Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I cannot believe his latest trick!!!

80 replies

norksinmywaistband · 10/02/2010 11:10

Omfg - I am so

StbExH, has really surpassed himself this time.
Just recieved a letter form his solicitor asking for a stay of proceedings due to his mental state

Apparantly he is too emotional to sign a couple of forms to complete the divorce , but is capable of still holding down a full time job, having our DC for weekends, playing football and generally managing as well as anyone else.

sorry just needed to rant

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 10/02/2010 20:20

Norks, I really would stop contact till he has a full psych assessment. If he wants contact in the meantime set it up fortnightly at a contact centre.

His parting line would terrify me too, given his claim of mental instability.

Email your solicitor of the events as they happened tonight.

Why are exs such wankers, they're his children for gods sake.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 10/02/2010 20:25

I know you are all right and I need to protect my DC, even if they are nothing more than fucked up mind games - I just can't risk it. I have tears pouring down my face

OP posts:
pithyslicker · 10/02/2010 20:27

Be prepared for a big kick off when you do stop contact.

Have you got someone you can talk to?

Hunibee · 10/02/2010 20:30

Oh, dear God, he's scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Had a memory lapse about why he's in this position? Has he no shame

Think carefully about what you need to do next, Norks. He's trying hard to hurt you and bring you down. Be angry with him, he knows exactly what he is doing. He knows what effect this will have on you.

He's a total coward and don't forget - a liar. He has to get back at you, so he takes the 'soap opera' route and makes all kinds of pathetic threats, designed to unnerve you and give him back control.

Detail everything for your solicitor, take good advice about contact. But most of all, follow your instincts and protect your children and yourself.

What an utter tosser he is.

quitefondofcake · 10/02/2010 20:30

I'm sorry please don't let him have any contact... he has to be seriously disturbed to make those kind of implied threats about the children.

I would call the police - at the very least - to have a log of the threat. If he is so unbalanced that he cannot sign the papers, and is making statements like that, he can be nowhere NEAR your dcs.

Please take care.

maristella · 10/02/2010 20:33

norks you also need to protect yourself.
he's highly unlikely to do anything to your dc's (not worth the risk though!) but he will enjoy making you think he would.
whatever he might or might not to he is already being completely abusive.
please call the police, that way they will have a record of what happened, and should you need to call them in a hurry they will respond very quickly.
also instruct your solicitor to change contact details. after his behaviour tonight he cannot visit your home or see your dc's unsupervised. you already have documented evidence of his mental state, from his solicitors!
just keep your wits about you or he really will be winning, and make sure the people whose job it is to protect you do their job

mrsboogie · 10/02/2010 20:33

that's a clear threat to harm your children. You need to get it on record.

GypsyMoth · 10/02/2010 20:34

what do you think he actually means by this comment?
abduction? worse? (my ex threatened his life and to take dc with him,i was taken VERY seriously and all contact has been stopped)

is he from this country?

do you have any court orders?

where are passports?

mrsboogie · 10/02/2010 20:38

I would be surprised if he means to carry out his veiled "threat" having warned you, but you don't know that for sure and you can't just ignore it.

what a nasty bastard

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 10/02/2010 20:59

I have my sister to speak to - although at a distance, she has also said contact solicitor and stop contact.

He is british and we are in the UK

Passports are stored at another address, as he has already taken DD's in the past, which I got him to return.

There are no court orders - Contact and maintance was through a agreement for children form.

Tiffany - I think the threat was about the unthinkable. He has already told me he has thought about suicide - which I took as another mind game as he know I am still affected by my DM's suicide 19years ago. He knows that is the thought that will immediately spring to my mind.

I have locked and bolted the front door - he still has keys !!!!

I will inform the DC's schools tomorrow that they are not to let him pick them up.

OP posts:
ReneRusso · 10/02/2010 21:15

I am really sorry to frighten you, but I really would take this seriously. If he is clinically depressed then he could do something terrible. Please contact your solicitor as soon as possible. Can the contact be supervised? He might just be messing around, but I don't think you can take that chance.

lalalonglegs · 10/02/2010 21:32

Go and see a solicitor tomorrow to see if you can limit him to supervised access. I doubt whether he would do what he implies but given that he said it and has admitted to feeling suicidal, I imagine that you would have good grounds for limiting contact.

CarGirl · 10/02/2010 21:41

Our school told SIL that unless she had a prohibitive steps order that they couldn't stop her h collecting the kids from school. So you need to speak to your solicitor & the police tomorrow first thing, you may need to go to court for an urgent on-removal (or similar) order.

