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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've cheated and feel really guilty!!!!

28 replies

returningstress · 28/02/2010 23:17

I was out last night and got very very drunk. I have been seeing a new guy for a couple of months and I cheated on him with a random guy I met in the club.

I feel discusted in myself. But what makes it worse is that my friends boyfriend knows about it and said he will not tell the guy I'm seeing but he thinks I should tell him.

I really do not feel I can tell him. But there is a possibilty he could find out as other people in the club could have seen me with the random guy. And I am worried they could tell him....

Please give advice, and go easy on me as I feel terrible.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/02/2010 23:20

am not sure what you want people to say

you reap what you sow...

stop drinking ?

I dunno

this is for you to sort out, tbh

mumhadenough · 28/02/2010 23:20

You need to tell him if there's a chance he'll find out anyway. Much better to come from you than from your friends boyfriend.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 28/02/2010 23:26

deny deny deny

Who's he going to believe, you or this friend's boyfriend? Chalk it up to experience and don't get off with strangers in clubs (while you're in a relationship)

Original poster
returningstress · 28/02/2010 23:31

anyfucker - cheers, I just wanted some advice as feel terrible about it all...

brahms - I normally do not go off with random people even if I am single, its not the type of thing I normally do... And I defintly will not do it again!!!

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 28/02/2010 23:32

Hmm. Sorry if this is harsh - but I think you need to grow up.

If he's a new man, what does it matter? Have you committed to each other? If you have, then stop screwing around. If you haven't, then what's the problem - unless you like the drama?

AnyFucker · 28/02/2010 23:33

you are welcome

Robsia · 28/02/2010 23:41

Afraid I have little to no sympathy to anyone who has cheated - alcohol or no.

Do you love him? Do you think you deserve forgiveness?

Put on your big girl pants, tell the truth and take the consequences.

Mumcentreplus · 28/02/2010 23:41

returning are you happy with this guy? do you love him?...what is he like?..sometimes people sabotage their own relationships..is there any reason why you would?..you dont need to admit your fling..but you need to admit to him how you really feel about him...

Original poster
returningstress · 28/02/2010 23:44

he is a new man, and yes we have recently decided we are properly together, but that was within the last couple of weeks.... I wont do it again!!!

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 28/02/2010 23:47

do you think it was a last fling of freedom or something?..

MrsSawdust · 28/02/2010 23:47

If your boyfriend means anything to you, you should fess up before someone else tells him. This is the only way you'll have any chance of saving your relationship.

Mumcentreplus · 28/02/2010 23:54

it would be easier to speak to him about your fling while your relationship is new and hope he can forgive you...

thesecondcoming · 28/02/2010 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EcoMouse · 01/03/2010 09:04

Tell him or leave him.

It doesn't bode well just weeks into committing to each other, does it?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 09:08

You clearly dont love your boyfriend very much, so be honest and break up with him. Because if you DID have fealings for your new man, no way would you have shagged a random stranger.

Unless this is what you usually do.

No sympathy from me. Shagging is not something that suddenly just happened. It takes a while, plenty of opportunity to stop and think "oups, I shouldnt be doing this, I have a boyfriend already". Or something like that.

thesecondcoming · 01/03/2010 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 09:27

I wish shagging just happened (on a more regular basis at least for me. (preferably with my husband))

What I meant is that shagging just does not happen all of a sudden such as dropping a cup on the floor.

Oups, I appear to have dropped a cup, it broke, damn.

Oups, I appear to have shagged.

thesecondcoming · 01/03/2010 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 01/03/2010 09:48

It's a different species, honestly. Possibly a different universe.

wanders off shaking head

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 09:50

I am not going to waste any more time trying to ascertain my distinction of what develops over time (during an evening) and can be stopped at any time if you want to, and what happens all of a sudden as a big surprise.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/03/2010 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EcoMouse · 01/03/2010 09:55

Each consenting participant always has freedom of choice and so responsibility!

thesecondcoming · 01/03/2010 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seabright · 01/03/2010 10:23

OP - what would you want/expect him to do if he was the one in your position?

If you'd want to know or want him to tell you then you should do the same IMHO.

It's going to be crap, whatever, so good luck.

purplepeony · 01/03/2010 11:57

either you are in an agreed monogamous relationship with your boyfriend of 2 months or you aren't. Have you discussed this before this incident? * weeks is not really long enogh to have a "relationship" IMO.

If you are, then maybe you just need to put this down to experience, deny it all and hope he believes you, then just live with your guilt.

Hope you had safe sex BTW. If not, get checked out.

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