Birthday present for a dubious boyfriend

[Katiekitty]

I was seeing someone for four months, then, out of the blue, they finshed with me. Long story, there's a few threads knocking about but I'm too ashamed to re-visit them...

Anyway, I have taken him back and here's the dilemma I am seeking advice on...

He finished with me a few days before my birthday. He totally ignored me on my bitthday. recently, when we got back together, he assembled two presents for me, one was a book, the other was a joke present.

It's his bithday looming, seeing as I've taken him back, should I get him anything for his birthday?

I know I am shit for taking him back, this is not the issue, it's a whole other thread.

I don't know what to do: to get him a present is condoning him being a shit, if I get him nothing, then I look like crap...

Do I even care how I look? I really don't know....

if this situation is stumping you so much, I seriously doubt that getting back with him at all was a good idea....

sorry

Anyfucker! lovely to hear from you!

I shall take your wisdom on board...

So, should I get him a birthday present or not?

Book tokens or other vouchers? Shows you have made an effort, but not too much effort!

err

not sure if you are being sarky

so, assuming you do still want my advice as to whether to buy him a birthday gift...

I would say yes, you are either together or you are not

dunno why it is an issue, unless you are both point-scoring and acting like you are 8 years old ???

No - not being sarky, I remember you (I think from a MN piss up on my b-day, in this forum, the shame), got me through the gloom...

I'm naturally a generous person, so to not get him a present is against my better self, but I'm thinking that if I do get him soething, it brushes under the carpet the hurt I felt (still undealt with - I know, I know). Not point scoring, just me wanting to be myself, but fearing it'll give him a green light to be a shit again

Agree with AF that getting back together might not have been a great idea if you feel so resentful though... Sorry too

Push - book token? I'm not sure... I've never got anyone a book token!

Just thinking that whatever I get him (if anything) doesn't really matter, it's just the act of me getting him A Thing

(beginning to wish I'd never started this thread as I am sounding ridiculous)

All advice noted - it's confirming thoughts I know I've been squashing down and not dealing with

katie, I agree, love

you are sounding ridiculous

oh bugger! I know...

if not buying him a present will trigger shitty behaviour then you two are doomed anyway

why are you over-thinking and modifying your behaviour based on how he will react ???

at the risk of sounding very doom-and-gloom (and I get that really this was meant to be fairly light-hearted...)... you may well be looking at a red flag here for abusive treatment towards you

are you being lighthearted, and being very silly like an 8yo, or are you serious ?

Make him a nice meal or take him out to dinner, this is an appropriate gesture in reference to the amount of time you have gone out and the fact that he finished with you for a period of time.

If you buy him a present you will look over eager, if you genuinely want a relationship with this bloke, and not sure why to be honest, but if you do then play it a bit cool.

Ya know those pants you can get on the market? Those elephant ones with the long trunk for the willy? get him a pair of those.

Agree Anyfucker.

Actually I think my standard response these days is to say 'I agree with Anyfucker/Expat/Scottishmummy/Lulumama?Dittany (insert head screwed on MN name here).

I don't think I have any origianl thoughts!

OP - he sounds like a bit of a twat. If you do buy him a presentr do not go overboard, get him something for a tenner.

It was a genuine question

I'm naturally generous - if it's someone's bithday at work, I'll chuck in a fiver, at the very least £3

It's going against everything in me to not get him something... but still, I'm thinking he was a shit to me and I took him back as I love him

If we're doomed, we're doomed, we probably are but I was just asking what everyone thought

I'm not thinking about his behaviour, more not wanting to modify mine

Sorry to sound like an eight year old!

A tenner? I can do that

This is to - don't want to seem over keen, but want to get the man something

TK max here i come

a book?

getorf, you just need to get to the threads quicker !

I have an eagle eye, pounce and post the obvious before anyone else gets there....

'spect back atcha x

Rispeck fucker

katie...how long have you known him ?

I guess not very long

just be yourself, love

if he is going to be a twat again, it will all come out in the wash

yo, get-ho

executive toy for the desk? Funny calendar, something like that?

aargh, but myself is lovely, generous and thoughtful

shit

If you are natuarlly generous and want to mark the occassion then maybe spend money on something that will benefit you both - a meal, nice underwear for you

But another one agreeing with AF

Katiekitty - I am trying to do this as gently as possible, but still trying to register the absolute insanity that lies behind your question.

Let me get this straight:

• He's finished with you before
• He ignored your birthday
• You refer to him as "dubious"
• He has been, in your words, a "shit"

Yet you justify buying him a present because you don't want to modify your behaviour.

Have you thought about the possibility that if you do modify your behaviour, you might possibly in a far better position, with more self-confidence, and nary a dubious boyfriend in sight?

Keep doggedly trying to be the best, nicest, most accommodating person you can be, and he'll continue to walk over you. You might think you're doing it to be true to yourself, but, sweetheart, you are betraying yourself every time you let him get away with it.