Do you feel envious at friends good fortune....

[Germangirl]

Hi
this sounds horrible and I wish I didn't feel this way but I find that whenever a friend tells me their good news about a job promotion or holiday etc I am genuinely pleased for them but still feel a little envy. I don't understand why because I'm very fortunate to have lovely family, friends, house, financial security etc. Does anyone else feel this wAy or am I just warped?
Be honest now.

I feel like this too. It is very annoying, because sometimes it's things I wouldn't even want! I just hope it doesn't show.

No. Not at all. But that is because I am lucky to be alive anyway as I nearly wasn't a while back. Perhaps a life-threatening experience changes one? I wouldn't worry about it though. Envy is a very human trait and can be a useful spur to push one onto better things in life! You are obviously aware of your blessings which is the main thing imo

Everything in moderation though - including envy

It's no harm to feel a twinge of envy if someone mentions they are off to the Maldives or just got a massive bonus but in general I do not envy other people as I try very hard to count my own blessings.

I think I am lucky to be healthy (because the likelihood is that one day I won't be)and lucky that my family are healthy (you never knwo what's around the corner) that I managed to get pregnant at 40 on the first attempt and that my DS 18mo survived a traumatic birth intact and is so beautiful. Compared to that no one else really has anything that great IMO.

Also you never know what else is going on in a person's life - my sister earns many times more than I do and gets huge bonuses but she is constantly stressed from work and tired and there is no let up in the competitive atmosphere in her work place.

I also remind myself that these years will be looked back on as the best of my life so I really really want to appreciate them while I am living them.

Having said all that I really really envy those lucky fuckers who can eat and not get fat!!

I hate envy all thin people!!

Not really. There are few people I envy. I think I envy people with fabulous creative talents.

I know plenty of people with much more money that me who have huge houses and that is one thing I really do not envy - I absolutely hate having people in my personal space and would hate to have such a large house/apartment that I had to have live-in or all day staff.

Having said that, I would like a bit more space - but just a bit!

I don't think I do envy others. Sometimes I may want what they have (longer legs, prettier smile, doting husband) but do not feel jealousy towards them as such. I just think 'That would be nice'. Is that envy?

grumpyold horsewoman, I feel the same as you, i do not envy anyone for what they have, am pleased for them...

"Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies."

A frank and reassuringly honest quote from Gore Vidal! Many of us could own up to feeling something similar... The older I get though, I see evidence of that old maxim that to whom much is given, much is expected. You may appear to gain in life, but there is usually a price to pay.

I'll admit it. I feel it quite badly and it hurts. I will feel absolutely delighted for their good fortune and then feel sick with envy. However, before you all think I am evil, I am convinced it is all to do with poor self confidence. I will never be good enough in my eyes, never be thin enough, rich enough, successful enough, good enough mother etc etc. Therefore when I see people around me succeed it emphasises my failure. The envy is not to do with them having it - it is about me being so crap that I cant. I never ever feel good enough and everybody around me is so good or successful at something.

Sunflowers - I have become very aware of that fact over the past year (To whom much is given, much is expected). I do thank my lucky stars for what DH and I have achieved, even though it has cost us in other ways. I would rather be happy than have everything my heart desired. I measure my happiness differently now I'm older and have done quite alot of things I had wanted to do. I've seen covetousness make people abjectly miserable and permanently dissatisfied.

frogetyfrog - that's a very sad post - and just goes to show how very honest and insightful you are! See, you are very good at something - now just go and put it to good use!

Thankyou Bonsoir - you are right, I am truthful and an honest person. So that is something. I sound a miserable old bag, but I am not really. I accepted my uselessness long ago!!! Must dash off to shops or we wont eat tonight!!

Well, right now I have four friends who have produced babies in the last two months and one dear friend within weeks of giving birth, and I am in the process of miscarrying for the second time in three months.

I am quite of all those people and upset about the number of congratulations cards and little presents I've sent out while worrying and grieving.

