If you met a married man who was "staying for the sake of the kids"

[Canto]

and you knew that this was the case, what would your opinion be of him if he was seeing other women?

Steer clear-it will end in tears! I would take it all with a huge pinch of salt!

I was never under the impression that he was going to leave anytime soon, btw. He did make that clear at the beginning - it was only ever supposed to be no-strings.

But then it got more involved, on both sides.

No I am not, AF, which is why I am walking away. In a wobbly fashion.

It generally does-never start.

To be brutal, I would ask "what's in it for you?" In the long term he may be with you but it's more likely that he will not. I think "no-strings" is not good if the man is married and the lady is not.

I know this hurts, I really, really do. Un-MN hug and a big, big glass of wine and some chocolate.

Married men and a loving heart (ie yours) is a recipe for much sadness. Sorry. again.

Canto, believe me you can meet someone else or be happier on your own.

Will admit when something similar happened to me it didn't end in tears as everyone predicted. It ended because I couldn't stand the situation, I felt guilty, btw does the mother of his children really know what he is up to? It's not a nice feeling to know that your lover has left your bed to go back to a domestic life with another woman no matter how he says its OK.

keep walking, canto

and I applaud you, btw

I expect you got into this, thinking you could handle it (god-damn those feminists who think women can just shag with no emotions....)

now you have realised it isn't as simple as that...you are doing the right thing...wobble all you like, but make sure you wobble away

btw, he is a liar...you know that, right ?

I hope I would say 'give me a call when you are single', but I know it's not as simple as that and you have mmy every sympathy.
You are asking because you know the truth, yet have a vain hope that someone might tell you to go back to him ...

AF, women can shag without emotions. Hate the saying but they can. Or is it me who is just hard.

After the kids leave, he'll have another excuse.

My best friend went with a married man who was staying for the kids, and then it was to support the kids through uni, then his wife's mental stability, then it was too expensive to divorce her, etc etc.

'AF, women can shag without emotions. Hate the saying but they can. Or is it me who is just hard.'

I could. And did, often enough.

Phew expat, thought it was just me

abouteve (and expat), I believe some women can shag without emotions

but we are talking about this one

and she can't, I would wager, or she wouldn't be posting this thread

I was not bringing down women who can (have done it myself...but not for a long time...don't think I even could now...)

Too right there, AF.

sorry, expressed myself badly

this lady has too much emotion invested

and he sounds like a liar

I was responding to this thread

AF, OK take your point, but reading the OP I would say move on, it's not that great, the next one will be along soon. But then again I'm a hard bitch.

Hi, I was the child in this scenario and it sucked. I'd have preferred my parents to split up and have everything out in the open, rather than one parent going off for days/nights out and us all 'knowing' who they were with. And it was kind of embarrassing knowing that this was going on and not being able to articulate to my peers what my home life was like.

If he really loved you he'd want you to be a proper part of his kids lives in an honest way.

Sorry.

abouteve, we are in agreement then

Seriously, Canto, you deserve better than this.

Most people do (although I have a few lowlife ex's I'd love to see utterly shafted ).

Lowenergy, agree if he really wanted to set up an honest life he could and still be there for the DC's but I suspect that would be too much effort so best to stay where he is comfortable.

Absolutely right, AF, I did think I could handle it. And I so couldn;t. At least I've learnt that about myself.

AboutEve I believe she does know, not just because he has told me, someone else told me. But hey, you are right, I couldn;t stand the situation either.

Even if his wife doesn;t love him and doesn;t care if he shags the world, the fact that she must still wash his shirts makes me feel icy cold.

I don;t want anyone to tell me to go back to him, I want you to tell me not to.

canto, love, you are doing the right thing (feels a bit vindicated that you thought you could handle it...and failed...)

their situation sounds fucking creepy, and you are best off out of it, who cares what their "arrangement" is ....?

do you seriously want to be connected with these two ?

find someone else, who isn't weird

look after your own interests...getting dragged into someone else's drama is uncool

Canto, don't go back, you are emotionally involved and I'm sorry about that, but he is involving you in something that isn't normal.

I know from experience that you will also be thinking if he was free to commit would he really love me this way! Hard one to get your head around but a very valid question.

No need to make big gestures of ending it, just don't make yourself available for meeting up anymore. Good luck.

You are doing the right thing-it is hard, but stick to your resolve.

Canto, have been there, although mine was never meant to be anything casual, he was/is the love of my life

We have mutual friends, I hear he is very unhappy and his wife (understandably, as she had in no way agreed to him seeing other people) now refuses to allow him out alone, has blue-booked his phone, checks his emails etc. But thats what he chose, thats the deal for him if he wants to stay with his DC full time.

It is hard,& I wont tell you otherwise - even though its been over a year since I last spoke to him, he is still never far from my thoughts. I was asked recently what I would do if he rang me now and I had to honestly say I didn't know. thankfully theres not much chance of that happening.