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Original poster

is someone expressing strong feeling early on always red flag

47 replies

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 18:14

is it? always?

what about if they are very confident about saying how they feel?

but not in a dramatic , over-the-top way.

Or is it always a big red flag to say they are super keen from first date?

i'm not talking about saying they love you from day one.

that would have me running for the hills.

but making it clear from early on they were very smitten and admitting it.

any examples of full on fellas who turned out to be the real deal is welcome?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/02/2010 18:17

not always, I am sure you will get lots of tales about full-on fellas turning out ok

this is a personal bug-bear of mine though, I would absolutely run a mile from anyone declaring strong feelings, yapping about soulmates, wanting to move in together yadda yadda yadda in the first few months

it just screams desperate or even worse, controlling to me

that is only my personal opinion though

Bleatblurt · 05/02/2010 18:22

My DH was full on from the start (but so was I tbh, we were both completely ott looking back. )

We are happily married and three kids down the line so it worked out well for us. I shall not admit how quickly DS1 arrived or you'd see exactly how quickly were were doing the whole, 'love you, lets get married and have babies' thing.

Original poster
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 18:23

no declarations. no intent on moving in anytime quickly.

but does say he's never felt like this before

that kinda of thing.

constant compliments.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 05/02/2010 18:23

I met somebody like this. Very keen from the off, very open about it and quite smitten. I looked a bit like that and considered running away.

He's still smitten 11yrs later and we have a marriage and a dd too.

He is not at all controlling. He's the sweetest, kindest, most generous and wonderful best friend and partner.

But it wasn't soulmates bollocks it was genuine 'I think this is something special, this feels different, I'm thinking this could be great, I'm falling quite quickly'. Not hyperbolic, hearts and roses crap.

ShowOfHands · 05/02/2010 18:24

DH is just honest I know now and saw no reason not to say what he was thinking. It's one of his best qualities.

RealityIsJustAwesome · 05/02/2010 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ShowOfHands · 05/02/2010 18:28

Oh here she is harping on about dp again.

I think when it's a genuine feeling and not borne of trying to get something from you or to achieve something, it's often a sign of a general trait ie open and communicative. A good thing generally.

Original poster
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 18:28

showofhands - yup... i am constantly doing the .. face... to which he responds "time will prove i mean it"

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/02/2010 18:30

don't listen to cynical old moi...

just keep your head screwed on, OP

Original poster
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 18:38

no - anyfucker - i appreciate it.

head is firmly screwed on.

doesn't help this fella is in forces and in these early days the communication is msn(which i hate).. skype (only slightly better as i can see facial expressions), and call/text when he's away from here.

trying to decide if he's genuine and it's worth continuing... or its a load of bollocks and just forget about it.

OP posts:
gingerkirsty · 05/02/2010 18:42

I was about to try to explain the start of my relationship with DH, but then I read showofhands post and it seems we had the same situation! So if you can just re read her post that will save me a bit of effort!

I vividly remember DH telling me that 'we' felt 'important' within the first couple of weeks, and that it seemed too early to say three particular words but he didn't know how else to describe his feelings!

We moved in together after 4 months (thought we may as well find out if it was going to go the distance!), got married after 3 yrs together and are now eagerly awaiting the arrival of DD1 due any moment now.

He is absolutely lovely, and there are loads of genuine men out there I think, it's just that us women are generally cynical having dealt with our share of wankers along the way. It is hard to judge when it's the real deal but I think if you give it time you'll feel it 'in your water' or however you care to put it!

Good luck

nighbynight · 05/02/2010 19:06

I would certainly bear in mind, that it might be because he is controlling, but on its own it wouldnt make me run.

Original poster
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 19:19

nightbynight - explain further on how it could be controlling?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2010 19:23

DH told me he loved me within 3 weeks.

I am fantastic though

and 6 years later we couldn't be happier.

(it wasn't my personal best though, first fiancee told me in one week, first husband in 2 weeks)

l39 · 05/02/2010 20:42

DD1 was born 10 days before the first anniversary of our first date. We are still together 18 years and 4 more children later. We took a risk and very luckily it worked out.

mathanxiety · 05/02/2010 20:42

I would be sceptical, especially as you and he are apart. Anything looks good from his pov, I'd say, as long as it takes his mind off his work.

If his feet seem on the ground, though, and it's not all hearts and roses, like Showofhands said, then there might be something. I would run from the L word so early on, and any hint of him thinking of you being 'meant to be' or 'soulmates'

It's controlling in that it keeps you there where he can see you, maybe you feel you don't want to hurt someone who is so smitten so the thought of breaking up would be unthinkable.

I also think someone who takes so little time to love you so much could take that little time to unlove you too and love someone else instead. I know unlove isn't a word...

coldtits · 05/02/2010 20:43

my full on fella was awesome and 10 months later he still is.

mollybob · 05/02/2010 20:53

nearly 14 years of marriage and 2 DCs and 3rd on the way - we both fell hard and fast and married within 4 months

TheFallenMadonna · 05/02/2010 20:56

My grandad asked my grandma to marry him on the day they met. They married three weeks later. Married for over 50 years.

AstronomyDomine · 05/02/2010 21:00

I'm with the genuinely nice men group. DP told me after 3 DAYS that he loved me... I was definitely about it but 6.5 years on and we're sickeningly happy

Original poster
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 21:00

matha - no use of l word or soulmates, or "meant to be"

just very very keen.

i do like these stories of happy endings though ... maybe i shouldn't be a sceptical witch and try and believe him.

and stop doing faces!!

OP posts:
emsyj · 05/02/2010 21:03

DH told me he loved me on our third date, but didn't take too much notice as he had drunk a LOT of wine (through nerves I think). He pursued me for a long time before I agreed to go out with him. Now been together 7 years and married last summer. Think when you click with someone you don't need to question it, it just feels easy and 'fits'. I always felt relaxed about our relationship and never worried that it was too much, too fast or that it might all blow up. When I told my mother that we were looking to buy a house together after we'd been going out for about 4 months she went absolutely ballistic, but it just didn't worry me. I just felt it was fine. We actually took a long time to find a house that we liked so in the end we had been together for about a year and a bit before we moved in, but if we'd found a nice place right away I wouldn't have hesitated.

If you're questioning it, then maybe it isn't right. But it is possible for a man to just decide that you're the one for him and then proceed on that basis, certainly.

Remotew · 05/02/2010 21:03

Juice, I think you have your head screwed on enough to question it all and indeed you have. We have all had declarations early on and it's gone wrong. Either we've backed off or they have but sometimes it can work. It all depends on how you both feel.

Certainly not a complete recipe for disaster but feet on the ground etc.

Also the moving in together after a month etc, it all depends on circumstances. If he's homeless, chances are he will want to move in with you. If he is in the forces and wants married quarters, chances are he will marry you soon. With two people who are both set up then things would obviously have to move slower and with more thought.

Look forward to hearing how things go. Don't hold back if it feels good.

KERALA1 · 05/02/2010 21:09

He moved in after 3 months (and no he was not homeless!), talked about marriage after 9 months. Married now for 5years 2 dds blissfully happy so early declarations not always sinister.

Missus84 · 05/02/2010 21:10

Me and DP were both very full on from the beginning - actually it was amazing to be able to be totally honest about how we were feeling right from the start. There was none of the game playing you normally get in new relationships.

He said he loved me within two months, we moved in together within 6 months, two years on we're expecting our first baby and still very happy