I'm in IL hell
It's so f**ked up I can't even get it typed out without going round in circles but the gist of it is I've been living a nightmare for the past two years and today I'm as close to breaking point as is gets.
They hate me. They can't see past the fat, stressed out, juggling mum and assume because I don't have time for weekly facials and hair appointments and new clothes, cook a homecooked meal everyday and pop out perfect little heirs to the throne they think they occupy that I'm just a waste of space that they smuggly look down their noses at just to keep the baby son happy because 'god love him, he doesn't realise he's made an awful mistake'.
I brought a dd from a previous relationship into this relationship and moved her from her own family to live in a new house built on their land and while dh loves her and has treated her like his own since the beginning she is treated, by them, very different than the natural children and it's breaking my heart. All she wanted was to be the same, to have the same name and fit in, she's 9 ffs but she can see through the same crap I can and it's turning into a daily trauma just to live here. She fights with the other grandchildren and all the IL's think it's my dd who's the problem. There's so much more, I'm just rambling now.......I can't think straight, I'm so f*king hurt that they could treat my dd like that. I don't care what they think of me because I know and accept why I am the way I am and though I have been lazy with exercise and the like I think I've done very well over the last two years to just be alive today so f*k being fat, it's the least of my worries.
It all came to a head last week. We both work shift and MIL looked after dd at night if needed so that was the plan last week only when I got to the house the rest of them were there and it made dd uncomfortable because she knew she was outnumbered not only by the grandchildren but by adults who always took there side if there was fighting over toys, tv whatever so I took dd back to the house and said I would bring her back in a half hour. I didn't say why but said dd wanted to spend the rest of the evening with me as she wouldn't be seeing me until after school the next day. I didn't think I was in any way rude but concede I may not haven hidden my stress very well and come across a little abrupt.
Dh gets a call later to say I was rude. So that was the beginning of the end for me. I have never been anything but polite, I have corrected dd for things that the others were allowed to do because I knew a blind eye was turned to the precious ones and anything dd did was noted and the topic of another backstabbing orgy over morning tea the following day, I have made myself available for shopping, minding babies, helping in any way I can just to be accepted but it's all been taken for granted while the back was torn off me behind closed doors.
Sil is too stupid to realise from the comfort of her recent alliance that she's on the receiving end of MIL's bitchfest most of the time but MIL turns on the 'sweet' and makes dinner, babysits and generally makes herself indisposable on a daily basis that SIL can but use her and so it goes on and on and on and on..........
I thought I might feel better having a rant but I don't I just feel angry, upset and most of all I feel like I've let dd down by bringing her into a situation like this.
I've told dh I'll leave. I love him with all my heart but I cannot live with his family (we live right beside MIL and BIL&SIL) and despite the fact that I know I'm not in the wrong I feel like I'm the one causing all the problems because I'm an overprotective mother or a drma queen who won't bend over and take it up the ass any longer from these pretentious and hurtful people. I've told him they can have him back because that's what they want, us gone, him with someone 'mouldable' but he says he loves us and wants us to stay a family but I don't know how to get passed all this.
They didn't come to visit when I lost a baby last year and they didn't ring the day we got married. We had planned a big wedding but had to cancel everything when I got pregnant and when we lost the baby we decided not to plan anything big again just incase we were lucky enuft to conceive again so we married in a registry office and invited nobody. We did that because our families are so big we were bound to hurt someones feelings by inviting a select few and we also didn't have much money because we thought we might be going for IVF but that was seen as a shun from me and I've never been forgiven or accepted as DH wife just a thing that will eventually go away.
I own my home that I left when I came here and it's vacant at the minute so I could go back but it would mean uprooting dd again and she's only just settled into this new house and has friends over. I told her this was her 'forever home' after 9 years of house and county hopping and it would break her heart and possibly affect her to adulthood with another tramatic uproot, back to her old school.
I don't know what I expect anyone to say really I just havn't got many RL friends here that I can talk to.