Need to get this off my chest

[NeedaScream]

Not really something I can or want to talk about it RL.

It is probably going to sound worse than it actually was but it is upsetting me and I need to move on, just hoping that writing it down anon will help me really. I am a regular but name changed for this.

A couple of days ago, DH and I were messing around, he got rather horny (I didn't), he tried to go further but I wasn't interested. I thought I'd made it clear but obviously not clear enough, he carried on but after a few seconds realised what he'd done was wrong, stopped and apologised. He still apologising and said that he's ashamed, offered to sleep on the sofa. I've told him I know he's sorry but that he's hurt me and scared me and I need time, he's said to take as long as I need but now I think he;s scared to come near me as he doesn' want to upset me.

I just don;t know how to move on. Its totally out of character, he's not done it before and is genuinely sorry and upset but its scary knowing that there was nothing I could have done to stop him if he wanted to carry on, I felt completely helpless for that couple of seconds.

Intercoursethepenguin is another troll, like iliveonbenefits, who has been trolling around the boards posting dumbass, rude or ignorant trollery. Needascream, ignore it.

I think husbandnet makes a good point from the blokes perspective. DH is virtually deaf when "preoccupied" unless you attract his attention so you DH might not have got the message straight away.
However, that doesn't alter the fact that your boundaries were crossed and that is scary whether or not it is accidental. I have had a similar problem with DH in the past. I had a very objective discussion with DH along the lines of "when this happened...I felt xxx and so from now on if I say no it is always serious and I always mean it and don't carry on or try to pursuade me otherwise."
DH did sleep on the sofa for about 2 weeks and I gradually reintroduced intimacy as I felt comfortable e.g. hand holding, kissing etc.
I did make it very clear to DH that I was the one whose feelings had been hurt and that it was not my responsibility to make him feel better.
For me it was important to reestablish the boundary so DH and I completely understood each other. I then had to take a bit of a chance on DH (which after 12 yrs together wasn't a big gamble IYSWIM) and trust him to respect this boundary which he has done.

needascream, no, I did not mean that you should sleep in separate beds. Your OP did not make it clear what sort of 'messing around' you meant and I interpreted it as play fighting. If that was incorrect, then I apologise. My comments were intended to mean that if you were play fighting, it would be easy for one partner to assume that 'no', is still part of the 'game' and actually means ' carry on'. In those circumstances, I felt that if someone did not want things to progress, it would be safer not to engage in that type of play fighting.Again, I clearly misinterpreted what you were doing so I apologise.

Thanks Sayithowitis, I do realise that my OP wasn't all that clear, however I have explained why several times now, but I do appreciate you coming back and apolosing.

Anyway, update. We had a good long chat on Thursday (1st chance I've had to get on here), I told him that I realised he was upset etc but I couldn;t make it better for him. I explained that his timing of his phone call on Tuesday was shit and I spent the rest of the day at work and absolute mess and couldn;t tell anyone why. I asked him why he carried on when I'd said no and told him that I felt like shit as he hadn;t come near me since for a hug.

He then did most of the talking. Apologising for what he did, he thought he's stopped straight away, is devestated that he didn't (didn't hear me or misunderstood) has said that its up tome whenever I'm ready and he won;t do that kind of messing around again (I'm sure he will in the future as thats part of it all, but I believe that he will take much more notice of me). He was really scared that he's fucked everything up (ie marriage) but I've assured him he hasn't.

So anyway everythings good (as good as it can be at the moment) he's off for a run now - think he'll be doing a lot of that to get rid of any excess energy!

So I am know drawing a line under it all and have to move on which I now feel able to do. I think him being away for a couple of days did help, it was horrible bringing it up, but it had to be done.

I'd like to thank everyone for their supportive comments, you really did help and it was good to hear a mans perspective too.

Glad you feel a bit better about it now, did he come through with the whole looking after you bit?

Concerned about this though: "has said that its up tome whenever I'm ready and he won;t do that kind of messing around again (I'm sure he will in the future as thats part of it all, but I believe that he will take much more notice of me)." - what does this mean?