if you hated smoking would you date a smoker

[sparkybint]

I've got a first date tomorrow with a guy who smokes. Met him online and overlooked in his profile that he smoked and only noticed after we'd established a really nice email/phone thing. He told me he'd been to his GP about giving up and been referred to a cessation clinic, so I thought I'd give him a chance.

Smoking is usually an area of zero tolerance for me and the thought of kissing a smoker disgusts me. If we hit if off, do I make it plain to him that I can't bear smoking and it's a real turn-off (I'd choose my words carefully of course!). I'm concerned that if he tries to kiss me I'll just recoil so maybe I should say something before that possibility arises. Or I suppose I could say let's reschedule our date for when you've given up!

I can't be arsed to do a search to see what other neurosis Sparky may or may not have - but from this thread it doesn't sound like she has given him an ultimatum or anything - just got to know him, thought she liked the sound of him and arranged to meet - then noticed he is a smoker, he said he'd been to his GP & been referred to a cessation clinic (not sure if this was before or after she mentioned it), he chose to do this, she didn't force him - he could have just said 'Oh that's a shame' NEXT! but he didn't, so, for now, they can both just see how it goes can't they?

For those of you saying she's being too pushy/looking too far ahead/putting too much pressure on him etc - what exactly is wrong with saying that, for you, 'something' is a deal breaker? Whether that's smoking/drinking/doing drugs (other than the legal ones )/porn or just knitting? We all make 'choices' based on all kinds of things - surely this choice is up to her to make, she has, she told him and now he is choosing to (at least try) to change that one thing...

never mind, grace

johnny is intent on seeing derring-do

i was less anti-smoking whilst younger - and my DH gave up back in...2005! we were together then, and i hadn't made any big deal of it - he just felt it was time.

i think it is different when you have kids though - it would really bother me to have someone smelling of smoke near my pregnant self & babies, really not compatible wih the sort of life i lead (ie much less drink & drugs, more children & dogs).
also i think the olde a bloke is and he longer hey've been smoking, the less realistic it is to imagine they'll quit. It is a real addiction.

no I wouldn't because i couldn't expect to change him and I couldn't have an intimate relationship with a smoker

not read rest of thread but going by title, no.

If person was a smoker it would veto the relationship straight away as I cannot stand the smell.

personally - no i wouldn't.

and i kinda of agree with some of the other posters - think it would be better for you to have a break from dating for a little while, find out what it is you want and what makes you happy......you know you don't need a man to do that x

AF & SB - let's hope the derring does [nudge, nudge]

Not at all- I am not stirring things up or looking for ANYTHING, just giving my opinion.

Thank you to my virtual date-radar
enhancers, you know who you are.

I smoke like a trooper. It's not illegal. It's not good for you but it's not a flippin crime.

When I look at male dating profiles and see 'athletic' as body status and 'keeping fit/going to the gym/mnountain biking' etc as their interests I

am just not interested. Much rather they preferred a pint in the pub, a casual fag maybe and the ability to talk about something interesting. Smoking is optional.

OTOH if he turned up on a mountain bike I wouldn't say 'you are disgusting. I am coming nowhere your stinky armpits or skinny horrid bikers thighs you fitness freakoid.'

UA: I probably would say that actually, at least if he DID have stinky armpits. And it is a rare bum indeed that doesn't look slightly ludicrous in lycra.

No wonder we're both single!

Tbh it would be a no go for me

UA & Annie - I think we should start a regular meet-up at a pub with heaters in the garden! You can't come, Sparky ... we stink

Grace I am very glad they banned smoking in pubs though. Because pubs are my other love (nice pubs not drinking dens!) and the ban means that I can now take lovely ds .... then leave him with friends while I nip out for a smoke and that gives me a good ten minute break!!

Every cloud eh?

Oi, I don't stink; I've never smoked in my life, I don't have a mountain bike and I do take showers! If you want to have a drink with somebody smelly, allow me to introduce you to XH. He smokes in small enclosed spaces and believes washing is a waste of water and electricity.

I don't mind sitting outside with smoking people though. While your mouths are occupied with deathsticks I can monopolise the conversation!

and she will you know

so how did the date go, sparky ?