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Original poster

Poll does jealousy ever have a place in a healthy relationship? & 'jealousy test'

48 replies

electra · 22/02/2010 11:03

I think no.

I would be interested to hear what you all think about this. For me, jealousy is destructive and I agree with what is said about it in Othello; 'the monster that mocks the meat it feeds on'

I found this;

Jealousy Test

I scored only 3%.......but this left me thinking - is that too low and does it mean I am detached?

OP posts:
cheatedon · 22/02/2010 11:13

I scored 28%...what a good test! My (nearly X)H was never jealous and looking back it has really bothered me, not the lack of raging jealousy, that is destructive, but in as much as seeming not bothered! I realise now (after alot of insight) that it was more to do with his low esteem and he has always therefore been detached.

Malificence · 22/02/2010 11:19

I scored 32%, which apparently is within the normal and healthy range.

A twinge of jealousy once in a while shows you still care, imho.

Rindercella · 22/02/2010 11:20

I scored 13%. The thing is, the questions posed really didn't bother me - I mean, what would be the point of being jealous about a dream DH had?! I dreamt I shagged Ant & Dec at the same time - doesn't mean I am planning to do that in real life!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/02/2010 11:22

that was interesting i scored 13

slug · 22/02/2010 11:24

There were no answers in there that mirrored real life e.g. "I would tease him mercilessly about women flirting with him"

mumof2teenboys · 22/02/2010 11:25

I scored 0% Not sure if that means I am totally secure or just don't care

I've never felt jealous ever. It just seems like such a destructive emotion to me.

AnyFucker · 22/02/2010 11:49

I scored 17

and the description given of that mark sums me up completely (and backs up everything I ever say on here)

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/02/2010 11:57

I wanted a 'take the piss' answer too - especially about the flirting and the dream! I got 7....I can't bear jealousy, truly.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/02/2010 11:57

you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact.

Hehehehehehehe

EcoMouse · 22/02/2010 12:08

22 here.

It would have been less pre x's affair, I'm aware of what circumstances I'd now find difficult.

As to whether jealousy has a place in healthy relationships?

I think the crux is the difference between feeling and experiencing jealousy (natural to an extent) and displaying control over a partner to reduce perceived risk.

Mumcentreplus · 22/02/2010 12:14

Another pisstaker here! I scored 8 he would hate it everytime I saw that actress hahaha...I think you should have a smidge of jealousy because your partner is important to you and adore him (hopefully), his affection is important and vice versa...destructive jealousy is something different entirely.

I'm too laid back for all the bunny boiling business..

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/02/2010 12:19

I scored 28 - and I know that I would have scored much less before my H's affair. However, even though I think these tests are a bit daft and narrow in scope, it felt good to have confirmation that I've emerged within "normal ranges" and the analysis confirms what I've always believed - I would cope, as my marriage isn't the only thing that defines me as a person.

In answer to OP's question, I'd say somewhere a fair distance between complacency and jealousy is a good place to be.

NorthernSky · 22/02/2010 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BalloonSlayer · 22/02/2010 13:32

I scored 29 but felt that the answers I wanted to give weren't there. Eg after the flirting at the party one I would have mentioned the woman to see what he said about her but would not have had a discussion about it or whatever option I ended up clicking on.

thesunshinesbrightly · 22/02/2010 13:38

ok i scored 54%!!!1

LouMacca · 22/02/2010 13:39

21 for me.

I really wish I didn't get jealous feelings, jealousy is awful and destructive. I've never had a reason to feel jealous or possessive. I guess its just my own insecurities.

ItsGraceAgain · 22/02/2010 14:17

Phew. I scored 16. Pathetic that I still need proof XH#2 was wrong about me!

starzzz · 22/02/2010 16:46

13 for me... but like others...the right answers wernt there... needed, "id have a laugh with him later about it"

Original poster
electra · 22/02/2010 17:38

Thanks for replies. For some people in relationships though jealousy seems to be almost a currency by which one or both partners get a hold on the other or try to get affirmation that they care and when people try to draw me into this I get annoyed because I don't want to 'play'!

OP posts:
anothermum92 · 22/02/2010 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ItsGraceAgain · 22/02/2010 19:03

< my ex-h said he had an affair because I was jealous >
If we had a pound for every spouse who's said that, eh?!

Slight confusion of cause & effect ...

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 22/02/2010 19:08

Agree about the right answers not being there - how about a bit of role play dressing up like that actress for a laugh

anothermum92 · 22/02/2010 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LeQueen · 22/02/2010 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 22/02/2010 19:22

Hah, I got a 5 and yes where were the tease/take the piss/pretend to be the actress in question in bed options?

If I couldn't trust him I wouldn't be with him. That's it for me. I adore my husband but can manage without a man if I need to.

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