I wouldn't take any of their happiness or their babies away from them, you know? I just want what they have.

I can honestly say that I have never felt envious of any of my friends good fortune. T
The main reason is that they are my friends aand I want nothing but good for them because they are good people. Secndly every one of them has had a lot of bad stuff in their lives (DV, cancer etc) therefore when something good happens I want to put it in the 'Wigan Courier' and let everyone know.

Everyone has some bad fourtune and some good fourtune so why feel envy. I taake the view that I am greatful for the good stuff I've got and try to eliminate the bad.

Blimey frogety..... I'm not sure what to say to that. I am sorry you are so unhappy and feel so bad.

Frogety I often feel like that.

I hadn't realised it was down to low self-confidence but you are right (see, you are insightful).

I don't really feel envious of material things or job success etc. but I am v. jealous of other people's marriages, it just seems they manage what I cannot (ie being happy together and with what you've got)

Jamaisjedors - I do think it is down to low self confidence in the majority of people. I think very few of us are so nasty that we simply feel envious for the sake of envy. I think it is much more deep rooted than that as we are pleased for the person with the good fortune and would not ever want it taken away.

Still frazzled - sorry for your situation. You have every right to feel as you do. I sincerely hope that you get what they have you poor thing.

stillfrazzled - been there, and it's rotten. I hope you get your healthy baby soon.

frogety, I think you've been quite perceptive there. fwiw, you sound lovely!

I'm lucky - I have good self confidence and a very happy life. The two combine to make me not very envious of anyone. I think it's cool that other people have talents I don't, but like my life and who I am sufficiently that I don't covet those talents.

I will definitely hold my hand up to post-loss awful, awful baby/pregnancy envy. Luckily, dd and ds arrived safe and sound eventually, but I did wonder, when pregnant with them, whether some other poor soul was looking at me with sadness and envy.

Tis normal to feel a tad jealous of different things throughout your life.

Only a perfect person would never be jealous. And there is no such thing as a perfect person.

I have one friend who I always used to feel quite of - until I realised that actually I wouldn't want to be her and have her life, it would be exhausting. It may have also coincided with me doing lots of "personal" work and improving my own self-esteem (thanks frogety for your insights!) and since then a lot of things have happened to her that I am in no way of.

Now I think I only have twinges when it's someone I don't particularly like - I end up thinking "why them and not me?"

I will admit to feeling twinges of envy on occasion at a friend's promotion or fabulous holiday. Not material things like clothes/ new cars/ houses though.

I think the twinges of envy are more like pangs of dissatisfaction with aspects of my own life - eg. boring job, never got round to exotic holidays etc. It doesn't stop me feeling happy for my friends at the same time though which I think is the important thing.

stillfrazzled - the worst envy/ jealousy I ever felt was when TTC, I couldn't even look at pregnant people in the street. I think that is completely different from normal feeling of envy - it's some kind of primal instinct that women feel (if that makes any sense!). I hated it, didn't feel like myself.

Yes, I feel massive bitter envy everytime a friend announces a pregnancy.

I am envious of people who are satisfied with their lot (whatever size it might be) and have good friends and family. That has always been my desire

Having come from a very aspirational and successful family, the trip to the Maldives does not make me envious, but the family on a camping trip with their friends happy in each others company. That is my aspiration and somehow I seem to fall short of it

I can't help feeling envious of people with fantastic houses - hoidays, cars etc. don't worry me at all but have always craved a fab house with acres of land. Not at all sure why but if I vist such a house I do feel the envy creeping in which makes me feel really disatisfied. I even felt this way at primarly school when I used to vist friend's houses - hasn't ever left me for some reason. I like this post and Moid wise words about people being satisfied with their lot etc. I would love to be like that.

Sorry, I like this thread - not my post iyswim

i remember learning years ago the difference between envy and jealousy - envy is wanting what someone else has, jealousy is wanting what they have and ALSO NOT WANTING THEM TO have it either! envy is fine in moderation, surely it makes us strive for more.. but jealousy -not good.