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Original poster

MIL is off to Manilla to stay for 2 weeks with a Phillipino wine waiter she met on a cruise ship.....

28 replies

DrNortherner · 04/02/2010 11:00

She has been on 2 cruises. She met him on the first and fell in love....booked the 2nds one so she could see him again.

They speak/email every day and she is even planning on sponsoring him when he comes to England later this year to do an NVQ. He is always sending her gifts, and her to him. Se is besotted with him.

She was planning on a 3rd cruis in April, but he has said not to spend her money on a cruise and to stay with him instead.

She has bought herself travel guides to teh Phillipines and is booking her flights this weekend......

Dh and his bro kiond of washed their hands of their Mum yaers ago, keep in touch but at a distance IYKWIM as she is so earrtic and a crap Mum basically. However, SIL and I can hear alarms bells hear and think she is mad to travel alone to stay with him.

What do you think?

She is 65 and he is 40 btw.

OP posts:
TheElephant · 04/02/2010 11:02

not wearing her dress then?!

iheartdusty · 04/02/2010 11:04

it's her life

it may be a lovely relationship, they may truly have found love and companionship in each other...or he may be a cold-hearted user.

I don't have any experience of Philippines but imagine she won't come to any harm while out there...he hopes to come to UK to study, so needs to keep the connection going.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 04/02/2010 11:06

at not wearing her dress. No she won't be wearhing THAT particular dress....

OP posts:
Blackduck · 04/02/2010 11:08

DrN what happened re dress?? (totally off subject of course...)

Original poster
DrNortherner · 04/02/2010 11:09

I had to tell her I couldn't find it and it may have been 'accidentally' cleared out....

OP posts:
Blackduck · 04/02/2010 11:11

I think your alarm bells are spot on actually.....

titchy · 04/02/2010 11:21

Blimey - sounds like Dierdre and Rachid in Coronation Street years ago. While she's there can she find out his blood type just in case any one of you needs a kidney transplant

I think it's barmy by the way!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/02/2010 11:51

He likely sees her as a meal ticket into the UK and will parachute into a better life away from the grinding poverty of the Phillipines.

However, I'd leave her to it (she won't thank you for telling her that she could be being used here by him) and let her make her own mistakes.

Poledra · 04/02/2010 11:54

I agree with you on the alarm bells but it's her life, she's an adult - what can you do?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 04/02/2010 11:59

Can't do anything can I?

I suppose we should at least ask for his address and stuff just incase she gets kidnapped

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/02/2010 18:56

Whoah whoah whoah.....

He works on a cruise ship so not living 'in grinding poverty' necessarily. He's hardly a boytoy, yes he's younger but he's not 25! He sends her gifts as well as she him. He is available to talk daily. Why on earth do you assume he's a money grabber after a passport/whatever?

Of course he might be, and if she has a track record of making stupid mistakes and bad choices I'd be wary, but please don't assume that anyone who meets someone on holiday is being taken for a ride. I met my DH on holiday, went back to stay with him on my own, and I'm still here! My half bro also met a phillipina woman out there and they got married and live in Wales. He was living there at the time but doesn't make much difference.

Unlikelyamazonian · 04/02/2010 19:26
AnyFucker · 04/02/2010 19:28

there's no fool like an old fool....

2rebecca · 04/02/2010 20:13

Sounds like she's having fun at the moment.
If she's any sense she'll wonder exactly what a 40 year old bloke sees in her (I would if I were 65) but will just enjoy herself and not take it too seriously.

BariatricBob · 04/02/2010 20:18

what did you tell her about the dress?

MavisEnderby · 04/02/2010 20:20

Well although the scenario does sound slightly dubious I would leave her to it as she is a grown woman.

FWIW I work with a lot of Filipinos and can attest to the fact that they are all without exception some of the loveliest friendliest people I have ever met.I recently went to a benefit night given by the locaL filipino community to raise money after the natural disaster there last Nov.I was the only non filipino person there and was made to feel very welcome.The night was great,all sectors of the community from grandparents to a very edible 2 month old baby.

weegiemum · 04/02/2010 20:23
Lotkinsgonecurly · 04/02/2010 20:32

My MIL seperated from FIL 20 years ago and hasn't had a bit of lovin' since . Wish could send my MIL on this love boat too, think she'd come back quite relieved and smiling. Think you have to leave her to it.

groundhogs · 04/02/2010 22:50

oh dear god, AF, I see your 'no fool like an old fool' and raise you 'one borne every minute'

Seriously DrN, not really sure if you have the kind of close relationship with your mil, if you do, it might be worth telling her to be careful, and just to enjoy it as a bit of fun, but to leave it as that. Oh and he'll be banging anything he can get, so always, ALWAYS, to use protection

FuriousGeorge · 05/02/2010 12:56

She may have a hell of a shock when she gets there-a lot of people live very,very basically.One of my friends is Filipina and well off by most people who live theres standards,but her house back home has no hot water or kitchen that any of us would recognise.She doubts her children will ever want to go back there when they are older.

Your MIL may be lucky.Years ago I bloke I worked with met a girl on holiday in The Gambia.We all assumed 'oh no,she's after a passport ect'.We were very wrong,20 years later they are still happily married and live locally.

If your MIL's boyfriend is using her to come to the UK,it isn't going to be easy for either of them.My friend can't have her family visit,because they have to prove that they have £1000's of pounds to support themselves whilst here ect.They don't have that sort of money,so they haven't been,and she's been resident here since the early 1990's.

NanaNina · 05/02/2010 13:33

Hey Anyfucker - 65 is not old you know!Some of us are older than that and don't want to be called old!

I smell a rat too though I have heard of these cases before and I am sure the younger man is in it for what he can get out of it. Why else would a 40 year old want a relationship with a woman of 65. Doesn't add up. However sadly I think this woman will have to discover for herself whatever lies ahead because she won't listen to anyone else.

I just think it's sad that these mature women are still longing for romance and the like. I know we all want to connect with someone and feel loved and valued but this isn't the way - well not in my view anyway.

Maybe just a little word of warning to her about finances and being careful what she does with her money. She might be cross that you mention it but the warning might stick, especially if she sees signs that she is being taken for a ride - which I'm sure she is.

AnyFucker · 05/02/2010 13:52

nana...I think you get the tone of my post

SixtyFootDoll · 05/02/2010 14:00

I say she should go for it!
She may have a chance of finding true happiness, it amy all backfire on her.
But she is old enought to make that decision.

Beasknees · 05/02/2010 14:01

i had a colleague in her late 50's who went to the Gambia and met a man there. she had a whale of a time with him but was very clear in herself that it 3was ' just for fun'. No problems with that.

however your MIL sounds as though she's in a different league. if you don't like her too much just let her get on with and give her some condoms to show you care.

NanaNina · 05/02/2010 14:58

Course I do anyfucker and with a name like that who could possibly take offence!