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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, if you saw an e-mail that your DH had sent to an old (female) schoolfriend...

68 replies

AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:33

which said things like -and I quote-:

'you look incredible (you always look incredible)'

and

'You said you were no good at keeping in touch via email - don't worry about it, I am persistent (as well as being impetuous).'

and

'te echo de menos' -Spanish for I miss you!

with a final request for her address, saying he'll let her know when he's visiting the UK for work (we live outside the UK.)

I've been alternating from certainty that he's attempting to shag her to thinking its more ambiguous than that (wishful thinking?).

btw I had no intention to snoop! I thougt I had logged into my e-mail (he musn't have logged out of his) and found myself reading this...

I will speak to him today but can't seem to get my feelings straight. What do you think MN jury?

OP posts:
tiredemma · 08/02/2010 11:34

I would be pissed off.

GypsyMoth · 08/02/2010 11:35

i think he fancies his chances with her!

skinsl · 08/02/2010 11:35

is she an old girlfriend? or were they just friends?

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2010 11:36

If a guy sent me an email like that yes, I would think he was trying to get off with me.

Sorry

IndigoSky · 08/02/2010 11:37

Hmmm, very dodgy.

I would be very concerned.

Original poster
AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:37

not sure skinsl, he mentioned a while back that he hd got in touch with an old schoolfriend, didn't say ex-girlf.

OP posts:
onebatmother · 08/02/2010 11:37

Gosh, that's pretty full on, even were he unattached. Is he always VERY .. erm, flirty? (I personally couldn't hack it if so, but people do, I know)

Original poster
AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:38

Yes, as i thought. The consensus is how I feel but I think I have been trying to not admit it

OP posts:
Ladyscratt · 08/02/2010 11:38

That does not sound good, be interested to hear his exscuses.

Original poster
AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:39

no, he's not normally a 'flirty' type, unless of course he reserves that for when I'm not there!

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/02/2010 11:39

I think he would probably shag her if he had the chance. Sorry. The best case scenario is that he's built up some little fantasy about her and when it came to the crunch he wouldn't actually act on it.

Her saying that she's no good at keeping in touch via email translates as a comparative lack of interest from her side, though - I would take that as a brush-off. If she were keen and whatever feelings he has were reciprocated, she would be good at keeping in touch.

sadperson123 · 08/02/2010 11:40

Hi - I'm sorry to say that it doesn't look good.

He may just be flirting. Have you looked back at his history to see if he has sent any others, as it sounds like he had been mailing her before with his references to "You always look incredible" etc.

I would try and do some more snooping before you confront him, because as soon as you do, if there is anything suspicious he will get rid of it all.

I'm so sorry for you - last year I dicsovered my H was having an alleged "emotional affair" with someone else, and I know it makes you feel sick to the stomache.

Take care and I hope it all works out for you.

DuelingFanjo · 08/02/2010 11:40

in paticular "don't worry about it, I am persistent (as well as being impetuous)." would really piss me off. I t seems to suggest that he wants to persue her and once he has he might go further.

thedollshouse · 08/02/2010 11:40

Very very inappropriate, I would not be happy with that. I don't think she is is interested though she has already said that she isn't good at keeping in touch via email. If I received an email like that I would think that he was a smarmy twat and run a mile!

aSilverLining · 08/02/2010 11:41

If I were received that email I would take it as overt flirting and wanting to 'meet up' sorry.

Does he go to UK for work often?

Ladyscratt · 08/02/2010 11:41

If it was mine, I would go nuts, he has had friends requests on facebook from girls he knew at school and hasn't seen since then. That is fine but I monitor carefully what goes on. What is going on here is way over the boundries.

AnyFucker · 08/02/2010 11:42

I would take that kind of communication with another woman as a sure sign of cheating, or intending to cheat

sorry

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 08/02/2010 11:43

I'd think he was ripe for an emotional affair, that he will consumnate if he gets the green light from her.

When you confront, don't buy the line that he had no ulterior motives, or that he wouldn't have done anything about it.

I couldn't not confront, but if you are able to, I might wait to see what her response is and see what he says next. Check old E mails too if you have access, or the dreaded Facebook, which is probably where this contact was re-sparked. He's clearly seen a picture of her, hasn't he?

Original poster
AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:43

yes Hassled, I thought that she didn't seem keen, but it's the fact that he pusued/is pusuing her that hurts.

sadperson I do feel sick/ and shaky. This had never happened before -that i know about

Thank god for MN

OP posts:
IndigoSky · 08/02/2010 11:44

The fact that she doesn't seem that bothered by his advances also makes me think he's going to make a complete fool of himself. Silly prat.

I would definitely have words with him.

And cut off his cahoonies....

Original poster
AccessDenied · 08/02/2010 11:44

Pursued gah

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 08/02/2010 11:46

He;d be without his balls. I'm sorry, but there is no way that can be explained away as innocent. Has he cheated before?

Ladyscratt · 08/02/2010 11:46

Pull an Ellen and pretend to be him, ask to meet and see what she says.

thedollshouse · 08/02/2010 11:47

And whats with the spanish lingo? Even if he was unattached he would have blown his chances with that line. I think if I was the woman in question I would be feeling very uneasy after receiving that email.

Hassled · 08/02/2010 11:47

I would get more evidence before you confront. Because he will probably lie, and say it was just harmless flirting (and maybe that's true), but you need to know exactly what's gone on.

I'm so sorry - I have been there, as in Ex-DH had a fling, and I haven't forgotten the awfulness of it.

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