Don't know what to do - husband cheating

[Kodit]

Hi, I have found out this weekend that a few months after my husband and I got married he met a colleague in a hotel and had sex. Then, a year later (Sep 09) he contacted her again because "his needs weren't being met at home". I was heavily pregnant at the time. 2 weeks after our baby was born, he was making arrangments to meet her again. I feel sick and i don't know what to do. He claims he never planned to go ahead with it, but he booked a hotel.

Brahms

AnyFucker - my mum is only 20 years older than me (I'm early thirties).

Kodit. Sorry to hear you are going through this.

To have to deal with this at any time -especially when your baby is so young- is horrible. You should be enjoying this time and recovering from such a hard labour (my DS was back to back and labour was 3 days so I understand).

I just wanted to reassure you that being a lone parent isnt as bad as you may think it is.

Yes it can be incrediably hard work when you are on your own but to stay with a man who you dont trust can also be extremely lonely and soul destroying. I am glad I choose the path I did as I can see I am now happier and you can be too.

ok, thankfully I am not old enough to be your mum

but I still feel maternal towards you and I hope you are looking after yourself x

What a vile twat he is. Not much else constructive to say I suppose I just want to reassure you that although bloody hard work, being a single parent with a baby isn't impossible. I kicked exDP out when DD was 2 weeks old, and I have never looked back. It has been hard at times, often still is, but nowhere near as hard as having to live with the wretched, cheating fuckwit which he was.

I'd personally be finding out which hotel he was planning on visiting, and sending his half chewed clothes to it.

Stay strong, and angry! x

Some men treat sex as a de-stresser - if you see my old thread about the number of married men on "shag" dating sites, you'll see I have come across this recently (and no I did not take them up on the offer!). I'm starting to think that a massive percentage of men think this way. This woman might have been thinking, bargain, I get some younger man action and he gets de-stressed, no one gets hurt. It's horrible for you but they might have both really not meant to hurt you. I'm not trying to justify him but trying to say that it seems possible for a man to love his wife but feel he needs sex elsewhere. The crux is, can he change this attitude, can he believe that he can live without whatever release he gets from sex?

I don't think I'm wording this very well...time to get some sleep.

I'd had a foetus removed after a second-in-a-row failed pregnancy just four months before 'Dr Jekyll' (a.k.a. Dr John Hems) shot up from the marital bed one Sunday morning, with our then eight-year-old sitting in it next to me, and announced he wanted a divorce, from which moment on only 'Mr Hyde' was in evidence. His attempts to make me the total scapegoat have been of the most heartless nature and have cost him all contact with his daughters.

I'm sorry but even though my marriage isn't good and I'm hardly one to give out advice...I would get rid of him.
You really can't trust him again.
I think if he'd made some silly mistake (as can happen) and had a one night stand and had been remorseful then I think you could possibly forgive him but he's clearly made efforts to see this woman, contacted her over and over and been unfaithful to you with her.
I honestly think you should get rid, and meet someone else while you still can.

The only way anyone can stay married to a man like this (who basically percieves sex with other people as 'just sex' and 'no big deal' - as Eurostar says, it's a de-stresser to him) is if the wife, too, sees sex as separate from love and no big deal. Some people can cope perfectly well with this kind of marriage, others can't.
If you can't see it that way (that isn't a fault in you, it;s just the way you are) then you may have to consider ending your marriage, because even with couple counselling, he's still going to think you are making a fuss about nothing and resolve, not to remain monogamous but to cover his tracks better, whereas you are going to torture yoruself forever wondering when he's going to do it again).

glad this thread has been resurrected

OP...if you are still around, how are things for you ?