was begging him to go back to work!

AND we had the BEST holiday in cornwall, fantastic weather, the kids were great and we just chilled - and drank lots of beer!!

glad you had a good time in Cornwall, when do you start your training???? Glad the b*s gave you the money that was rightly due. My sister had to get a letter from her trade union to get her holiday pay.

First day wednesday, it will take about four months.

yay for u!!! my ex is having a right old time with his emplyers atm. he has been off work since last april when he fell ill with a heart condition. one year on his work are still trying to suggest he is faking it, even went so far as to say his doc said there is nothing wrong with him, never mind that if his heart doesnt improve in the next year then they are seriously going to consider a heart transplant. he cant do his old job anymore as it was very physical, and his work havent offered him any alturnitive, we think they are just gonna harress him as much as possible to try and get him to pack his job in. his just gonna wait and see how long it will take them to offer him redunancy, they cant really sack we dont think, so its a battle of wills atm with them.

misdee, poor you, it's a nightmare isn't it and the work thing just adds extra stress. They can't sack him unless they send him to an independant GP and prove that he is faking it. Also, they can't really make him redundant I don't think unless they really are making redundancies and they assess him properly (ie don't take into consideration that he is sick) but if they are making redundancies he can go for volentary.
Does your dh belong to a union? Mine didn't so it was really difficult to get proper advice. A lot of solicitors do the first consultation for free so it might be worth visiting one.

he has spoken to the CAB, not too sure what advise they have given him, have advised myself to see a solisitor, as what they are doing by insisting on home visits amounts in my eyes to harressment. i dont think he can fake dilated cardiomyopathy, not unless he can fiddle with scans, ecg's, holter monitors, and exercise tests.
his work are gonna find it hard to get rid of him, belive me!!

Definately think "home visits" are out of order. Depending on what reason they give he should have the opportunity of a third person (work collegue/union rep/soliciter) to be present. If your dh is resistant to a solicitor then you could go yourself to one whose first appointment is free just for some basic advice. Stress would make his problem worse wouldn't it? They have an obligation to do as much as they can to help him back to work. (Didn't work in my dh's case though)

he had to have a goverment medical at the beginning of the year which said he couldnt work for a minimum of 2years really, his specialist saus he shouldnt go back to his job unless they move him onto a desk job which has been mentioned to his emplyers, but they want him back lugging crates of bear around, which is definate no-no. he does want to go back to work, says he is getting bored and incapicity benefit is quite low pay, but if he does, then he will then have to pay his rent (atm is getting housing benefit) and also will have spend around £70 a month on his medication, and considering his job isnt that well paid, he doesnt know what to do really. its the benefit trap i guess.