So, if you saw an e-mail that your DH had sent to an old (female) schoolfriend...

[AccessDenied]

which said things like -and I quote-:

'you look incredible (you always look incredible)'

and

'You said you were no good at keeping in touch via email - don't worry about it, I am persistent (as well as being impetuous).'

and

'te echo de menos' -Spanish for I miss you!

with a final request for her address, saying he'll let her know when he's visiting the UK for work (we live outside the UK.)

I've been alternating from certainty that he's attempting to shag her to thinking its more ambiguous than that (wishful thinking?).

btw I had no intention to snoop! I thougt I had logged into my e-mail (he musn't have logged out of his) and found myself reading this...

I will speak to him today but can't seem to get my feelings straight. What do you think MN jury?

I'd be seriously pissed off and on top of that he sounds like a complete nob. Sorry.

Oh poor you this is a betrayal whether or not he has acted on it. He certainly sounds as if he would given half a chance.

Only problem with having a snoop is it might hurt you even more. I just cannot imagine what excuse he could provide for this.

Good luck in confronting him and stick to your guns

lol @ Spanish lingo, it's because we live in a Spanish-speaking country..nd he was er showing off his skills?

he goes to the UK about once a month for 3/4 days

the thing is I can't really look again as I got into his e-mail accidentally last time as he had not logged out. Don't know password or anything.

I know I'll speak to him later, I'm no good at hiding my feelings.

Also, I think I'd feel like I was doing sth wrong if I intentionally snooped, don't want to give him any ammunition.

Thanks all for your kind words btw

Definitely a come-on email. At least I'd think so if I received it. If you received that from an old male friend, Access, wouldn't you think he had designs on you?

He's crossed a line with this. Painful for you, Access. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Good luck with talking to him later. I hope your worst fears aren't confirmed and it turns out to be (relatively) innocent.

I'd feel odd not being able to access dp's email. Is that just me? I wouldn't go idly trawling through his emails and would be shocked if he did same to me - but being locked out seems a bit weird.

yes
although do you not think OBM oyu sometimes just get a weird feeling

thsi happened toa mate of mine who DID this and found the beginnings of soemthing..
then he didnt know she was looking and even so started deleting everything

she waited till she had the ammo she needed then challenged him
all ok now

Agree onebatmother I know all of DH's passwords, and he knows mine.

I agree, married couples don't need private passwords, the only one of DH's that I don't know is facebook and that's because I have no interest in it, if I asked him he would give it to me.

Did you forward the email to yourself, just so he can't say you read it "wrong" or misunderstood it?

He sounds like a complete gibbon to me.

It looks like he wants to get down and dirty with her tbh

I'd be very pissed off if I read that email.

I also agree with the others, we both know our passwords to email/Facebook. I never look but I guess I would feel weird if I was suddenly locked out.

Nightmare. Good luck with confronting him.

Someone elses husband has been emailing me and we are exes. It is not your dh though. Thinking about what has gone on in terms of my messages I would say he fancies his chances. Sorry.

Does he visit the UK often, or does he have an imminent trip planned? Seems a bit weird that he'd come onto a woman in a different country unless he's likely to be arranging something. Definitely confront him, especially as you legitimately stumbled on the email and had no way of actually snooping, but it actually actually sounds to me like a pretty one-off exchnge (remarks about not keeping in contact via email and asking for address - doesn't sound like something that's been going on long).

Two bothersome things: "impetutous" and "I miss you".

It sounds lihe he wants some attention, doesn't sound like the most serious thing to me, but really annoying and out of order.

I'd go for out and out astonishment: "What are you LIKE sending emails like that to your old girlfriend.. have you gone mad.. it looks like you want to get off with her" etc etc. It needs nipping in the bud, it's the kind of thing that gets out of hand even if neither party plans it that way.

Sounds as if she´s trying to keep her distance.

He´s coming across as obsessed/stalkerish tbh.

*exchange

(Do I get an award for services to the word 'actually' in my previous post?)

Why can't married couple have private passwords FFS!!! DH's email is in general, none of my business and mine is none of his. That said, he is free to have a look if asked, but in general we conduct our email communication seperately and I would never ever expect that he give me open access to his email and vice versa.

As to the contents of the email OP found - I would just be upfront and say - you didn't log out of your email properly the PC when I went to check mine. What is the meaning of this email between you and x? Please explain! And see what he says. Good luck.

Hmmm I don't give DH my email because its private. I may book something online for his birthday and get an email. Mu mother or friend might email something personal etc etc.

You get letters addressed to you personally don;t you? Would you open your DH's letters as well? I think its normal to have separate emails.

Back to the OP = he is defintiely up to something and this is dodgy, you knew that already though didn't you?

Hmmm, sounds like maybe he's just being flirty and it is totally unacceptable but it could be that he is just looking for a bit of attention (the type of which she seems VERY uninterested in giving...)

BUT

If you were planning an affair or secret rendezvous surely you would be VERY conscious leaving anything open, emails etc. Especially if he knew that you also used the PC. He has been very very silly, but I think maybe you need to just ask him the question and see what he says.

If he really is planning something then he's even more stupid than I initially thought if he doesn't close down his Inbox and even delete the history just in case!!

Kiwinyc nobody said married couples cant have seperate Emails, its just some people share everything, whatever floats your boat. Oh and yes, me and DH also open each others mail too.

I think whenwillIfeelnormal has summed this up well earlier in this thread.

It does sound like he has a sentimental attachment going on here but that doesn't mean that it's a foregone conclusion that he will cheat.

I think you should speak with him about this - as gently as you can under the circumstances. Your DH may well be just being a bit stupid and letting past stuff influence current behaviour. You can judge how you feel then and see if you think he's being truthful with you.

Having said that, I'd still be mega suspicious and I would want to keep tabs on him and his email account.

I hope this isne't what it looks like.

Did you happen to get the name of the friend he was emailing?

I would be totally honest with him. Tell him that when you went to log onto your email you found that he hadn't logged out of his .

You can then say that whilst you should have shut it down the moment you found out you were in his email, you didn't. Apologise for this right away.

Then just say, "I happened to read the email you had sent to xxxx and thought we could talk about it."

It's up to him now. Don't give him any chances to go off and think up excuses. The best way you'll get at the truth is to face him there and then.

I'm sorry but from the sounds of that email he really does want to meet up with his ex and possibly start a romance with her again. I cannot think of an innocent explanation for this one.

What you decide to do really is your call, we can tell you what we'd do but that doesn't really help you does it? Perhaps having a heart-to-heart about what he feels has gone wrong in the relationship for him to be looking elsewhere. Be prepared to hear some home truths. Ask if he'd like to go to mediation.

Remember that he hasn't had an affair and he may have backed out of having this one. But the very fact that he is planning this means that there is something wrong in your marriage even if you weren't aware of it. You now have the chance to sit down and thrash it out with him. Only you can decide if you can trust him again and what to do about the issues that will surface as a result of this.

Oh and dh and I also have separate email accounts with our own passwords. I don't open his emails any more than I would open his post.

However if he hadn't logged off and I noticed a sent email to an ex-girlfriend, of course I would look - who wouldn't?

Rhubarb, that's a fantastic post - just what I wanted to say but couldn't find the words.

second rhub's sound advice