Quintessential12belowZero · 10/02/2010 21:42

You should call the police.

It is not that long ago that a man took his two kids, killed them and then himself. He has indicated in writing that he is unstable, and he has shown you himself, that this is really true.

You need to stop contact, and protect yourself and the kids.

I am sorry, I dont mean to scaremonger, but you have to assume the worst, and stay safe.

heQet · 10/02/2010 22:26

I also think you should call the police. That sounded to me like a threat to harm your children. There is no such thing as an overreaction to that! You would never forgive yourself if he turned out to be one of those men who kills his kids.

I don't want to scare you, but it happens. And if he says anything that could be taken to mean a threat to your kids - take NO chances.

He may not mean anything of the sort, of course, but it's not the sort of thing to take a chance on! When they lose all other forms of control - it's the one last thing they can do to you.

Please don't take chances. Far better to be totally wrong on this and protect them unnecesarily than to do nothing because he probably doesn't mean what his words could be taken to mean.

maristella · 10/02/2010 22:44

please let us know how you get on norks.
i have been there, it is horrendous.
all i can in hindsight is that the more you let him f*ck with your head the longer it will take you to get over it. be robotic when it come to him; if he makes or implies a threat, call the relevent people (police, solicitors) and let them deal with him. police might also be able to help with practicalities such as changing the locks.
don't let him make a victim of you x

hobbgoblin · 10/02/2010 22:54

First I am sorry you have been upset like this, I really am. I responded earlier to this thread, and as a person that knows next to nothing about you decided to leave my comments where they were. However, what I wanted to say to you earlier today and will say now is this:

You are not (afaik) experienced in assessing mental states. Yes you know your husband but that doesn't make it easy to spot the signs of true mental instability or to effectively risk assess someone's mental health with regards to care of children.

I was very foolish in a situation similar and thought I knew my DP better than anyone. I was so wrong and the effect has been profound.

Take him at [his solicitor's] word regarding his fitness to function normally and stop the unsupervised contact, please.

HansieMom · 10/02/2010 23:13

Please get the locks changed immediately.

StirlingSmilesNever · 10/02/2010 23:28

Sorry he is trying to fuck with your mind like this. It was him who got you in this situation but now wants sympathy - wtf!!

Only you know if he is so unstable he shouldn't have the dc.

Talk to your solicitor tomorrow and see what they suggest.

Try not to worry and get some sleep

x

GypsyMoth · 10/02/2010 23:28

Hope you've disappeared to call police norks?

I echo hobbgoblin, I have been there.....my ex's brother comiied suicide, they know how suicide affects families.....it's the ultimate revenge. My ex is out there somewhere...... He's been asessed as dangerous. He's tagged. He's 230 miles away but ss are on watch down here, watching my dc in case he comes onto the radar here...... He will do one day, I know he will. This kind of threat is taken seriously. Things can be done.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/02/2010 01:03

Just to reiterate:
Call the police DV unit and report that your X has made threats. Then call your solicitor and inform him/her that your X has made threats and therefore you are stopping all contact and want an assessment of his mental state and a injunction to keep him away from the house until the assessment has been made (I do not know the precise legal formulas for doing this but report everything to everyone and repeat that you want him kept away from you and the children).
Then change the locks.

This man is almost certainly about to become very dangerous to the DC and you. And if he is just grandstanding, he deserves the full might of the law on his sorry arse anyway.

Alambil · 11/02/2010 03:32

damn straight he deserves all he gets

Call the police tomorrow. Tell them to put you on the list so when you call back, they blue light to you IMMEDIATELY

Solicitor next - use the words "prohibitive steps order" and "non molestation order"

These can be got in an emergency; do NOT be fobbed off. Beg and plead if you have to.

Third call to a locksmith; before he gets there, keep the doors BOLTED at ALL times.

This may sound OTT and dramatic, but which way would you rather it? Like this or like.... well, let's not go there....

ChippingIn · 11/02/2010 11:19

Norks - how are you? Did you call the police, your lawyer, a locksmith etc??

I hope so, better safe than sorry!

It's crap you are going through this x

BitOfFun · 11/02/2010 11:26

Oh God- I really hope you are getting this sorted Norks, I am so so sorry you are going through this

HellBent · 11/02/2010 11:47

That is so chilling, I hope you get it sorted. I agree with everyone else, even if he would not be violent it is better to be safe than sorry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread